Shank A Bitch 3 Day Six: The Handsman Cometh (10/71 Alive)

also I feel like this is relevant somehow

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I'd vote Malkytop as per THe communists logic because yes paradoxes but malky might be fakeclaiming and that'd be a waste.
<b>shank: Kieros</b> because of schazers epic enthrallment.

Actually <b>shank schazer</b> because fuck bards.

I'd vote Malkytop as per THe communists logic because yes paradoxes but malky might be fakeclaiming and that'd be a waste.
<b>shank: Kieros</b> because of schazers epic enthrallment.

Actually <b>shank schazer</b> because fuck bards.

shank: eagletime for making me forget how to format.[/b]

you still fucked it up

you still fucked it up

Bwahahaha everyone's ignoring you this is hilarious Vote: Chirality

PLANS = FOILED

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A bonus rule reminder: If someone posts a day activation (a bolded action of some sort) in the thread, please stop posting until I can get in to respond to it!

Similarly, please don't fake a day activation and stop the game in its tracks for no reason! You'll probably end up mod-shanked.

DAYSHANK: Forge

Shank: Everyone who's missing this

I replied before finishing the thread whoops

looks votalish to me too

shhhhhhhhhhhhh

Despite the beautiful weather and the perfect set-up for a pool party, the assembled bitches follow their natures and proceed to bitch at each other for a good few hours, first threatening a particularly opinionated philosopher bitch and then a surely even more deluded goddess bitch with their assorted shanks. General bitch opinion had just swung on someone who had the temerity to declare that bugs bugged them when a literary interlude saw fit to interrupt.

Unlike some other, more unfortunate whales, however, this one manages to land right in the middle of the infinity pool and survive the trip. Bitches get drenched, but more importantly the whale is able to fulfill its existential purpose and hand Schazer her reward for services to Cetaceans everywhere, courtesy of META-SRUIXAN:

Schazer Has Won The Golden Mic

With its whale duties dispensed, it promptly pops back out of existence.

Which is just as well, since the sky isn't done dispensing things.

Two mysterious mail packages have been air-dropped onto the roof

As them bitches are all still in a somewhat democratic mood what with their bloodthirst not kicked up to homicidal levels just yet, they decide there's only one way to parcel them out:

Package Elections Have Begun!

Just vote to Elect: [Playername] to give them a chance at WONDERFUL MAIL-BASED PRIZES THAT PROBABLY DON'T BELONG TO THEM!

In the midst of all the package commotion, only a few bitches are paying enough attention to notice that

LOATHER HAS VANISHED

Just as the crowd starts realizing that one of them has up and dematerialized, Sruixan climbs onto a nearby diving board, stripped down to a pair of extremely flashy swimming trunks. Whipping out his shank, he

SWAN DIVES AND SHANKS RIVENFORGE RIGHT IN THE CHEST

....

At which point Rivenforge tosses Sruixan into the pool, spitting after him.

"Ugh, I just put this vest on this morning too. Rude, bitch!"

Livelist (70/71 confirmed alive)

1. Schazer
2. Solaris
3. Sai
4. NottheAuthor
5. Rivenforge
6. ICan'tGiveCredit
7. Akumu
8. AgentBlue
9. Seedy
10. Crowsy
11. Donut
12. Garuru
13. SupahKiven
14. OztheWizard
15. Palamedes
16. Pharmacy
17. Granolaman
18. Seawyrm
19. Coldblooded
20. TehPilot
21. Cat
22. anacreon
23. Visceral
24. cyber95
25. Niall
26. makerofthegames
27. bigro
28. Stiqqery
29. amosmyn
30. Red709
31. Eidolonic
32. Airey
33. Deviant One
34. Sanzh
35. druplesnubb
36. Pharas
37. Phish
38. konec0
39. fivex
40. Prime Intellect
41. Chirality
42. yd12k
43. Dragon Fogel
44. Gnauga
45. Pick Yer Poison
46. Sotek
47. Whimbrel
48. Fragowump
49. Ixcaliber
50. LegendaryQ
51. Chwoka
52. antisequitur
53. Kíeros
54. Dalmationer
55. Sruixan
56. x1372
57. Breadpocalypse
58. beruru
59. Scoffles
60. Acionyx
61. BlazerC
62. Plaid
63. speedchuck
64. wooferbattles
65. Mikeee
66. Truegreen
67. Loather - VANISHED?????
68. Demonsul
69. Everanix
70. Chocolate Pi
71. MalkyTop

I give that dive a 7 out of 10 and also a mailvote.

Elect: Sruixan

Elect: Sruixan
Elect: Schazer

That's just my way of saying "hello", you know?

Groupshank: Kíeros
Elect: Schazer
Elect: granola (assuming two packages means two votes, disregard if not)

Too Many Things Already Happening To Modshank Those Who Spoke Out Of Turn.... THIS TIME

Votals

(Also Sruixan's Dayshank wasn't extremely obvious what with that glorious trophy shining right above it)

MalkyTop - 10 (Acionyx, Breadpocalypse, ICan'tGiveCredit, druplesnubb, Scoffles, Mister Visceral, anacreon, fivex, Phish, Deviant One)
Kíeros - 10 (Pharas, Schazer, Dalmationer, cyber95, bigro, Dragon Fogel, Coldblooded, Not The Author, SeaWyrm, Sruixan)
TehPilot - 3 (Plaid, speedchuck, Palamedes)
Palamedes - 2 (Solaris, Demonsul)
bigro - 2 (MalkyTop, Crowstone)
Acionyx - 1 (OztheWizard)
Beruru - 1 (Sotek)
Niall - 1 (Everanix)
Solaris - 1 (Pick Yer Poison)
Seedy - 1 (TehPilot)
"Dratini" - 1 (Cat)
Niall - 1 (wooperbiddles)
Sruixan - 1 (Rivenforge)
"Capitalism" - 1 (Loather)
"THE OWNER OF THIS RESORT" - 1 (Whimbrel)
No Shank - 1 (Akumu)
Coldblooded - 1 (beruru)
Garuru - 1 (amosmyn)
SupahKiven - 1 (SupahKiven)
cyber95 - 1 (Kíeros)
Scoffles - 1 (Red709)
LegendaryQ - 1 (Sai)
"God" - 1 (Stiqqery)
Sai - 1 (LegendaryQ)
Gnauga - 1 (Gnauga)
"gemu no meka" - 1 (Garuru)
Chirality - 1 (Granolaman)
"The Votals" - 1 (makerofthegames)
Dragon Fogel - 1 (Pharmacy)
Ixcaliber - 1 (konec0)
Stiqqery - 1 (AgentBlue)
"KaiDash" - 1 (Eidolonic)
amosmyn - 1 (Airey)
"eagletime" - 1 (yd12k)

Abstaining - 15 (Seedy, Donut, Niall, Sanzh, Prime Intellect, Chirality, Fragowump, Ixcaliber, Chwoka, antisequitur, x1372, BlazerC, Mikeee, Truegreen, Chocolate Pi)

With 71 players alive, it takes 36 votes to groupshank a bitch, 17 votes if the day ends without a groupshank!

Day ends at 1:00 PM EST on Friday, July 11, or in ~50 hours!


MAIL ELECTION PACKAGE ONE

Sruixan - 2 (Akumu, Schazer)
Schazer - 1 (Sruixan)

MAIL ELECTION PACKAGE TWO

Sruixan - 1 (Akumu)
Granolaman - 1 (Sruixan)

Groupshank: XCOM

Ok in that case I'll Elect: Schazer in the interests of Sruix and I getting the prize

Elect makerofthegames
I am worth it!

i-it was real?


shank: Kieros
elect myself
elect chiral

elect red709

Niall's handy wrap up of shiz gone down - #1 "This fish shank ain't big enough for a whale!"

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SpoilerWelcome to Niall's earnest and entirely voluntary wrap-up of the first day's events.
Let's start with the opening votes:

My counterargument for who we should shankvote:

Shankvote: Beruru.

OK, I think we all saw that one coming. Next?

Vote: Niall.

I will have no 1D members at THIS party.

...I will tactfully let that one go, but this is your last warning. I can guarantee the real 1D Niall will rain hellfire down on you if he gets compared to me again.

Now we get to the finger pointing and the Competition for the Most Asinine Reason for Shanking Someone begins:

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I have a counter-counter argument.
Akumu is awfully close to Akuma which means demon in Japanese, y'know?
Shankvote: Akumu

First off, I take offense to the implication that I have anything to do with the monster known as Dang Ron Paul.

Secondly:
Akumu
A Kuma
A Bear

I don't know if this incriminates Akumu or Beruru, but there's definitely something fishy going on here. Something salmon flavored.

Lynch Akumu

they were bound to a certain contract while the sun stayed up.

Shankvote: Solaris

Let's shank in alphabetical order. GroupShank AgentBlue.

So first up it seems we have a string of shankvotes based on some tenuous link to the bitch's forum name. Good, but you lose points for lack of originality.

RVS: Schazer

Random.org gave me a one, one a one out of seventy-one. okay.

OK, certainly random, but not meaningless. Don't try and hide behind a curtain of chance, shank with conviction! Make the blood that seeps through the cracks 'tween your fingers as you thrust into the sternum of your unsuspecting victim all the more sweeter to lick off afterwards.

Shank: Dratini

Nihilist.

Lynch spadechuck for being a spade and not a blade,
Not a knife to stab today.

Utilitarian.

WOW OKAY FIRST DECREE AS YOUR NEW GODDESS

SHANK: TEHPILOT

Narcissist.

Lynchx1372

WOMBO COMBO

Yep, OK. You win.

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okay guys so here's my read list so far just based on my gut you know
...Maybe Not Scum But Possibly Also Third Party Slash Wild Card??
Solaris
Niall
Crowsy...

InB4 Obliterator. Plz no.

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Then, whales happened:

Also, Pharms, I hadn't seen your knife when I grabbed mine, I just like whales. Besides which, I combined whales and stabbing implements months ago, so it's clear who has priority here.

Claiming seniority? Such foolhardy arrogance.

We need a litmus test on who is the superior whale-aficionado.

Whale-based rap battle

OK, just for the record the appropriate response here isn't "Rap Battle", it's shank them and take their shank so there's no argument over who has the whale shank!

Obviously.

Akumu, that's a little gauche don't you think. Not really in the spirit of the noble members of the Cetacea. A majestic creature requires a majestic showdown.

Example:

youredoingitwrong.gif

So I heard you want to hear some raps cetacean, I'll take up your challenge, I'm no tourist sightseein'/
Ain't delaying/
Just saying/
You don't know what you're doin, slugger./
I'm impervious to heat, I'm coated in blubber./

Filter feeding on words in rhyming pods/
Keep ahead of you poor earthbound sods/
To catch me, you'll need the super rod/
So get beat, cos I'm bigger than a hundred cod.

Dammit, you're not even supposed to be in this argument. Shank them! SHANK THEM!

ALRIGHT BITCHES

OH COME ON! OK, I'll concede that is impressive, but you haven't shanked them yet. I give up! It's cochlea to me that my lobe of traditional means of conflict resolution is falling on deaf ears.

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Don't worry guys! I accept credit card!

Don't worry guys, I can fashion a shank out of a broken credit card! (That's a fantastic link BTdubs)

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Then there's my associates, the shouty, wordy people:

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NO, YOU FOOLS, WE MUST STAB KONEK0, THAT HE MAY GET WRECKED.

The screech of skidding tyres ... (RE-FUCKING-DACTED)

I REQUIRE MORE THAN ONE VOTE TO ERADICATE THE HEATHENS AND FIRST OF ALL IT'S GODDESS NOT GOD THIS IS VERY INSULTING

SHANK: ACIONYX

Karl Marx ”a powerful mind, a very learned man...(RE-DOUBLE-DACKED-DAMMIT)

Y'don' care f'r how I talk, you'n get better ears

Are you guys OK? CAn I get you anything? A glass of water? A throat lozenge? Oxygen tank? Valium?
I may have dodged a bullet here, role-wise.

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On some reflection, I think everyone has the right to shank at least once in their short lives.

No Lynch

I'm disappointed Akumu. This is the shanking equivalent of bringing your t-shirt cannon to a firing range and insisting they set up the targets for you. You don't earn the right to nightshank until you have survived Day 1.

Bleh, this post is a mess. I'm forum-rusty, me-thinks.
Elect: Akumu Hopefully through the gift of giving, Akumu will realise he needs to give his shiv to someone else, forcefully.
Also, Elect: Red709 because it looks like Red wants the gift and I am happy to oblige them.

fo real groupshank: genesect-hating kieros

elect: garuru
elect: garuru
elect: garuru
elect: garuru
elect: garuru
elect: garuru
elect: garuru
elect: garuru

unelect: 7 garuru's

elect: sruixan

Shank: Rivenforge, this is our chance to actuall y elminate a player d1.
Also, knowing that whoever is gets the packages will get a shitload of shanks after them, elect malkytop, elect: Kieros

elect: Malkytop*