FARM MUST HAVE Alanfa

Happy New Year! Tomorrow you're going to start a new life as a farmer. What's your name? When's your birthday?

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Alan Farmer Jr, 19 April

Alan Farmer Sr, 9 June (unrelated)

June is unrelated?

Alana Farmer, 21 September

Negajack

We are going to play as Alanfa, because the game limits names to six characters. I have no idea why because NPCs in this game have much longer names. It doesn't make any sense to me. Their gender is UP TO READER INTERPRETATION because I don't feel like making a sequel to this called "???? MUST FARM for Girls." That would be a waste of everyone's time. It would be the exact same shit except you'd be a girl. You know that. I know that. We know this. Good? Great.

I chose 21 September for the birthday. If your birthday is too early in the year, you won't get any presents because the villagers don't know you well enough to remember it.

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It's the Second of January at 6 AM. Spring has finally a'sprung. A farmer springs out of bed. "What a beautiful sunny morning!" she remarks.

We cut to our player character sitting on a plane. The light telling you to buckle up is off.

In your rucksack is a cell phone.

What will you do?

No reason to delay, let's get farming! Till the center aisle. Plant the in-flight meal.

Open your phone's browser, shitpost on Hawkspace.

No reason to delay, let's get farming! Till the center aisle. Plant the in-flight meal.

You don't have a hoe yet. How will you get one?

Farm for EXP until you unlock more farming tools.

Farm for EXP until you unlock more farming tools.

Hoes cost MNY, not EXP.

Plant financial losses in the stewardess's mind

Sell your cell

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You talk to the stewardess. Her name is Serenity. She sells drinks and not farm tools.

Apple Cider 1245
Orange Juice 2600
Grape Juice 3200
Prelude to Love 69696
Pineapple Juice 120000
Hyper Tea 444444
Pure Gold 999999
Rum 499

You have 500 MNY. Will you buy anything?

Buy pure gold, tell Serenity you're good for it

Buy a Rum, and then plant it.

You try to buy Pure Gold. You tell Serenity to put it on your tab. "This is an airplane, not a tavern. You have to pay now to get the drink."

You buy the rum. You have 1 MNY now.

Since there's no way to get a hoe on the plane, you attempt to plow the aisle lane with your fists. This is exhausting. You went from 100% NRG to 60% NRG.

You can drink the Rum for more energy, or you can plant it. If you plant it, you can water the field with your blood, but it will cost 50% of your NRG.

What will you do?

plant it; water the field with your blood with cost 50% of your NRG.

This.

Put Serenity down for a rest

and plant her unconscious body. In the floor of the airplane. And make sure she gets lots of water

farm softly, lest you tread on my memes

plant hauntingly dank memes in the passengers' minds. In light of recent events, they need to be reminded of just how dank the world is and celebrate its inherent mee-mee-ness

Put Serenity down for a rest

and plant her unconscious body. In the floor of the airplane. And make sure she gets lots of water

Humans are livestock, not plants, you fucking idiot.