I'll answer your questions

C.H.W.O.K.A star, You have entered into the sacred Question tryst! By entering this ancient bloodpact, you have gained access to the Spirit Hole.

Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid.

1. What is your favorite food?
   All food is torture. None is pleasant.
   
2. If you had a sledgehammer, what would you do?
   Nothing would change if I had a large hammer. Nothing. To believe otherwise is to believe in lies.
   
3. What do you like best about the custodial staff?
   It gives you +1 to casting cleaning spells.
   
4. A runaway train is coming down the track. It is headed towards five people who are tied to the track. You realize that you can save the five by throwing a switch and diverting the train down another track, but there is one other person tied to that track! Do you flip the switch?
   I flip it fervently, over and over. Whichever direction the track is going when the train comes is entirely random, freeing me of all moral responsibility. To further wash myself of ethical burden, I kill the restrained person(s) that didn't get run over the train afterwards so that fair is made fair.
   
5. What would your dream date be?
   goblin
   
6. What would your nightmare date be?
   not goblin
   
7. What is the answer to this question?
   This is the answer.
   
8. In what ways did development of transportation bring about economic and social change in the United States in the period 1820 to 1860?
   In all the ways you'd expect. Easy question.
   
9. What is twice the half of 1 and 3/7ths?
   1 and 3/7ths
   
10. If you had to pick any United States President to look like, which one would you pick?
    There has never been a president handsome enough. There has never been a president beautiful enough. Where is she. Where.
    
11. If you were ice cream, what flavor would it be, and how quickly would you melt at room temperature?
    Salt flavor, liquid at any temperature
    
12. If an rocket weighing 500 kg is sliding across a frozen lake with a thrust force of 10,000 Newtons, and the coefficient of friction of the ice is 0.1, what is the rocket's acceleration?
    This is a trick question, there's no such thing as a frozen lake.
    
13. Did you know that over 10,000 Zamboni machines have been delivered around the world?
    Yeah.
    
14. What amazes you?
    Bright lights, new sounds. The phenomena of radio broadcasting.
    
15. How many verses does The Star-Spangled Banner have?
    None
    
16. How are you going to handle David Letterman?
    With gloved hands and safety goggles on.
    
17. Who would win in a fight: Batman or music?
    "Lose" yourself to dance. No contest. Batman wins.
    
18. Spell "stromuhr."
    That's not a question.
    
19. What's your favorite type of chair?
    Rocking.
    
20. Karl Marx once said, "Let the ruling classes tremble at a communist revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win. Workingmen of all countries, unite!" What do you think?
    I think Marx's subtle humor was never appreciated in his time. But now, it's very clear it's hilarious satire. Laugh with me! Laugh! Hyee! Hyee! Hyee!
    
21. If you were a woodchuck, how much wood would you chuck?
    Between 1 to 2 logs, depending on time of day and relative humidity.
    
22. Which member of One Direction do you know the least about?
    All of him.
    
23. A warden tells his 100 prisoners that he will let them go free if they can fulfill his conditions. In an empty room the warden has set up, there are two switches that are not hooked up to anything. The warden will pick a prisoner at random, even the same prisoner every time, and take them to the room, where they can flip one, both, or none of the switches, then leave. They will be accompanied by the warden, who will ensure they do not do anything in the room except interact with the switches and go back to their cell. Once in their cell, the prisoners are completely isolated from each other. To be set free, one of the prisoners must tell the warden that all 100 prisoners have been through this room. If he is wrong, all the prisoners will be executed. The prisoners have one chance to conspire before any of them have been through the room. How long until the warden is fired?
    He's already been fired. The whole building is on fire. You must run. You must get far away from here. The flame licks your heels. Can you feel the heat? It's here. It's time.
    
24. Writer's notes are from the writer. Editor's notes are from the editor. Who writes the Reader's notes?
    Someone who can read, therefor a reader.
    
25. You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here. What do you do?
    Call the police. "hello police? I'm here"
    
26. How do you measure success?
    Spoonfuls.
    
27. We've talked a lot about Southern hospitality tonight, but what do you have to say about it?
    Very little.
    
28. What is Oregon's state bird?
    A crude drawing of a goose.
    
29. When did you first realize you were beautiful?
    Just now, thank you.
    
30. Do you think we should repeal the 18th amendment?
    Repeal every amendment.
    
31. Why doesn't Cinderella's glass slipper change back to a regular shoe at midnight?
    Why can't a glass slipper be a regular shoe? That's kinda ignorant.
    
32. Who is the Vice President of the United States of America?
    Joseph Gordon Biden
    
33. Is it good?
    Yeah, come here.
    
34. What did the wall say to the other wall?
    Nothing. The walls have ears, not mouths.
    
35. If you won tonight, how would you tear down the patriarchy?
    Mandatory education of all people. Teach them not to be so stupid, not so cruel. Tear down the male ego. Tear down tradition. Teach empathy.
    
36. Are you jealous that contestant number 6 is so much better than you?
    No, but I am deeply envious. Green.
    
37. What is your first-date policy?
    Always be 5-6 hours late.
    
38. What will you give the orphans?
    Skin creme. If you can't have parents, at least you can have moist skin.
    
39. Would you rather own a cat-sized dog or a dog-sized cat?
    The concept of ownership is vile. A dog-sized cat. But the dog the cat is sized as is the same size as a normal cat. so a cat-sized dog-sized cat. Or. A cat.
    
40. Where is the bathroom? ¿Dónde está el baño?
    Here! Aquí!
    
41. In English, what is the Future Perfect Progressive tense?
    You will have to wait to find out.
    

what's your favourite grammatical error

who are you really

what's your favourite grammatical error

Spoken, intentional errors where you say "you're" when you should be saying "your"

who are you really

I'm me! goblin's. not you, I'm not you.

KITTEN EATER:
You have been gifted your 2 puzzle pieces. The third piece waits for you to ask the right question.

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1. What is a party if it doesn't really rock?
   
2. What is a poet?
   
3. What is a war if it doesn't have a general?
   
4. What's channel nine if it doesn't have Arsenio?
   
5. What is life if you don't have fun?
   
6. What is a what if you ain't got a gun?
   
7. What's Ali without Shaheed Muhammad?
   
8. What is a Quest if the players ain't willing?
   
9. What is a pence if you don't have a shilling?
   
10. What's a fat man without food in his gut?
    
11. What's a child birth, without the umbilical?
    
12. What's United Parcel, without the deliverer?
    
13. What's momma-san, without poppa-san?
    
14. What's martial arts without Daniel-San?
    
15. What's Rasheed without Tonya, Tamika?
    
16. What's orange juice and Doug E. Doug without Shaniqua?
    
17. What's Duke Ellington without that swing?
    
18. What's Alex Haley if it doesn't have roots?
    
19. What's a weekend if you ain't knockin boots?
    
20. What's a black nation, without black unity?
    
21. What is a child who doesn't know pubery?
    
22. What is my label when I exit boom status?
    
23. What's menage-a-tois, or, that is
    
24. What is sex when you have three people?
    
25. What are laws if they ain't fair and equal?
    
26. What's Clark Kent without a telephone booth?
    
27. What is a liquor if it ain't 80 proof?
    
28. What are the youth if they ain't rebellin?
    
29. What's Ralph Cramden, if he ain't yellin' at Ed Norton?
    
30. What is coke snortin'?
    
31. What is position if there is no contortin?
    
32. What is hip-hop if it doesn't have violence?
    
33. What is a glock if you don't have a clip?
    
34. What's a lollipop without the Good Ship?
    
35. What's S&M if you don't have chains?
    
36. What's a con artist if he doesn't have brains?
    
37. What's America without greed and glamour?
    
38. What's an MC if he doesn't have stamina?
    
39. What's music fractured without Mr. Walt?
    
40. What's Trugoy without a phrase called talk?
    
41. What's Kris Lighty if he wasn't such a baby?
    
42. What is a woman if she didn't say maybe?
    
43. What would be my penal cord if it wasn't brown?
    
44. What is a paper without a president?
    
45. What is a compound without a element?
    
46. What is a jam if you don't spike the punch?
    
47. What's a Brewski if you don't buy brunch?
    
48. What
    
49. what
    
50. what
    
51. what
    
52. what
    
53. what
    
54. what
    
55. what
    
56. WHAT
    

C.H.W.O.K.A star, you have exceeded the maximum number of questions that can be asked in any given 2 and a half hour period. In order to continue asking questions in the future, you most produce a fresh fruit. Peaches will NOT be accepted.

Furthermore, due to the aggressively repetitive nature of your questions, you will be given the additional burden of the Dunce's Pontoon.

My question to you: Can you redeem yourself?

how does one further probationize their self? Are aliens involved?

May I be excused?

Oh boy! Okay, I think I got a good question.
I know you shouldn't bring a gun to a knife fight, but what about a fork and spoon?

C.H.W.O.K.A star, you have exceeded the maximum number of questions that can be asked in any given 2 and a half hour period. In order to continue asking questions in the future, you most produce a fresh fruit. Peaches will NOT be accepted.

Furthermore, due to the aggressively repetitive nature of your questions, you will be given the additional burden of the Dunce's Pontoon.

My question to you: Can you redeem yourself?

yes

How could you forget the critically important tilde/hashtag key located between the enter and the aforementioned apostrophe key?

how does one further probationize their self? Are aliens involved?

You have entered an incorrect question to the query stack. You have now reached level 2 question probation. Do not tempt fate.

May I be excused?

I'm sorry, I don't know. I'd love if you stayed forever. You and me. Us.

Oh boy! Okay, I think I got a good question.
I know you shouldn't bring a gun to a knife fight, but what about a fork and spoon?

A fork is a pronged spoon, don't let the hype fool you. Don't bring either to a knife fight. It's right there in the name. You have earned your third puzzle piece. Assemble the puzzle, or be forever scalded by the heat of shame.

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yes

Redemption has been attained. However, you are still fettered to the Dunce's Pontoon. Feel free to continue to ask questions. Your days are numbered. One, two, three, etc.

How could you forget the critically important tilde/hashtag key located between the enter and the aforementioned apostrophe key?

I could forget thanks to severe head trauma.

I textually interpret 'there are so many apostrophes' as saying there are many keyboard layouts with which an apostrophe might be on, and we now know that Of Goblin types on a north american english keyboard and not a british one

This is not a question, you have received 60 warning speckles on your dozen lazy eggs.

if you started a restaurant named Goblin's, what would you serve? What would your business model be?

I would serve the patrons of the restaurant. The business model would be that of a restaurant. 60 more warning speckles, you are dangerously close to reaching Warning Speckle Nirvana. Do not tempt fate.

All future non-questions will be preceded by NaQ (Not a Question). _{NaQ: Nirvana in buddhism is the state of nothingness and freedom from inner-conflict achieved by annihilation of the self and transcendence from those earthly troubles which ultimately do not matter. I take it that warning speckle nirvana would be a state where all warning speckles cease to matter to my lazy nest and you could add as many as possible and still none would stick in any sense but a nominal one. Confirm or deny opinions on this if you feel it necessary; I have already formed my belief on it.}

Would I be able to activate my J. Hatcher in this thread to access gold tier questions?

The concept of NaQ is so offensive to me that you've acquired SO MANY warning speckles that you've SURPASSED the threshold for Warning Speckle Nirvana.. You've gone straight into the "shitzone".. I didn't name it. I would not have chosen that name.

Here's your prize:


Coincidentally, you now have access to Tin tier questions. Be gentle, they are a brittle bunch. Never speak of J. Hatcher again.

What do you think you know, and how do you think you know it?

1. What is produced
   
2. How will you produce it
   
3. Who gets it
   
4. Why
   

What do you think you know, and how do you think you know it?

I think I know how to peacefully pass through a cloud of angry bees. I know because I've done so. I'm doing so right now. Here they are.

1. What is produced
   
2. How will you produce it
   
3. Who gets it
   
4. Why
   

-Sweet ambrosia, that will make you go insane
-Mammalian glands (that's redundant!)
-You, and only you
-You're entering unknown territory. You will need a snack that bites back.

What would you say in response to this question if you decided not to answer it?

What would you say in response to this question if you decided not to answer it?

That's a good question

Alright... I had to climb a few mountains, melt some horses down for their glue, fight off some geese, but I did it. I assembled the puzzle.

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Bestow upon me my prize, good goblin.

1. What is your guilty pleasure popular culture reference in situations like these?
2.
3. Would you kiss a bug?
4. What, in your inestimable opinion, would have been an appropriate Question 2?

What question must no one ever ask?
What would your answer be to that question, in the hypothetical situation of somebody asking it?

1. Aren't all these "meta" questions infuriating?
   

Alright... I had to climb a few mountains, melt some horses down for their glue, fight off some geese, but I did it. I assembled the puzzle.

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Spoiler

Bestow upon me my prize, good goblin.

She has given us all a prize. Look upon your Advanced Question Larder and weep.



Weeping in the Larder will grant you the use of an additional question every other round.

1. What is your guilty pleasure popular culture reference in situations like these?
2.
3. Would you kiss a bug?
4. What, in your inestimable opinion, would have been an appropriate Question 2?

1. Use of the English language to communicate
2.
3. Not if it didn't want me to
4. Can you produce a jolly homunculus?

What question must no one ever ask?
What would your answer be to that question, in the hypothetical situation of somebody asking it?

All questions must never be asked. It is too late for us.

1. Aren't all these "meta" questions infuriating?
   

No one's asked about metal yet, besides Wheat in a roundabout way. Also, you misspelled metal. You have earned a misspelling coin, but cannot gain access to it until you have unlocked the coin master feat.

Who is, in general, the worst?

what are my orders