Beef Squad

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quick and small edit, yes I changed all mentions of god to deity. You are not having deja vu, don't worry, I'm just changing this a little for a dear friend of mine. The God in the beginning of story is now called Big G, just to give him a little name. Sorry for the inconvenience!

Oh hey there champ-.

Wait...

you're not a singular entity!

Is it champs this time? You one of those newfangled multiple-people-in-one-vessel kind of thing?

Not judging, not judging! We usually don't have those kind of players coming in, but it's totally fine. The more the merrier, or whatever Buddha likes to spout when he comes over.

So I see you're new here? I can tell by the extremely surprised expression on your face, and the fact you still have a half uneaten sandwich in your hand. Only Newbie deities eat, ya dingus. Well let's cut to the chase, and introduce ourselves. The name's Big G. The Big G.

Before you start showering me with admiration and awe, yes, it's the Big G from the Radical Book Of Holy Rules, my best seller! Probably heard of it, since it sold billions. Too bad it's only sold on Earth, since the way they worship me is quite flattering, and I would have loved that shit if the whole universe looked up to me in that way. Ah, humans, my favourite creatures to mess with. Well I'm done rambling, tell me about yourself, new deity-..I mean deities? I don't know, you confuse me.




Who are you?

I'm hangry

*flips hair dramatically.* You will know my name when it is given.

I can count all the way to... how many fingers do we have again?

I'm your beflowered shirt.

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>I'm your beflowered shirt.
>I can count all the way to... how many fingers do we have again?
>*flips hair dramatically.* You will know my name when it is given.
>I've had enough and I'm not gonna take it any more.
>I'm hangry

As you stare upon the big, levitating holographic screen, which looks more expensive than your entire apartment, a little keyboard poofs into existence right in front of you. The god talking to you inside the other, smaller monitor says that you can write whatever the frick you want now, and can also communicate to Big G over there if you wanted to. You start typing, and after a few seconds of concentrated silence, you finish typing the last letter.

...


.......


You know what, I'll talk to the Deity Mental Health Council later, let's just continue. I don't even know how you managed to fucking write on the screen, you were using a damn keyboard, and we didn't even give you a mouse!

Ahem, moving on, it seems like you have 3 choices. You can check on the other choices later on, but you'll have to stay with your choice for the day, which is hell when you're with an insufferable twat. Good news though, the farther you go into the game, the shorter the cooldown, so you can look forward to that.

Good luck bud, you'll need a metric shit ton of it.



Well pick, Hangry.

> Clearly the rose path is the better option for someone such as ourselves. Although... where exactly do these paths lead to?

>We may uh. Have gotten a bit scrambled on entry. Yeaah. Annnyways, what's the practical difference?

Clouds cuz my stomach is devoid of substance (like a cloud) and I'm blowing a lot of hot air about it right now

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>We may uh. Have gotten a bit scrambled on entry. Yeaah. Annnyways, what's the practical difference?
>Clearly the rose path is the better option for someone such as ourselves. Although... where exactly do these paths lead to?

You grab the floaty keyboard and start typing. You have a quick question you need to ask the godly douche. You make sure to type a nice, formal message, for a kind-of-nice big-headed deity


Hangry: Ey yo my homie baloney I have a quick question real quick; the heck do these fuckin paths mean my brother from a 'nother mother cuz im getting kind of confuzzled all up in this inter-dimensional plane of existence, you feel feel me, familia?



Oh wow, a semi-coherent message finally coming through, and I thought you were batshit insane! You guys probably still are, but still, let me have my happy moment here, buds.

These paths represent the people you might chose. For all you know, picking the cloud path could take you to a person who always has their head in the clouds, or have their true intentions hidden. You'll never know, cause a path mark can have thousands of interpretations. Well pick your choice, I have an important meeting to attend. Toodleoo, and don't get the person you're stuck with killed, that'll get your ear nagged off by the Character Safety Council.

>I nominate the poor schmuck behind door cloud

>... I say, what is up with the weird 'homie' way we're talking ?

>Anyhow I cast my vote for the Rose.

Sun, obviously.

> flower

>The bumpy thingy.

>I'll third the cloud.

> i like pink, flower

>The bumpy thingy.

maybe it's a hunched-over old man?

that's the great thing about shapeless clouds.

Clouds make me think of cotton candy, and I am hungry. Clouds please.

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>I nominate the poor schmuck behind door cloud
>Clouds cuz my stomach is devoid of substance (like a cloud) and I'm blowing a lot of hot air about it right now
>The bumpy thingy.
>I'll third the cloud.
>Clouds make me think of cotton candy, and I am hungry. Clouds please.
>PICK THE FUCKING BACKGROUND
>... I say, what is up with the weird 'homie' way we're talking ?

A barrage of voices inside your head keep clashing, telling you to pick the cloud path, or wait no the rose path, or the cloud path again. One keeps screeching that the purple background is the right way, but it's also the same voice that had an existential crisis while you were entering your info, so it's probably not a good idea to listen to that one. A voice that picked rose asks why we were typing all weird, which you don't actually know the answer to. You Just wanted to be a little more swaggy, especially when you're speaking to the real Big G. After a few minutes of incessant bickering, the voices that picked cloud were louder than those who picked rose. You snap out of your thought process, as the voices cheered for cloud. The vote won by one more voice, which cemented the win by a hair's Breadth.

A mouse pops into existence right next to your keyboard, like it knew that you were finally ready to pick. You grab the mouse, and hover over the cloud path.

>You click cloud






Static. With only one word;Meriad.
But the static only stays for a few seconds. In a blink, it was replaced.



Meriad is pissed. They even have the fucking doors guarded, way to go! Who do they think he is, some kind of cute, little obedient doggy?

Fuck no.

He's is not staying here, he has to leave. He will not roll over to their commands. He's the fucking cloud prince, and he has to escape. There are two big doors, one is being guarded by a muscular alien, and the other is being guarded by two runner units who seem to be having a conversation about the news or some shit, Meriad's only focusing on an escape plan. He already knows that he won't be able to outrun those leggy fucks, but he checks his stats anyway.


Well, atleast he knows he can't take the beef head, or outrun the runner units. He's not showing his stats to anybody ever again.
But he can't stay here, even though it looks pretty hard to escape. If 0-N3 comes back, it will become impossible. He has to find a way


Help him find a way. He can hear you, but the clouds will not let him see you there. Be quick, there's not much time left.

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fuck, this post was giving me grief. But now it's finally done and I'm excited for it to go forward

Check behind the curtains for useful items.

> examine the muscular alien

> Think on how to disable those robot guards.

It's pretty obvious how you get out of this one. You start using your charisma! I'm sure this is actually something you can weaponize, either through linguistical fighting your opponents with your razor sharp wit-sword, or just being handsome or something. I don't know. For all I know, you could pull down one of the curtains, wear it like a ghost cloth and make your enemies laugh themselves to death.

>Have yous een this charisma of yours ?! Why can't you just presence bluff your way out ? ... Why do you even need to ? Aren't you like the royalty in these parts , if you wanna go out, those alien peons better get out of your way, who's the boss here , uh ?