RE: Quick Dirty Bastards: I've got a plan and it starts with 'g'
09-01-2013, 04:03 PM
A Quick and Dirty recap (or two) for some Quick and Dirty Harvestine-powered mayhem:
Harvestine, where weret thou
Harvestine, where weret thou
SpoilerShow
While the rest of our Bastards were off fighting megacorps, petrolheads, and their own personal demons (both drug-induced and cyberterrestrial), what was everyone's favourite ork up to?
Harvestine's fallen off the grid since Episode 4, when she was left with an exploded apartment, a busted-up moped, and under the questionable worship of an up-and-coming civilisation of mole people.
She's luckily been making productive use of her off-screen time - Harv's gone back to school and picked up a few useful spells from Magus Margery, lives in the old groundskeeper's cottage of the Crones' high school base of operations, and even gets to hang out with her sewer-buddies under the grounds of interspecies ambassadoring.
One of these said molefolk is fanning her with a giant palm frond, when it has a dizzy spell and collapses. Being the third fan-bearer this week to do so, Harvestine realises something is amiss and that her loyal worshippers could use an influx of magical herbs and fungi into their collective diet. It dawns on her that it's been a while since she's caught up with the Bastards, and tries having a chat to Peter.
Peter's commlink fritzes on him, so no dice. TNT (as played by Pharmacy for this session) isn't much more helpful on the manashroom front, but does offer to drive his favourite grenadier to the Bastards' shared apartment. He's only been watching chick flicks and getting in one of his sad ruts that him and Harv have been "off" again for the past month, so it's not like he's got much better to do. He swings by inPete's TNT's Rad Van and picks up Harv, along with an entourage or Molefolk (Fishermen's Friend, Chicken Tonight, Pocari, and Snickers the Secret Service Moleperson).
Outside the apartment, not much is going on except for what appears to be a possessed blender trying to eat a hobo's arm. Harv reckons this is a great chance to test her new Physical Barrier plus Grenade combination, and blows up the kitchen appliance for an appreciative TNT. Vista (guest starring Chwoka), Guy's Fault Sprite, was the one possessing it and declares himself almost impressed by Harvestine's little stunt. He'll forgive her if the highly destructive trio agree to go wreck some things for the hell of it, but Harv's got responsibilities now. She's got molefolk to look after and by damn she's going to look after them.
The trio (two meatbags and the sprite) are led by the molemen and Ben The Wolf to a quickly-exploded sewer grate, where they trudge through Seattle's finest effluent for a bit before running into a pack of Redheads. They meet the only fate you could expect if you badly startled TNT and Harv, and lead the way to a well-guarded door that has all Ben The Wolf's hackles in the air. TNT tries to talk feelings and relationships with Harvestine, who's more interested in whatever's eating magic and threatening her subjects. Vista thinks metahuman emotions are hilarious and keeps mocking the two for indulging in rubbish like mutual affection. Harvestine makes a note to tell Guy to clear out his cache somewhere down the track.
Way too much plastic explosive later, the door still holds, but the ceiling doesn't. A thoroughly alarmed Carlyle, some old geezer who was on the streets above the duo's demolitions party, asks them what the hell they're doing from the fresh whole in the sewer ceiling. They make a run for it, but Harvestine's clumsy attempts to slow the geriatric down with a bit of sneaky magery just pegs her as (obviously) a mage. Oops.
The team regroup at a molefolk base, where Carlyle introduces himself and reckons that they might have mutually compatible goals.
"Libby," Harvestine introduces herself. Vista raises a cybrow and ducks out the back of the cybershack to go check something else
"Carlyle," says Carlyle.
"Carlos," reaffirms Harvestine, as she's already forgotten his name. Vista's back already with a shit-eating polyharmonic tinkling in his grin as he asks Ms Lydia Ko what exactly she's playing at with the fake names. Harvestine asks Carter for a moment and violently threatens Vista with deletion if he goes snooping through her personal information again. Vista just laughs, because most of Harv's threats bank on narking on Vista to Guy. Harvestine destroys her commlink out of frustration, or because she legitimately thinks this would've killed Vista.
Vista goads TNT again, which somehow works as reverse psychology and makes Harvestine angrily heft up TNT by the head and kiss him. Dayum. Carlsberg just kind of ignores this and tells Harvestine that he's going to need door codes, which means he'll need a distraction for the guards around Renraku's headquarters while he sneaks on in. Harvestine's the distraction queen so she sets off, but TNT's got other plans.
Yes, plans that start with G.
The pair and Vista end up on the Crones' sports field, which has quietly overgrown into a full-blown forest. A bunch of liberated zoo animals wander the grounds, and TNT's looking for the perfect target to maim, kill, and present to Harvestine as a symbol of his undying love and biologically appealing skills as a successful hunter-gatherer.
He tackles a giraffe. With his face. Vista helps by opening and closing the bleachers, braining the giraffe until it goes down with a final grenade to the leg. Harvestine and TNT reckon a giraffe is a perfect distraction, which would be even better if it were packed full of plastic explosive, like a Trojan Giraffe or something. Or! If we turned the neck into a grenade launcher. But! Once rigor mortis sets in, getting it across town on the Rad Van'll be too hard. So let's put it on rollerskates!
The two set to work, giggling inside the giraffe's stomach like a pair of six year olds in a cardboard box fort. Vista is put on driving duty, the two still hidden in the giraffe's midsection, hoping to whatever pixellated deities he worships that the braying noises are the two just pretending to be giraffes.
Our power couple reaches their destination, and Vista goes and finds that Clarence guy because he's probably way more interesting than whatever these dipshits are going to do. As it turns out, they get the giraffe safely to the front steps of the Renraku building, but get no further because STAIRS. A ROLLERSKATING GIRAFFE'S GREATEST FOE.
The natural solution is to detonate grenades under its feet and rocket launch it, so Harv and TNT do just that. They proceed to attract a fuckton of guards with guns, and have trouble retaliating when the grenade-launcher giraffe neck goes out of control and starts spinning around like a helicopter blade.
A distraction of the finest calibre the giraffe does make, though, and Vista and Carmel quickly send word that they've got the coordinates. Only thing left to do is extricate themselves from the giraffe torso, so Harvestine and TNT BLOW IT UP. FROM THE INSIDE. Harvestine's Physical Barrier barely protects them as they fly out the already-damaged upper portion of the giraffe in a spray of quadrupedal gore. They high-five, land on a roof, and regroup in the sewers to crack that sucker open. Harvestine and TNT would like to head home and watch Pacific Rim 4 at this point, but Harvestine remembers that her molepeople still need manashrooms. Charlemagne informs Harvestine of a decent crop of manashrooms a ways out of Seattle, and gives her directions. Harvestine pauses only to grab a fresh bag of grenades off her lover (so romantic) before riding off into the desert.
Harvestine's fallen off the grid since Episode 4, when she was left with an exploded apartment, a busted-up moped, and under the questionable worship of an up-and-coming civilisation of mole people.
She's luckily been making productive use of her off-screen time - Harv's gone back to school and picked up a few useful spells from Magus Margery, lives in the old groundskeeper's cottage of the Crones' high school base of operations, and even gets to hang out with her sewer-buddies under the grounds of interspecies ambassadoring.
One of these said molefolk is fanning her with a giant palm frond, when it has a dizzy spell and collapses. Being the third fan-bearer this week to do so, Harvestine realises something is amiss and that her loyal worshippers could use an influx of magical herbs and fungi into their collective diet. It dawns on her that it's been a while since she's caught up with the Bastards, and tries having a chat to Peter.
Peter's commlink fritzes on him, so no dice. TNT (as played by Pharmacy for this session) isn't much more helpful on the manashroom front, but does offer to drive his favourite grenadier to the Bastards' shared apartment. He's only been watching chick flicks and getting in one of his sad ruts that him and Harv have been "off" again for the past month, so it's not like he's got much better to do. He swings by in
Outside the apartment, not much is going on except for what appears to be a possessed blender trying to eat a hobo's arm. Harv reckons this is a great chance to test her new Physical Barrier plus Grenade combination, and blows up the kitchen appliance for an appreciative TNT. Vista (guest starring Chwoka), Guy's Fault Sprite, was the one possessing it and declares himself almost impressed by Harvestine's little stunt. He'll forgive her if the highly destructive trio agree to go wreck some things for the hell of it, but Harv's got responsibilities now. She's got molefolk to look after and by damn she's going to look after them.
The trio (two meatbags and the sprite) are led by the molemen and Ben The Wolf to a quickly-exploded sewer grate, where they trudge through Seattle's finest effluent for a bit before running into a pack of Redheads. They meet the only fate you could expect if you badly startled TNT and Harv, and lead the way to a well-guarded door that has all Ben The Wolf's hackles in the air. TNT tries to talk feelings and relationships with Harvestine, who's more interested in whatever's eating magic and threatening her subjects. Vista thinks metahuman emotions are hilarious and keeps mocking the two for indulging in rubbish like mutual affection. Harvestine makes a note to tell Guy to clear out his cache somewhere down the track.
Way too much plastic explosive later, the door still holds, but the ceiling doesn't. A thoroughly alarmed Carlyle, some old geezer who was on the streets above the duo's demolitions party, asks them what the hell they're doing from the fresh whole in the sewer ceiling. They make a run for it, but Harvestine's clumsy attempts to slow the geriatric down with a bit of sneaky magery just pegs her as (obviously) a mage. Oops.
The team regroup at a molefolk base, where Carlyle introduces himself and reckons that they might have mutually compatible goals.
"Libby," Harvestine introduces herself. Vista raises a cybrow and ducks out the back of the cybershack to go check something else
"Carlyle," says Carlyle.
"Carlos," reaffirms Harvestine, as she's already forgotten his name. Vista's back already with a shit-eating polyharmonic tinkling in his grin as he asks Ms Lydia Ko what exactly she's playing at with the fake names. Harvestine asks Carter for a moment and violently threatens Vista with deletion if he goes snooping through her personal information again. Vista just laughs, because most of Harv's threats bank on narking on Vista to Guy. Harvestine destroys her commlink out of frustration, or because she legitimately thinks this would've killed Vista.
Vista goads TNT again, which somehow works as reverse psychology and makes Harvestine angrily heft up TNT by the head and kiss him. Dayum. Carlsberg just kind of ignores this and tells Harvestine that he's going to need door codes, which means he'll need a distraction for the guards around Renraku's headquarters while he sneaks on in. Harvestine's the distraction queen so she sets off, but TNT's got other plans.
Yes, plans that start with G.
The pair and Vista end up on the Crones' sports field, which has quietly overgrown into a full-blown forest. A bunch of liberated zoo animals wander the grounds, and TNT's looking for the perfect target to maim, kill, and present to Harvestine as a symbol of his undying love and biologically appealing skills as a successful hunter-gatherer.
He tackles a giraffe. With his face. Vista helps by opening and closing the bleachers, braining the giraffe until it goes down with a final grenade to the leg. Harvestine and TNT reckon a giraffe is a perfect distraction, which would be even better if it were packed full of plastic explosive, like a Trojan Giraffe or something. Or! If we turned the neck into a grenade launcher. But! Once rigor mortis sets in, getting it across town on the Rad Van'll be too hard. So let's put it on rollerskates!
The two set to work, giggling inside the giraffe's stomach like a pair of six year olds in a cardboard box fort. Vista is put on driving duty, the two still hidden in the giraffe's midsection, hoping to whatever pixellated deities he worships that the braying noises are the two just pretending to be giraffes.
Our power couple reaches their destination, and Vista goes and finds that Clarence guy because he's probably way more interesting than whatever these dipshits are going to do. As it turns out, they get the giraffe safely to the front steps of the Renraku building, but get no further because STAIRS. A ROLLERSKATING GIRAFFE'S GREATEST FOE.
The natural solution is to detonate grenades under its feet and rocket launch it, so Harv and TNT do just that. They proceed to attract a fuckton of guards with guns, and have trouble retaliating when the grenade-launcher giraffe neck goes out of control and starts spinning around like a helicopter blade.
A distraction of the finest calibre the giraffe does make, though, and Vista and Carmel quickly send word that they've got the coordinates. Only thing left to do is extricate themselves from the giraffe torso, so Harvestine and TNT BLOW IT UP. FROM THE INSIDE. Harvestine's Physical Barrier barely protects them as they fly out the already-damaged upper portion of the giraffe in a spray of quadrupedal gore. They high-five, land on a roof, and regroup in the sewers to crack that sucker open. Harvestine and TNT would like to head home and watch Pacific Rim 4 at this point, but Harvestine remembers that her molepeople still need manashrooms. Charlemagne informs Harvestine of a decent crop of manashrooms a ways out of Seattle, and gives her directions. Harvestine pauses only to grab a fresh bag of grenades off her lover (so romantic) before riding off into the desert.
peace to the unsung peace to the martyrs | i'm johnny rotten appleseed
clouds is shaky love | broke as hell but i got a bunch of ringtones
eyes blood red bruise aubergine | Sue took something now Sue doesn't sleep | saint average, day in the life of
woke up in the noon smelling doom and death | out the house, great outdoors
staying warm in arctic blizzard | that's my battle 'til I get inanimate | still up in the same clothes living like a gameshow
clouds is shaky love | broke as hell but i got a bunch of ringtones
eyes blood red bruise aubergine | Sue took something now Sue doesn't sleep | saint average, day in the life of
woke up in the noon smelling doom and death | out the house, great outdoors
staying warm in arctic blizzard | that's my battle 'til I get inanimate | still up in the same clothes living like a gameshow