Oh God Why: Day Three: IT'S LOOOOOOSE (18/30)

FINALLY A LYNCH CANDIDATE THAT I CAN TRULY GET BEHIND! YOU'RE GOING DOWN GRAMOLAMAN!

LYNCH: NEUTERMECH

ELECT: MALKYFEAR

Bartender: fill 'er up (Rum)
Bartender: fill 'er up (Rum)
Bartender: fill 'er up (Rum)
Bartender: fill 'er up (Rum)

I have an important proposition for all eligible lynch targets.

How would you like it if I told you all about spiders? What do you think of spiders? Have you considered more spiders in your daily life?

I have an important proposition for all eligible lynch targets.

How would you like it if I told you all about spiders? What do you think of spiders? Have you considered more spiders in your daily life?

Only every second, Schazer. Please, do frighten tell us.[/i]

AUFGHGHPRDHLKM GOD DAMN TAGS SKLGMALKG KLTLKGTLG,

ALSO I WANT THE LYNCH TARGETS TO BE SPIDER'D. SPIDER'D SO HARD THEY'LL FALL IN LOVE WITH ALL ARACHNID SPECIES.

PLEASE DO NOT ASK ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY ROCKS IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE.

SPEAKING OF ROCKS I ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE OF MURDER ROCK MURDER PAPER MURDER SCISSORS OR WHATEVER THE SHIT. I WAGER MY TWO-TON TUNIC AGAINST YOUR LOTUS TWISTER

I for one welcome our new arachnid overlords as long as they destroy the neutermech and free the murder dogs.

Well, now that the civil war is over... /rejoices/
I can get behind that Neutermech lynch. :D Nobody messes with Honeydew.
Alternatively, I'm up for a TehPilot lynch or a Seedy lynch. =P
Lynch: Neutermech!
... Sure, tell me about spiders. :3

Pala I think you're being too serious about players being too serious

I'm sorry that sounded like heresy you being too serious. Seriously.

Also we can't lynch neutermech guys we don't even have a rope big enough.

Rope will be provided.

Alas, the despicable creature must be destroyed, even if they have destroyed an evil candy based person. There is just no redemption from that... Lynch: Neutermech

Excellent! This will be a post about... .


Spiders are arthropods, which mean they have primordial soup in a chitinous shell instead of organs. They squirt this soup out of their joints to move around via jet propulsion.


Spiders cannot turn clockwise, but can dispatch prey several times their size using venom injected from their chelicerae.


Contrary to popular belief, spiders cannot dance. What you see here are many-legged currants.


The peacock spider, an accomplished rhythmic-mover, is neither a true spider nor a peacock. In truth, it is a type of wren.


All spiders are carnivorous, with any one able to capture and incapacitate prey up to six hundred times its own size. Bagheera kiplingi is an exception, a vegetarian spider named in homage to Rudyard Kipling. It eats bananas, panthers, and whole jungles if left unchecked.





According to folklore, accidentally eating a spider is good luck.


Different spider families can be distinguished by their different numbers and arrangements of eyes. Some species have no eyes; others have eyes on the end of their mouthparts. Some even have an odd number, or are asymmetrically arranged around their face!


Some spiders can build trapdoors, but use them to keep people out rather than ensnaring the clumsy-footed or incautious. Spiders will instead kill you in honourable hand-to-hand combat.



Spider hands are fully retractable, much like a cat's claws. They have two thumbs, protective fur, and can accurately shoot their highly venomous fingernails into your throat from across a room.


The black widow spider, despite its name, has 100% male catch rate in the wild.


White spiders contain the genetic information for every pigmentation that can be biologically produced, though they do not express any themselves. Because of this, if two white spiders breed their offspring can be any combination of any colours of the rainbow (and some that aren't).


This spider is named after the 44th president of the United States of America, Barack Obama.


That concludes my currently-available facts about spiders, although I'd love to tell you more about them if you're interested.

I quite enjoyed those spider facts.

AAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

*clap clap clap*

I was clapping with my spider hands if you didn't notice-OH HOLY FUCK I HAVE SPIDER HANDS
WHERE DID THOSE THINGS COME FROM

just gonna... put those things away. They were for a special occasion and this seemed appropriate

This thread is now the murderspider breeding thread.

Everyone's murderspiders are now white. As the great philosopher Socrates once said, "It's orgy time!"

this was not an activation

Whoo spiders.

Schazer is there any way to defeat spiders or is it completely futile to try and fight these fearsome beasts?

Can't someone reprogram the neutermech to go after things with 8 legs like creepy crawly spiders?

Spiders cannot be defeated, except by other spiders. Spiders will not accept foreign currency in exchange for spider-assassinating services, as money spiders (see below) are the only acceptable form of currency.


money spiders are the common term for members of the spider family Linyphiidae, from the superstition that one landing on you would spin you new clothes and associated tasty currencies.



Luckily, the vast majority of spiders would rather get on with their daily spider lives, and give useful reminders that getting on with your daily non-spider life is optimal for happiness!


Some spiders participate in advocacy work, reminding people that spiders only kill to eat, kill in self-defence, kill for sport, kill for justice, kill for mistaken reasons that are later justified as justice, and kill to remove petty annoyances from their daily lives. They do not do this all the time, nor can you make the excuse that they are not killing when they are sleeping.


Spiders never sleep.


Never.


Your best strategy against the spider menace is to realise the "spider menace" is a mental fabrication which only seeks to extend the conflict.


Spiders are, for the most part, paragons of good citizenship, notably being excellent parents for creatures without an endoskeleton. They will give all their children piggybacks simultaneously so none of them can claim favouritism.


Some spiders will make entire shelters for the offspring, using what a human could only attempt to approximate the physical properties of with semen and body hair (and doing a far less gross job of it).


The more sociable species of spider will cooperatively build arboreal colonies in this fashion, which unlike human habitations will do a decent job at repelling unwanted cohabitants. They're also carbon-neutral!


Although no spider has an exclusively aquatic lifestyle, Dolomedes spiders (no relation to you, Palamedes) can walk on water through the power of surface tension. They are also accomplished figure skaters when the situation calls for it.

Seriously though do not fuck with these guys and they will not fuck with you. Probably.*

*Being fucked with void where applicable. Applicable where I hear you talking shit about spiders. [/size]

This is another ode to spiders disguised as a friendly neighbourhood warning to anyone who tries talking shit about spiders around me.

Keep bandying aspersions around like "creepy" and "crawly" and I might just put your skeleton on the outside and dump you in a public space and then we'll see who's "crawling" and "creeping" and "making passersby shriek and/or call ambulances"


Talk shit about spiders and I will fuck you up thiiiiiiiiis much


We cool? We cool. Spiders are cool.

Spiders.

*talks shit about spiders*

COME AT ME BRO

texcat, if we reprogram the neutermech like that, then how will the spiders get a chance at a sneak attack?

Brought to you in part by Pandas.

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Spoiler

They are the spawn of Satan and will kill you for no reason if yo attack/touch their babies in anyway.

Here is an excerpt from a video where someone touched this poor male panda's babies

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Spoiler

Do you touch panda babies? I sure as hell hope not.

Although no spider has an exclusively aquatic lifestyle, Dolomedes spiders (no relation to you, Palamedes) can walk on water through the power of surface tension.

Do ho ho.

This is also a good point and I'm glad you've confirmed it.

Spiders cannot be defeated, except by other spiders.

I know I'm dead but jumping spiders are adorable and I will haunt your house/trailer/park bench if you disagree. Little girl ghosts can be really creepy, so I urge you to agree.

Alternatively, maybe we can talk the spiders into attacking the neutermech?

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

i can't

i can't delal

spieders nooooooooooooo

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

i'm running away i can't take spiders