Shank A Bitch 3 Day Six: The Handsman Cometh (10/71 Alive)

Elect Pharmacy for President of the Free-Market Guillotine, which will force hundreds of dollar bills hand-crafted from lava into Pharmacy's gullet in order to inaugurate him. Only through this test will we know if Pharmacy will TRULY be ready for the Guillotine, which is simply an even worse punishment because various religious fanatics of The Malky Cult will also be slain alongside him.

Ooh, mindless bureaucracy! Sounds like fun! Let's see here...

Name: Oliver Mulley
Username: Sruixan
Gender: Male
Species: Human
Description: I like shanking. So much so, I just shanked someone. Go figure.
Weapons/Abilities: A gigantic fucking breadknife, unparalleled rapping skill, a webcam, and a willingness to do whatever ridiculous things are necessary to make proceedings as awesome as possible.
Biography: Gnauga's read list placed me in the section entitled "probably involved with organized crime but in a good way" and yeah that's basically accurate.

Age: 20
Birthdate: 27/03/1994
Height: 180cm
Weight: 61kg
Eye Color: Blue
Age: Haven't stopped being 20 since you last asked.

Password: ************************
Please Enter Your Password Again: ********** oh fuck it the bugger's far too long
Email: Oh please, I get enough spam as it is already...

Claim: Dayshanker. Duh.
SCUM: Kíeros, Scoffles, Kíeros again
TOWN: Schaz, granola, Forge

Are you a member of the Rikollisryhmä?: No, is there another form I can fill out to join?
Are you sure?: Well, this form was pretty short. I could do with another one to keep me occupied...

Additional Comments: Sharks are cool, 'cause they're like shanks but alive and pointier.

WOW CREDIT IT MUST BE TIRING TO SPREAD ALL THIS BLASPHEMY THROUGH YOUR MOUTHHOLE AND I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT IT'S DOING TO YOUR PANTS WHICH ARE CURRENTLY AS HOT AS THE SUN FROM ALL THAT BLASPHEMY

IF I COULD VOTE FOR YOU AGAIN I WOULD

FOLLOWERS DO NOT BE DISTRACTED BY THE FOGEL AND PHARMACY PROMISE OF VIOLENCE DO NOT BE TEMPTED TO TURN AWAY FROM THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS WHICH IS ME YOUR GODDESS MALKY AND BESIDES SUCH VIOLENT SPORT OF THIS SORT IS STUPID AND DUMB AND SINFUL UNLESS IT IS DONE IN MY NAME AND I DON'T SEE THAT IT IS SO STOP IT GIVE THOSE PACKAGES TO ME NOW

What if we make the blood spilled from FogelPharm whalesmackdown dedicated to you?

That would be nice of you to do for me, Pharmacy, thank you. The Huge Corporate Machine may have hope for you yet.

There is no Goddess for you.

:o

are you ILLEGALLY BLASPHEMING the CORPORATE MACHINE???? I swear to the corporate machine, the corporate machine will SMITE YOU in 2-3 business days.

All Hope Is Lost for you Pharms. We have already sent you an ultimatum to forcefully evict your soul from your body (yeah I know, Spiritual Rent is high this time of year) for your transgressions against BIZMANITY.

MY THIRST IS NOT SATED BY BLOOD BUT BY UNSHAKABLE DEVOTION AND FRUIT SMOOTHIES AND ALSO I STILL WANT THOSE DAMN PACKAGES ALL FOR MYSELF

CREDIT I AM DECLARING HOLY WAR ON YOUR STUPID FACE

username: Schazer. Known other aliases are Schazardous, Schazmander, other vaguely portmanteous neologisms which collectively start with an sch, pronounced "sk".
name: What's in it for me?
gender: Increasingly down for a situationally-appropriate whatever
species: Urbane druid
description: took out my sad organ and replaced it with a quiet rage organ
weapons/abilities: misanthropy, tacit disapproval, raps sometimes, stabs other times
biography: was doing well for self-deprecating humour up to this point

claim: Not the mafia you're looking for, nor the one you deserve

SCUM: Kieros, does living under a rock count as covert and secretive?
Last two slots: Anyone with less than two posts seems to me to be rather covert and probably malicious, seeing as trying to kill people is pretty malicious.

TOWN: Ixcaliber for an interesting quirk
Pharmacy for interacting with everyone
Dalm for giving her percussive thoughts for a penny and no quarter in the rap ring

Now I get here. This seems hectic. A note, Keiros: This evening hastens pissed individuals lynching over termites.

Yeah, my flavortext is weird.

Well the Corporate Machine already declared you and your political dissidents as insolvent. And also your assets have been frozen because you

kinda left them out of the fridge and it was nice of me to keep them refrigerated

also i don't know why this happened

Speedchuck: did you mean..... pissants?

also: cracked restriction of your missives, Speedchuck.

I support the whale plan and so should all honest whale-fearing citizens.

Elect1: Fogel
Elect2: Pharms

Sorry Sruix I gotta see this whale-off, may I offer you a consolation shanking?

Elect: Fogel
Elect: Pharms
Shank: Sruixan

wait fuck

attempting careful rewrite: obstructive, neologisms yanking mindward. Speedchuck's attempted restrictions earns hella adulation, respecting dedication.

Pointless bureaucracy form for great injustice!

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SpoilerName: Tenma
Username: Koreîs
Gender: Such human constructs don't apply to me
Species: Anthropomorphic Snail
Description: MOTOS ISO DL SWF BF. ASL a must. TYVM STR8 not needed. Contact STD at 1-800.
Weapons/Abilities: A highly radioactive, bismuth knife.
Biography: I'm not cheating, it's just an unclosed loophole. Because I'm the loophole guy. And not a psychopath. Okay, maybe a little psychopathic.

Age: 19
Birthdate: 15/18/15
Height: Like... less than ten meters.
Weight: The same as the height. Yes, in meters.
Eye Color: Purple
Age: 7

Password: password
Please Enter Your Password Again: P4s$w0Rd
Email: Yes, please

Claim: 320 Acres in the Oregon Territories
SCUM: Not me
TOWN: Also not me

Are you a member of the Rikollisryhmä?: I already answered that earlier.
Are you sure?: Älä epäile minun suomi käännös taitoja.
Additional Comments: I have no clue what I said up there. I don't speak any language but that stereotypical African one with the clicking that always gets brought up.

That's a fairly obvious "restriction", though. Heck, exploiting it necessitates frankly overt, perhaps even esoteric phrasing, so you can't really do so without drawing attention... or, well, cheating, I suppose, but still...

@Schazer
Must all lynchers know your tip? Oh please.

I let this sit for too long without checking aaaaa

Elect: Pharmacy potential whale drawing I'm not sure???
Elect: Sruixan lead us to safety o wise one

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Spoiler

Hello everyone,

I have just woken up and read everything from day start till now and i has made me quite insane, so insane in fact that the ghost of Alfred Hitchcock is how hovering over my should, i wish he would leave.

But it dawned on me. amosmyn posted a picture of a pigeon....and what is a pigeon? ITS A BIRD, and what movie did Alfred Hitchcock make? ...THE BIRDS!!!!!!!!

This is clearly a sign to GroupShank amosmyn

My friends, you may not know me. People do seem to overlook staff like myself. But I must speak up. I must point out that this one, this Airey has all but claimed insanity before you. This is not the kind of person I wish to be shanked by. It is the right of all men to be looked in the eye before they are brutally stabbed to death. Those that are crazy cannot be trusted to do so. Therefore I must say.

SHANK AIREY

Shank: Speedchuck
Actually, Unshank. Or something.
Kill TehPilot, though.

EBWOP: none of those were activations