Hurt or Heal: Fortuna Edition

Diana 1
Eris 2
Fortuna 3
Hades 1
Hermes 0 -- (muhahaha)
Poseidon 2
Somnus 2
Thanatos 2

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SpoilerDead list in order
Nike
Mercury
Mors
Apollo (Greek)
Athena
Pales
Artemis
Helios
Echidna
Apollo (Roman)
Aphrodite
Hypnos
Pan
Persephone
Eros
Cronus
Cupid
Jupiter
Zeus
Hermes

Diana 0 (-)
Eris 2
Fortuna 3
Hades 0 (-)
Poseidon 2
Somnus 2
Thanatos 2

Eris 3 (+)
Fortuna 3
Poseidon 1 (-)
Somnus 2
Thanatos 2

Eris 3
Fortuna 3
Poseidon 1
Somnus 2
Thanatos 0 (--)

Eris 3
Fortuna 3
Poseidon 2 (+)
Somnus 1 (-)

Eris 4 (+)
Fortuna 3
Poseidon 0 (-1)
Somnus 2

Wasn't Posiedon on 2 health?

Eris 3
Fortuna 3
Poseidon 2 (+)
Somnus 1 (-)

Eris 0 (--)
Fortuna 3
Poseidon 1
Somnus 2

Fortuna 2 (-)
Poseidon 0 (-)
Somnus 2

Seeing as Fortuna is in the lead I decided to roll a die for what to do.

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Spoiler

Fellow rolls a 7 sided die. A 4 is rolled.

Fortuna 2
Poseidon 1 is also dead.
Somnus has been slain. 0(--)

Edit whoops got a ninja. I'm not rerolling though, sorry Somnus.

Fortuna is now officially your patron. She rolls a die to see how to react to this:

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Spoiler

Fortuna rolls a 100-sided die. A 77 is rolled.

Fortuna non-canonly breaks the fourth wall and brings to life Fortuna memes new, old, ridiculous, touching, dead, and undying. It is difficult to tell whether or not this is amazingly great or utterly horrifying.

COBALT:YELL AND INSULT 3
Fortuna Corn 3
Huermeme 3
Number BRAND NEW CAR 3
Super Ultra Gay 3
Nova: Bring up The Racism Ladder 3
Bob's Generic Meme 3
Rodney: Do it for her 3
The Bee Movie 3
WOOP WOOP 3
Gime Yes/No 3

Feel free to add more memes since I don't know all of them. (PS Not sure if BRAND NEW CAR or the character commands are memes or not...)

COBALT:YELL AND INSULT 5 (++)
Fortuna Corn 3
Huermeme 3
Number BRAND NEW CAR 3
Super Ultra Gay 3
Nova: Bring up The Racism Ladder 3
Bob's Generic Meme 3
Rodney: Do it for her 3
The Bee Movie 3
WOOP WOOP 3
Gime Yes/No 3

COBALT:YELL AND INSULT 5
Fortuna Corn 3
Huermeme 3
Number BRAND NEW CAR 3
Super Ultra Gay 2 (-)
Nova: Bring up The Racism Ladder 3
Bob's Generic Meme 4 (+)
Rodney: Do it for her 3
The Bee Movie 3
WOOP WOOP 3
Gime Yes/No 3

COBALT:YELL AND INSULT 4 (Err healed twice but you can only heal once so I'm taking one off)
Fortuna Corn 3
Huermeme 3
Number BRAND NEW CAR 3
Super Ultra Gay 2
Nova: Bring up The Racism Ladder 3
Bob's Generic Meme 4
Rodney: Do it for her 3
The Bee Movie 1 (--)
WOOP WOOP 3
Gime Yes/No 3

Fortuna Corn 3
Super Ultra Gay 2
Nova: Bring up The Racism Ladder 4 (+)
The Bee Movie 1
Bob's Generic Meme 4
COBALT:YELL AND INSULT 4
WOOP WOOP 3
Rodney: Do it for her 3
Number BRAND NEW CAR 2 (-)
Gime Yes/No 3
Huermeme 3

Nova sorts the memes via racial assessment.

Fortuna Corn 3
Super Ultra Gay 2
Nova: Bring up The Racism Ladder 4
The Bee Movie 0 (-)
Bob's Generic Meme 4
COBALT:YELL AND INSULT 4
WOOP WOOP 3
Rodney: Do it for her 4 (+)
Number BRAND NEW CAR 2
Gime Yes/No 3
Huermeme 3

Fortuna Corn 3
Super Ultra Gay 2
Nova: Bring up The Racism Ladder 4
Bob's Generic Meme 4
COBALT:YELL AND INSULT 4
WOOP WOOP 3
Rodney: Do it for her 3-
Number BRAND NEW CAR 2
Gime Yes/No 4
Huermeme 3
Kinkshaming 3

Fortuna Corn 3
Super Ultra Gay 2
Nova: Bring up The Racism Ladder 4
Bob's Generic Meme 4
COBALT:YELL AND INSULT 4
WOOP WOOP 3
Rodney: Do it for her 3
Number BRAND NEW CAR 2
Gime Yes/No 4
Huermeme 4 (+)
Kinkshaming 2 (-)

Helios face also enters the fray! (if this doesnt count as a turn from me, if it does disregard)

Fortuna Corn 3
Super Ultra Gay 4 (++)
Nova: Bring up The Racism Ladder 4
Bob's Generic Meme 4
COBALT:YELL AND INSULT 4
WOOP WOOP 3
Rodney: Do it for her 3
Number BRAND NEW CAR 2
Gime Yes/No 4
Huermeme 4
Kinkshaming 2

Fortuna Corn 3
Super Ultra Gay 4
Nova: Bring up The Racism Ladder 4
Bob's Generic Meme 4
COBALT:YELL AND INSULT 4
WOOP WOOP 3
Rodney: Do it for her 3
Number BRAND NEW CAR 1 (-1)
Gime Yes/No 4
Huermeme 5 (+1)
Kinkshaming 2

Fortuna rolls a die for the memes' survival:

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Spoiler
She rolls a 82 out of 100. They live on, but barely! Everybody takes a massive 2 point chunk out of their health.

Fortuna Corn 1
Super Ultra Gay 1 (You can only heal once per turn, so taking one off)
Nova: Bring up The Racism Ladder 2
Bob's Generic Meme 2
COBALT:YELL AND INSULT 2
WOOP WOOP 1
Rodney: Do it for her 0 (-1) Fortuna did not roll well for this ship captain.
Number BRAND NEW CAR 0
Gime Yes/No 2
Huermeme 4 (+1)
Kinkshaming 0
Helios's Face 1

Fortuna Corn 1
Super Ultra Gay 1 (You can only heal once per turn, so taking one off)
Nova: Bring up The Racism Ladder 2
Bob's Generic Meme 2
COBALT:YELL AND INSULT 2
WOOP WOOP 2 (+)
Gime Yes/No 2
Huermeme 4
Helios's Face 0 -

Fortuna Corn 1
Super Ultra Gay 1
Nova: Bring up The Racism Ladder 1 (-)
Bob's Generic Meme 2
COBALT:YELL AND INSULT 3 (+)
WOOP WOOP 2
Gime Yes/No 2
Huermeme 4

Fortuna Corn 1
Super Ultra Gay 0 (-)
Nova: Bring up The Racism Ladder 1
Bob's Generic Meme 2
COBALT:YELL AND INSULT 4 (+)
WOOP WOOP 2
Gime Yes/No 2
Huermeme 4