Aluudon [DF]

Thriggle's Log: 1st Granite, 251, Early Spring - Not My Fault

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Dear diary,

It's not my fault.

After our wagon left the mountain halls we found ourselves under open skies in the human territory of our neighbors. I found their strange surface-homes somewhat disturbing, like blisters on the land.

Dwarven trade caravans are not unheard of in these lands, but we took care to keep contact with the humans to a minimum. At the time I feared that if our purpose were discovered, those mercantile humans would find some way to exploit us... already they claim ownership of most of our homeland peninsula, though they use only the crust, and demand outrageous tribute for mining licenses. Must we who inhabit the earth rent it from those who fear to set foot in a cave?!

In any case, we left the paved human trails behind as we entered the wooded isthmus that connects our continent to the lands of the north. Our maps from this point forward were based third-hand hearsay and tidbits collected from the human merchants. We knew only that far enough to the north, there were mountains. Mountains with riches perhaps guarded by green-skinned monsters...

"They're called Boglins," Doctor Palamedes stated, "Not goobers."

Schazer and Leafsword had been talking about how they would handle the monsters if we should encounter them. While Schazer insisted that a crossbow-bolt to the skull would be sufficient, Leafsword disagreed, saying that the goobers all have metal helmets, and that they only die when you slice off their arms at the joints.

I had been half-listening to the conversation, holding the reins of the wagon, and so did not immediately notice as the forest gave way to a foggy wetland. Only when I wondered at a light piercing through the mist did I realize that the sun had been obscured by fog and that our wagon wheels now sloshed through mud and puddles.

I pulled the yaks to a halt as the light approached. A human materialized from the fog, holding a lantern aloft.



"Who goes there?" The conversation about goober boglins ceased immediately.

"Oh, uh... We are humble merchants," I said. Then, thinking the human might be a bandit, quickly amended: "er, -erchent-aries. Mercenaries, I mean. Yep, mighty warriors! You wouldn't want to mess with us, no sir. Step aside, step aside!"



The human peered at us. "Don't you kids know better than to be playing around here at night?"

"Kids?"

"Didn't your parents tell you not play in the Swamp of Bewildering? It's dangerous out here! You might get attacked by bogeymen!"

"Bogeymen?"

"Yeah, or bitten up by rats and flies and mosquitos!"

"Rats?" said Schazer.
"Flies?" said Leafsword.
"Mosquitos?" said Masterblade.

"Yeah, now go on back. Take those ponies back home--your folks must be worried sick. Why, you're almost a half-day's journey from the road by now!"

Well at least our cover wasn't blown. And in any case, the human was right--we didn't want to be traveling through a swamp. So we followed his directions, leaving the marsh behind and following a gravel-paved trail heading north.

We passed farms and fields as we crossed the hilly prairies. Purple Walrus called my attention to the fact that the landscape stretched forever in all directions... with not a mountain in sight. I consulted our crude map, but this far from Lashedwebs I was beginning to doubt their accuracy...



We should have reached the mountain of riches by now. For that matter, we should have encountered the boglins in their swamp.

We struck camp in a rocky outcropping that night, but I slept uneasily. The others knew we should have reached the mountain by now.

The next day we came within sight of a human hamlet, and Palamedes had an idea. We had Leafsword carry Tripps on his shoulders and threw a cloak over them. Tripps did her best human impression ("Roofing and sobriety, amirite?") and sauntered into town for more information.



They were gone a long while. When they returned to camp, they said the humans had confirmed that, indeed, a mountain range lay to the north, but that the Boglin fortresses were now to the south. Well, Leafsword said Boglin, but Tripps insisted that the monsters are in fact called Gogglins.

"Did they say how far the mountains are to the north?" I asked.

"Three days by goat," said Leafsword confidently.

"I thought it was by boat?" said Tripps.

"No, I definitely heard the human say by goat. You should get your ears checked, Tripps. I think they're too narrow."

This was encouraging. Even with a wagon in tow, our yaks had the stamina to match a goat's pace for three days. I didn't realize humans rode goats, but I added it to the list of strange things I know about humans.

The next day the grassland gave way to black sand and rock. And sand. And more sand.

"Maybe it was by boat after all," said Leafsword.

So like I said, diary. It's not my fault.

Piece by piece, our wagon fell apart as we attempted to traverse the rock and sand, every jagged bump splintering our axles and spokes, while the yaks slipped upon the sand and strained against the sinking wheels.

We did not make it very far into the sandy terrain before our wagon was entirely immobilized.



The sun beats down upon us and there are no mountains in sight; just a few black sand dunes. Our only hope of rescue is the supply caravan scheduled to restock our outpost, and pray that the supply caravan follows the same route we did. But that won't be till winter, and I'm not sure our supplies will last that long...

Purple Walrus tells me the geology here is interesting and it might be worth striking the earth, if only to survey the minerals of the area for future expeditions. It might be a good way to keep everyone's minds occupied. In any case, we need to get out of this sun, so we'll have to dig. But this situation really stinks.

It stinks like old boots.

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Revised Map:

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Embark:

Deer Diary:

It's all thriggle's fault.

Seriessly, I'm the youngest dworf hear, and even I no that this whole situ- setyu- sichuayshon is redicyuluss.

Wi, of all places, would she deside to stop in a sodding DESSERT?! And NOWAIR near the few sorces of surfase water around.

Backtrack? No, thatd be silly. Talk to hyoomans yer bloodee self if yoo want to no the informayshon? No, lets send a guy hoo's lissening through a kote and a guy who's nown for his shitty memoree, that sounds like a plan. Not, maybe, sha fuk it the ranger, who has an exselent memoree, oh no.

I reelee hate it wenn a Rakust wershiper takes things 2 seriouslee, without telling everywon first.

Purple Walrus's Journal:

So I decided to start a journal. I don't know how long I'll keep updating it, but hey I'll worry about that later.

So anyway, morale is pretty low since we are in a desert with no sign of the mountain of riches anywhere. Though I feel all is not lost. The geology of this place intrigues me. Who knows, if we dig far enough we might find something valuable. We may have not found a mountain, but we might still find riches.

Purple Walrus Idokosh

Thriggle's Log: 2nd Granite, 251, Early Spring - Strike the Earth! (Not the Badgers!)

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Dear diary,

As soon as I'd announced our intention to stay here, Schazer started digging through our equipment for the crossbow.



I pointed out to her that we only have seven crossbow bolts and that I'd rather save them in case we need to offer ourselves to Rakust. And besides, we've got thirty barrels of meat, and the surrounding desert is totally devoid of edible wildlife.

She took issue with that, and claimed she could see an entire family of scrumptious critters on the northeast sand dune. She even described them to me.





I told her that boars and badgers are two different animals, and that mammals don't lay eggs. I think she was just looking for excuses to avoid work. She's been a bit touchy ever since she found out I spent her falcon stipend on ducks.



The animal dealer was out of falcons! I swear!



I assigned Purple Walrus (who already has some experience in mining), Masterblade (who knows how to work with stone in crafting and masonry) and Leafsword (the burly one) to begin digging out a suitable shelter for us. They immediately descended below the sand, shoveling and scraping with copper picks.

Since Tripps is so good at woodworking, I asked her to start disassembling the immovable wagon. We could salvage the lumber for some purpose. At the very least we can make some wooden crossbow bolts for Schazer so she can get on with her hunting.

Almost immediately, I heard Purple Walrus shout from below. I hurried down the steps to see what had caught his interest, passing Masterblade and Leafsword who were clearing black sand from the first layer. Purple Walrus had scraped the sand away from the rock below and carved a crude stairwell. The stone was black and glossy.



Obsidian! So close to the surface? Geology is Purple Walrus's specialty, not mine, but even I know that obsidian is a blessing. We can make cutting blades from its shards, and Palamedes insists that it is as valuable as marble in furniture and crafts. And it is a volcanic rock… could this indicate a magma pipe nearby?

We had better continue prospecting. This could be a very valuable resource indeed.

Hate to cut this entry short, but I've got to help Palamedes and Schazer bring our supplies underground, if only to keep them safe from the sun and Schazer's imaginary pig badgers.

Thriggle's Log: 28th Granite, 251, Early Spring

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Well, diary, it has been a productive month.

The prospecting has gone better than expected, and we've uncovered all manner of gems for Purple Walrus to cut and Palamedes to appraise.

The entry tunnel is jam-packed with food and supplies. Most of the storage is taken up by nearly-empty barrels containing mere scraps of meat, reminders of the length of our journey.



The miners still haven't finished the entry tunnel, where I'm hoping we can set up a suitable receiving area for the supply caravan. I think they're too excited digging through the obsidian a few floors deeper, and yelling about the jewels and stones they find.



To be honest, the three members of the mining crew have really outdone themselves; what started as a simple shelter in the sand is showing all the signs of becoming an obsidian palace. Though the walls are rough, I marveled at the large dining chamber they've hollowed out.



Which reminds me, I'll have to take Masterblade off mining duty so she can make us some stone tables and chairs. I wouldn't mind a bed either, now that I think of it.

Although we don't have any furniture just yet, I helped Tripp construct a crude craftdwarf's shop on the floor below the dining level so we could assemble some essential materials. The first order of business was crafting some wooden crossbow bolts for Schazer to use, which Tripps did, so we could unleash our ranger upon the wilderness at our doorstep. Which reminds me, I need to add doors to Masterblade's To Do queue.

But the second order of business is having Masterblade make some cute little nest boxes for our duckies! Palamedes is outside right now gathering up some plants that we can cook up with some duck eggs, but I'm going to try to let the first brood incubate long enough to hatch. I think ducklings are just the thing to improve everyone's spirits.

This dwarven rum is great. I wonder how much we have left?

Entry the first of Schazer Mengishash:

I've been tasked with writing down my personal experiences on the frontier by Expedition Leader Thriggle, for future generations or some rubbish. I personally can't see how the inner workings of a ranger keen to just do her job is gonna grip the minds of "future generations", but I guess that's why Thriggle's in charge of this outfit and not me.

Not that I'm fully on board with that. He promised me falcons to deal with any rats, damnit! And sure he didn't promise me decent bolts when we embarked but by Uthgar's ministrations, he surely could have done better than caravan scraps? I'm stealing those real bolts as soon as I can from under his Bookkeeper-aspirant nose. It feels like I've been wheedling and extorting and waiting to go out on a hunt for months, now.

Dare call me an elf, but I hope somewhere in this sandy hell is a patch of soil to plant some crops on. Nothing like a handful of cave wheat scroggin to tide a dwarf over while she's out hunting.

On which note: Badgers! Exquisite beasts. No shortage of bones in those little balls of rage, which'll make damn better bolts than this splintery rubbish. If Tripps might humour me and turn that wreckage into something more useful, such as cages, there's enough of the Meles Menace that I could turn my hand to capturing and taming a breeding pair. They'd be a nicer sight around the fortress than cats, at any rate.

I'm also capturing that echidna and leaving its egg-stuffed carcass in Thriggle's office if it's the last thing I do. Ask that degenerate which one of us knows their animals. That'll learn him.

Journal of Palamedes Ecemlimul:

Entry One:

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SpoilerHumans. No better than fatter, slower elves, except perhaps for the fact that they are fatter and slower. As we pass through their lands I hope for nothing more than to be struck blind so I don't have to look upon their overly tall features or ugly beardless chins or houses with roofs instead of ground above them. Leader thriggle claims to agree with me but so far we've only mostly avoided them. He must only mostly agree with me.

We have heard from the humans that boglins exist. Boglins, horrible creatures that are basically just shorter greener dumber elves. The rest of the group keeps referring to them as goobers for some reason except for Leafsword and Tripps. Regardless they shouldn't be a problem against a group of proud dwarves.

Entry Two:

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SpoilerI told them all the boglins would not be a problem, and I am not surprised to hear that I am correct. Schazer says that my being right has nothing to do with my knowledge on boglins but I think she's just jealous. After all she hasn't let me touch the crossbow since the journey began despite not being any better with it than I am. She told me she would wrestle me if I didn't take that back and not wanting to be knocked unconscious near humans I angrily accepted. Don't worry though journal, it's still completely true.

I find myself questioning leader thriggle's map skills. We still have not seen the mountains, and never ran into that boglin stronghold we were supposed to find. Then again, we were told this by humans who are almost definitely lying to us in order to get the mountains for themselves. They're probably even conspiring with the boglins to trap us. And the elves! I told leader thriggle about my suspicions but she has ignored my warnings. Tomorrow we carry on and I only hope things don't get worse because of our leader's foolhardy ignorance.

Oh yes, Leafsword and Tripps made a human yesterday. It was revolting.

Entry Three:

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SpoilerThis is all thriggle's fault.

Tripps entry the first:

5th of Granite

There are no fish here. No river. No water. It is a grand shame, in my opinion. Our glorious leader seems concerned that I will take him up on his offer of a crossbow bolt. But I am not as zealous as him on that subject.

And I actually find myself somewhat optimistic about our chances in this desolate wasteland. The humans seem to thrive here, so surely we can survive a scant few months! That is, if I can make anybody else understand that even particularly good batches of alcohol come in finite quantities. I for one would gladly volunteer to scout for some water. Even just a pond or something would be quite the relief, from the cruel desiccation and the overfriendly heat.

Journal of Palamedes Ecemlimul:

Entry 4:

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SpoilerI am sorry for my angry last entry journal. We are now lost in a desert without a cart and without anything but sand and more horrible sand. Well, except for those badger creatures moving in the northeast.

Leader thriggle has declared this will be the location of our new home. I think that she is taking her service to Rakust too seriously. I think she and Schazer are arguing about the badgers now, or on whether or not ducks and falcons are the same animal.

The rest of the group is sitting around doing nothing. Well, Leafsword and Purple Walrus are also writing journals but Purple Walrus will probably lose hers in a single day and Leafsword doesn’t really know his letters. So they are basically doing nothing.

Schazer and leader thriggle are finished with their discussion it seems. Instructions are being handed out. I have been given no tasks so I join them in watching the others dig and criticizing them. Masterblade and Leafsword are very slow, hardly getting past the sand to the dirt below. Schazer says that at least they were strong enough to be given a job. I tell her that she should look in an elf mirror. She waves the crossbow at me menacingly and I let it go.

I leave to get some drink and ask Tripps if she can make another crossbow out of the caravan lumber. Hopefully one more artistic and fancy then Schazer’s so I can show her up in front of Shosel.

Entry 5:

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SpoilerLeader thriggle has me moving boxes now. Schazer and I finally agree on something. This is no use for our talents, thriggle must pay. I will strike her where she is weakest – her ducks.

I think about asking the others to help but Purple Walrus is too busy finding obsidian, Master Blade is too useless at finding obsidian, Tripps needs to make me a crossbow, and Leafsword doesn’t know his letters and will probably give us away.

Entry 6:

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SpoilerThe past several days have been uneventful. I have worked closely with Purple Walrus to appraise the gems she keeps finding. I keep telling her that if it’s black, it’s obsidian, but she doesn’t seem to understand as of yet. I have also been visiting Tripp on a regular basis to try and convince her to throw off the shackles leader thriggle has placed on her. She keeps responding that she has neither the time or resources to make me a crossbow yet.

Yesterday was leader thriggle’s birthday. I cordially congratulated her on being another year older. Now that the day has passed I can finally get my revenge for this whole desert disaster. I was gathering plants we discovered outside where the desert is less deserty in order to properly season the duckflesh I would soon be eating. Leader thriggle discovered me however. I was initially worried she had caught me, but instead she said that getting together plants for the duck eggs was a good idea, but that we should wait for the next batch so we can have some ducklings. Yes, I said. The plants are for duck eggs I said. She bought it.

I am so clever.

However I should put off my plans for now, as any further attempts might tip leader thriggle off to my true intentions.

In other news, deserty is now a word.

Thriggle's Log: 1st Slate, 251, Mid-Spring - Thirst For The Worst

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SpoilerDear diary,

Tripps mentioned to me today that we should find a source of potable water in all this desert.

You'd think she wouldn't care so much about an inferior beverage like water, but I guess she wants to catch fish or take a bath or something. Her hair is pretty greasy.

I told her I'd try my best. Any medical facilities we establish will need access to a well anyway--Palamedes says sick and injured dwarves should only drink water, presumably as punishment for getting injured in the first place.

I'll have to ask Schazer if she sees any evidence of water in her hunts. I also asked her to start training our dogs for war. If there are boglins or goobers about, the dogs may be our first line of defense.

3rd Slate, 251, Mid-Spring - Oasis

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SpoilerWhile Tripps was felling some saguaro and highwood around our dug-out, she pointed toward the southeast, where a clump of deciduous trees stands around a pool of water that I had first taken for a mirage. A small turtle was crawling on the banks of the pool.



Amid all this sand, to have green grass, willow trees, and a pool of water… there must be an underground spring sustaining the small oasis. I'll check with Purple Walrus and see if there's some way we could tap into an aquifer under the oasis, if one indeed exists, to set ourselves up with a nice reservoir of bathwater.

9th Slate, 251, Mid-Spring - Of Cats and Quacks

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SpoilerHow did I let myself get talked into bringing two cats?

Lizard remains! Hamster remains! Large roach remains! These damn cats are making a mess.

Why can't they be nice and clean like ducks? Aside from the guano, the ducks are nice and neat. Speaking of which, Masterblade has constructed two nice little obsidian nest boxes for them. She set one of them up in the dining room, which I thought was as good a place as any.



Palamedes found this amusing for some reason.

Schazer said she saw a mosquito as big as a cow flying overhead but that it flew out of reach before she could shoot it down. Assuming she's telling the truth, it's probably a good thing. I don't particularly want to eat giant mosquito. Schazer's training the dogs for war now; we have them penned outside our entrance so they can keep an eye out while Tripps is felling trees.



Leafsword is slapping together some stone furniture and Purple Walrus is still mining. Palamedes, Masterblade, and I are focusing on getting our supplies sorted out and stockpiled correctly.

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Our dwarves are starting to make friends!

I can see why Masterblade and Leafsword became friends right away, with them both mining at the same pace, but how the rest of us made any connections is beyond me.

If you're interested, here are our current thoughts and relationships:


...Don't expect me to be this detailed once we're flooded with immigrants.

Thriggle's Log: 11th Slate, Mid-Spring - Release the Hounds!

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SpoilerSchazer says the dogs are war dogs now. I thought they were supposed to now be wearing armor and foaming at the mouth, but they look the same as ever to me.

Who's a good puppy? Such a good boy! Yes you are!

16th Slate, 251, Mid-Spring - Thrippin' Out

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Dear diary,

I had a waking nightmare today.

A swarm of half-bug, half-person creatures flew in from the north.


No less than ten of the abominable creatures descended upon our camp!

I called for Leafsword to arm himself and chase this menace from our lands.



He immediately dropped whatever he was doing and sprang into action, copper sword held high. He shouted something like "The Gears of Grasp are on the job!" then raced off into the desert.

But the grotesque bug people were agile, and Leafsword soon found himself chasing them all the way to the northeast sand dune. I could tell he was growing frustrated… he would chase one, then another would sneak up behind him and punch him, flying away before he could react.



Finally, Leafsword gave up and took a nap.

In the field.

Next to the bug monsters.



Poor kid. I figured he was thirsty after all that running around, so I brought him a bucket of water from the turtle pond. He didn't wake up when I approached, so I just poured the turtle water down his throat and set the empty bucket on his chest.



Kid can sleep through anything.

Deer Diary:

I FUKKING HAIT FLYSE.

ESPESHALLY BIG WONS.

Entry the second of Schazer Mengishash:

I'm pretty sure Palamedes has been converted to that foul overlord Thriggle's ministrations. I've still seen not hide nor hair of any bolts worth sneezing at, and Tripps still won't make with the wooden cages with which I must suffice if I'm going to catch us some badgers. My stock of war dogs that I'm apparently meant to be using to raise a canine militia look positively inbred, and if Leafsword's howling's anything to go by they're going to be put through their paces sooner rather than later.



The male (left) can be Rumpus, and the female Leo. Short for Leotard. Long may they bite on greater beasts' ankles and produce many offspring.



E: Bonus:



How did the ducks get a place to sit before I did?

Looked up the names of the Players which could be translated into dwarvish.

Leafsw0rd -> Govosdast0t
MasterBlade -> KinTarmid
Purple Walrus -> Rashrul Bufutgembish (Technically, that's purple tusk-seal, but there's no direct translation for Walrus.)
Denizen "Tripps" Shipper -> Bomsanrebaral "Umid" Zuglararal (Technically, it's Homeownwoman "Fall" Shipwoman. I had to get really creative with this one, can you tell?)

Rumpus -> Givel (Technically Scuffle, but it still kind of works.)
Leotard -> Kurel??? (That's Lion???, I got stuck.)

For the rest of you, you're beyond my help, I'm sorry to say.

Purple Walrus's Journal

Entry 2: 17th Slate, 251

Just realised that I should probably be dating these, so I know when I said what.
I haven't been writing in this thing, since I'm too busy mining and finding a butt load of jewels.
I'm actually pretty proud of myself. I totally called it that we would find something of value as soon as we started digging. I mean I literally stuck obsidian on the second day we got here.

In other news, we found some water and it looks like there could be more. Thriggle has asked me to figure out a way to channel it into the fort but I have bigger plans. If I channel the water into the right places I could turn this desert into grassland in a matter of months!
Though I feel that Thriggle is more concerned about having a bath.

Oh Also the other day I saw Leafsword bolt out of the fort. Apparently he was defending us from Bug people.
But all I heard he did was wave his sword wildly and fell asleep. Let's hope he doesn't nod off while fighting a dragon or something.

Thats pretty much it.
I don't know how Palamedes and Thriggle do it.
They write so much in their journals. I took a quick look at Palamedes's and he has like five entries. I mean thats how much time he has on his hands... lazy ass.

Purple Walrus Idokosh

Tripps entry the second

19th of Slate

The doctor keeps asking me to make him a crossbow. I've been telling him I'm too busy but the truth is I'm not sure I can.

When I work with wood, my intentions are mostly ornamental. I have to take into consideration the grain, the natural hue, and the surface finish. A skilled bowyer would be thinking about an entire different set of conditions, like tension or something. I don't even know where to begin.

If he asks again, I'll just make him the crossbow and claim he's a bad marksdwarf when it falls apart. Maybe Schazer would back me up, at least.

Although for all their insults, they seem to talk to each-other more than anyone else, now that I think about it. Weird.

Thriggle's Log: 26th Slate, Mid-Spring

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Dear Diary,

Leafsword is back from his nap (although I had to yell at him to go back outside and pick up his sword) and Masterblade built me a chair. I call it my Thinking Chair.



We also have a table and chair for the dining area now, and Masterblade is working steadily to get us some doors and hatch covers. That should do wonders keeping these darn acorn flies out of the dining hall. The little devils are pestering our precious ducks!



Leafsword seemed upset at first too, but I told him that they're just flying acorns, not actual flies. He seemed to calm down, so I guess he bought it. I then assigned him to mining duty with Purple Walrus.

They've finally got seven bedrooms dug out, so I'm having Tripps make us some nice wooden beds. The miners will be moving on to excavate the bathwater tunnel shortly. I hope they hurry up, because I can't think of a nicer hatching-day gift for the little ducklings that will be joining us soon.



Meanwhile, I'm taking some time to sit in my thinking chair and think some thinks.



Palamedes looked like he wanted something to do, so I sent him back outside to collect plants. Maybe he can turn them into medicine or booze or something, assuming he doesn't eat them all on the job. According to our records, last time for all his efforts he brought back a single prickle berry. Not even joking.

Thriggle's Log: 10th Felsite, Late Spring

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Dearest Diary,

You know, this place may be a little snug at the moment, but it's starting to feel comfortable, like old boots.

Tripps built three beds for us before she ran out of wood, then went outside to cut down a few more cacti.



In the interest of replenishing our dwindling alcohol supplies, Purple Walrus, Leafsword, and Masterblade have mined out a sandy area a couple floors from the surface.



I'm sure the volcanic sand will be great for growing pig tails, which means more ale for everyone!

Lizards keep crawling into our food stores, but the cats are doing a decent job rooting them out, so we still have plenty to eat. I think we should all have a meal together to celebrate.

Palamedes came back inside after searching all the nearby shrubs, and still he claims to have found nothing. Before he could complain about having nothing to do, I sent him to cook us a proper meal, now that we have a proper dining room.



That prickle berry better be delicious.

Purple Walrus took a break from mining to whip up a fresh batch of plump helmet wine.

14th Felsite, 251, Late Spring

Dinner time!



Even Schazer came inside for the occasion. She claimed that there's simply nothing worth hunting out there, unless we want to descend into barbarism like the elves and start chowing down on sapient beings.



…But I could tell she just missed our company.

Thriggle's Log: 1st Hematite, 251, Early Summer

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Dear Diary,

Progress continues on the sewer tunnel. All that's left is to clear the rocks and gems out of it, then we'll start digging for the spring beneath the oasis.



I hope there actually is an aquifer under that green patch.

Thriggle's Log: 12th Hematite, 251, Early Summer

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Guess what, Diary?

We finally saw something worth shooting at in the desert today!





An enormous tortoise! It would feed us for months!

I watched from the top of the stairs as Schazer grabbed her crossbow and ran into the desert. Schazer pursued the beast for a little ways--it was surprisingly fast, for a tortoise. She took aim with her crossbow and fired:



A glancing blow, but I was sure the next shot would ring true.

Alas… she…

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She got thirsty and gave up.

Fine.

FINE.

If she can't keep pace with a tortoise, of all things, I guess she was serious about needing those cage traps.

Since we have enough beds now, I've asked Tripps to make some cactus-rib cages for our esteemed hunter. I suppose I could let her use those seven copper bolts we have too, though we still haven't found any metals with which to replace them.

I shouldn't be too hard on Schazer… I can't expect any of us to stay in that desert heat for long.

But what can we do? Build some sort of a hunting shack with barrels of booze in the middle of the desert?

…Hmm.

Thriggle's Log: 8th Malachite, 251, Mid-Summer

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Dear Diary,

Operation Outsmart-A-Tortoise is underway.

I'm having the miners scrape away the slopes of the northwest sand dune so that any critters that want to come down from it will have to go through one of a number of bottlenecks. With wooden cages by Tripps and some obsidian mechanisms that Doctor Palamedes built in his spare time, we'll trap that wily tortoise next time she comes around.



In other news, the farm is now in operation. Nobody really wants to plant or till it, but I think it's a good safeguard in case the supply caravan gets delayed. Tripps, Schazer, and Palamedes planted when they had free time, which, for Schazer, has been ever since the tortoise ran away.



She and Tripps have also taken up fishing pond turtles from the small murky pond to the north of our entrance. Perhaps by murdering her smaller, aquatic cousins, we'll provoke the giant desert tortoise to return, seeking vengeance.

I also gave orders for a depot to be built to receive the supply caravan, but everyone seems too busy to handle it. Guess I'll have to get out of my chair and do it myself.

Journal of Palamedes Ecemlimul:

Entry Seven:

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SpoilerTripps has discovered a most important discovery! A turtle! Also some trees and water or something like that. I have told leader thriggle that we must have that turtle immediately as it clearly represents a sign from Inod and needs to be respected. I doubt that she will start listening to my excellent advice now though, after ignoring it so far.

There is some good news though, the cats have taken up tiny cat arms against leader thriggle. They drop the remains of their foes all over the fortress as a warning of what will befall her if she continues with these ducks and ordering people to do things when I want them to do other things like build me a crossbow. Hopefully leader thriggle learns her lesson from the cats before more drastic measures have to take place.

Entry Eight:

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SpoilerNo luck. In fact, leader thriggle has spent valuable time and resources crafting her ducks beds. Schazer point out that the ducks have gotten places to rest before the rest of us. I have found that despite our bickering I am appreciating her as a kindred spirit in this land of sand and ducks.

At least Masterblade seems to be taking our side in the matter too. She’s set the ducks up in the dining room. The perfect location for the perfect crime.

Unfortunately I must help leader thriggle with sorting out supplies and other such trifles. I do not want to spend even more time than usual hearing about how great ducks are, but at least it gives me something to do. Maybe I can even use this job against leader thriggle? Schazer seems skeptical but I told her that she should stop worrying about me and instead focus on not making the wardogs freaks. She told them to attack me. Thankfully they are barely trained as of yet and did no such thing, but I still fled.

Entry Nine:

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SpoilerLeafsword fell asleep fighting a bug man. I told leader thriggle that a good crossbow bolt would do the job safer and swifter. I added in that two crossbows would be even better. Leader thriggle neither listened to my advice or picked up my suggestion. I diagnosed Leafsword with chronic lazyitis and suggested leader thriggle get water thrown on him. She reported that she had already brought him water. I do not understand why she has to take medical issues into her own hands.

Entry Ten:

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SpoilerLeafsword woke up. He was mostly fine but was blabbering some nonsense about names and saying he could be called Govosdastot and how he couldn’t help me. Shows you what happens when an amateur tries to perform doctor work.

I also caught Purple Walrus reading my journal today. She skulked off after muttering something about being a ‘lacey ass’. She is probably just upset because she forgets where her journal is or that she should be writing in it altogether. She seems so upset that she can’t even form proper insults. ‘elf ass’ would have been far better.

Entry Eleven:

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SpoilerLeader thriggle finally listened to concerns about a lack of furniture for resting, especially considering she had some for the ducks made right away. Unfortunately she decided to respond by only having a chair made for herself. Eventually she had another chair and table for eating made as well, but immediately set Masterblade to work on doors and covers instead of beds or more chairs.

I guess it’s because of the acorn flies, but I still don’t get why a thinking chair is more important than beds or actual chairs for everyone. To spite leader thriggle I sit in the thinking chair whenever she isn’t looking.

I’ve given up on getting Tripps to make me a crossbow for now. I thought she was avoiding the subject due to leader thriggle forcing her to build more duck furniture or something, but after reading her diary looking for evidence against leader thriggle I discovered that she simply doesn’t know how. What kind of woodsmith doesn’t know how to make a crossbow but can make bolts? What kind of woodsmith dwarf knows how to make not weapons but not weapons?

At least she’s building some beds. I have tried to call one as mine, we’ll see how that goes.

Entry Twelve:

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SpoilerI was sent on another expedition to gather plants and supplies. Leader thriggle hoped that I would find something this time, besides a single prickle berry. I reported that I did not.

Of course, that was a lie. Both times I had found many prickle berries. However, both times I tried to make some wine out of them since I have grown tired of the plain old drink thriggle brought with us. Unfortunately I am no brewer, and it turns out that just stomping on the berries until they are mush does not make wine.

As some sort of punishment leader thriggle assigned me to make a meal for the whole fortress. Little did she know this was the exact opportunity I was waiting for. Back when she had made me handle inventory with her I had hid something, and the meal would be the perfect time to use it.

Needless to say the entire dinner was a success, everyone seemed to enjoy it. Even leader thriggle. Which is strange, considering goose was not the only fowl I mixed in. Many laughs were had, though I don’t think any knew why I was laughing, of the revenge I had gained in secret.

Journal of Palamedes Ecemlimul:

Entry Thirteen:

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SpoilerToday we discovered another great omen of Inod, a mighty giant tortoise! I was too busy giving praise though to notice leader thriggle order Schazer to kill it. Despite my many protestations leader thriggle decided to push the hunt forward.

It seems I may once again find a need for revenge.

Thankfully Schazer listened, declaring that the tortoise wasn't worth her being thirsty.

Entry Fourteen:

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SpoilerI have been building some devices in my spare time. It is a hobby of mine.

Leader thriggle stole them from me in order to make tortoise traps. This can not stand.

Entry Fifteen:

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SpoilerLeader thriggle has placed me on garden duty. This is likely to quell my protestations to the tortoise hunt. He also has Schazer gardening as punishment for not bowing to his will, and if darker rumours prove true leader thriggle is forcing her and Tripps to murder random turtles for no reason other than to provoke the great tortoise.

Also leader thriggle has finally started to do some actual work herself. An admirable first step.

Name: frigidScholar, dwarf nickname: "Dizzy"
Immigration Preference: Don't care!
Overseer Preference: I literally just picked up the game, so definitely not right now. Maybe later, but probably not.
Skill Preference: I know it's random now, but if I have the aptitude for masonry send me there.

Thriggle's Log: 9th Malachite, 251, Mid-Summer - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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Spoiler
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE



12 little ducklings!

You shall be Quark.

You shall be Feathers McGraw.

You shall be Daffy.

You shall be Lord Quackington.

You shall be Donald.

You shall be Darkwing.

You shall be Duckula.

You shall be Webster Howard VanderPuddles.

You shall be Lightning Sluglord.

You shall be bill.i.am.

You shall be Quacker Jack.

And the last one shall be Goose…

Say, where did that cuddly ball of cuteness run off to, anyway?

This won't do, having the little darlings running free in our dining room--someone might step on one!

I've asked Purple Walrus to take a break from Operation Outsmart-A-Tortoise in order to provide some finishing touches on duckling nurseries on either side of our food supplies.



I'm having Palamedes round up the ducklings and pen them in their new homes. If there's one person I can trust to show the precious ducklings the care and attention they deserve, I'm sure it's the good doctor.


And I bet their cuteness will improve his normally dour attitude!

Thriggle's Log: 16th Malachite, 251, Mid-Summer - Have You Seen This Duckling?

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Dear Diary,

I can't find Goose anywhere.



I'm starting to get worried.

Thriggle's Log: 22nd Malachite, 251, Mid-Summer - Goose Update

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Dear Diary,

Still no sign of Goose.



Beginning to lose hope.

:(

Thriggle's Log: 26th Malachite, 251, Mid-Summer - Buzz Kill

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I think I know what happened to Goose.

At first I thought maybe those hideous cats had gobbled him up, but I was unable to find any evidence for that hypothesis.

But today Schazer brought back her first kill: a buzzard.

Undoubtedly my darling innocent little Goose wandered outside and was snatched away as dinner for this wretched creature or its brethren.

I need to make sure nothing happens to the rest of them.

I won't lose another.

Thriggle's Log: 28th Malachite, 251, Mid-Summer

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Dear Diary,

I was disturbed from my planning for Project Duckling Defense when I heard Schazer calling from the entryway.

Visitors were inbound! And what's more, they were coming to us from the desert to the north!



We all hurried to the top of the stairs, Leafsword armed for trouble, to catch sight of these mysterious visitors.

To our relief, they were neither elves nor boglins, nor even humans... they were dwarves!

The first, an elderly bald-headed Dwarven woman, identified herself as "Some Donkus."


Then came a thin woman who claimed her name was "Slorange."


And finally came a younger, incredibly muscular woman named "Dizzy."


And also a lamb?!



The three women looked bedraggled, haggard, disheveled, and every other unfortunate and piteous word I can think of. Of course we opened our doors to them, giving them shelter from the desert heat, offering them food and drink...

I'm happy to have the miners excavate some rooms for them, and we can put them to work immediately on Project Duckling Defense, but I admit to being extremely curious about them. Once they've had a chance to rest I expect them to fully explain themselves and their presence in this distant desert, providing me written reports for posterity.

I can't help but wonder... have they seen the rumored Mountain of Riches?

I love how my journal posts keep fitting with things happening after the fact.

If ducklings provided usable bones, you would have had a crossbow by now.