RE: Let's Play: A Terrible Experience
06-18-2013, 06:23 AM
Yeah, yeah, everybody loves Pratchett. Just, no need to make a reference just for the sake of making it, you know?
Anyway uh,
Here's some stuff
Anyway uh,
Here's some stuff
Show Content
Spoiler![[Image: boab71_zps1f94f2f7.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab71_zps1f94f2f7.png)
First things first, the cheapest bit of Black Marketing, the fish. Ostensibly useful for bribes, using it just kind of tosses it on the ground in front of you, where it flops around disconsolately. The fisherman does not seem impressed by my offering.
Off to go get more filthy lucre, to buy Legal Merchandise!
![[Image: boab72_zps2b28a159.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab72_zps2b28a159.png)
While I pretty quickly determined that by FAR the fastest way to make money is by finding the area with the highest amount of cuttable grass and just repeatedly mowing it, that gets boring pretty quickly. I started wandering Hyrule field to get the lay of the land and make money mopping mobs. Most of it's not worth mentioning here (there being a limited number of times I can say DERE WERE TEKTITES, I FOUGHT 'EM especially in a screenshot LP), but I did find a church of some sort!
I kind of hope it's a save point like it was in LttP. I actually haven't figured out a way to save yet.
![[Image: boab73_zps320add6d.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab73_zps320add6d.png)
Oh, nope. Exposition ahoy. Fun fact, I accidentally missed one line near the end of this transcription; fortunately, NPCs say the same thing every time you approach. The entire same thing. Every time.
Story of the Legendary Sword!
Knil: We already know it
Myra: I would like to
hear it!
Knil: All right, sweety.
Priest: Long, long ago
when people searched
adventure, they angered
a great evil at an other
land. War broke out and
many have fallen…
But then the Hero came,
forged the legendary
sword and defeated evil!
Knil: It wasn't quite
like this way.
Oh, yeah, no, where would we be without the infallibility of fourteen-year-old historians. Seriously, you'd think they'd try to at least justify why Knil would have reason to contradict the priest here, aside from just being the protagonist and therefore always rightest and smartet.
Myra: Psst! And so,
the Maste… I mean, the
'legendary' sword is
here?
Good save there, subtle. Again, where is this privileged knowledge coming from? Has anyone else ever referred to it as anything but the legendary sword?
Yes, my children.Indeed.
You can see it, but
mustn't touch it.
After all, this is the
only item that let's
you break the Death
Mountain Seal and take
the leap to other lands.
Which is, forbidden.
Myra: Is there a way we
could touch it?
Myra has a pretty short attention span.
Knil: Is there a secret
entrance?
And Knil's just an idiot.
Priest: There isn't any
secret entrance. …..
Oh! It's so terrifying
to lie! I admit that
a chamber leads from
Hyrule Castle to here,
Fortunately, so is the priest.
Hyrule Castle to here,
but fierce Darknuts are
watching! Some are
reborn on dying, and
some are hold the power
of a god! So, you can't
touch the Sword, but you
can see it if you give
me something to eat…
Bitch, you ain't gettin' my fish. Not yet.
I was honestly tempted to just give it to him now so I wouldn't have to listen to the spiel a third time when I was ready to progress, but that would seriously hinder Operation Purchase All Things. Overachieving is worth a little time. Off to capital some more isms!
Speaking of...
![[Image: boab74_zps880ccdb4.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab74_zps880ccdb4.png)
I'm now the proud owner of a brand new stolen Magic Bottle! With no access to potion shops or bug nets, it's a pretty wise investment.
Back to the field!
More exploring, still not much worth screencapping. I find a purple rupee at one point (as well as a hidden heart piece) but both happen quickly enough that I end up capturing the frame after Knil puts his arm down. Ho hum
Eventually I do find a weird little building tucked into the southeast. Let's find out what's inside!
![[Image: boab75_zpsc56afaf3.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab75_zpsc56afaf3.png)
gleeok, a mute cat, a purple deku scrub and
…
And
Annnnnd
![[Image: boab76_zpsead47e71.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab76_zpsead47e71.png)
No. No, no no. No. Why is this. Why is this? I am completely out of any kind of snideness or attempted witticisms right now. What the fuck is wrong with this game?
Christ almighty.
Myra: Hey! That's human slavery!
MisterySalesMan: Ah, you
are Myra and Knil! I can
tell things for rupees.
And that's it. No more objections, no explanations, no more justification. Just "I sell little girls for sex." "That's slavery!" "Yep. I can also give you hints for money." "We'll be on our way then."
I...
Ugh. Just...
Ugh.
This game makes my tired ache.
First things first, the cheapest bit of Black Marketing, the fish. Ostensibly useful for bribes, using it just kind of tosses it on the ground in front of you, where it flops around disconsolately. The fisherman does not seem impressed by my offering.
Off to go get more filthy lucre, to buy Legal Merchandise!
While I pretty quickly determined that by FAR the fastest way to make money is by finding the area with the highest amount of cuttable grass and just repeatedly mowing it, that gets boring pretty quickly. I started wandering Hyrule field to get the lay of the land and make money mopping mobs. Most of it's not worth mentioning here (there being a limited number of times I can say DERE WERE TEKTITES, I FOUGHT 'EM especially in a screenshot LP), but I did find a church of some sort!
I kind of hope it's a save point like it was in LttP. I actually haven't figured out a way to save yet.
Oh, nope. Exposition ahoy. Fun fact, I accidentally missed one line near the end of this transcription; fortunately, NPCs say the same thing every time you approach. The entire same thing. Every time.
Story of the Legendary Sword!
Knil: We already know it
Myra: I would like to
hear it!
Knil: All right, sweety.
Priest: Long, long ago
when people searched
adventure, they angered
a great evil at an other
land. War broke out and
many have fallen…
But then the Hero came,
forged the legendary
sword and defeated evil!
Knil: It wasn't quite
like this way.
Oh, yeah, no, where would we be without the infallibility of fourteen-year-old historians. Seriously, you'd think they'd try to at least justify why Knil would have reason to contradict the priest here, aside from just being the protagonist and therefore always rightest and smartet.
Myra: Psst! And so,
the Maste… I mean, the
'legendary' sword is
here?
Good save there, subtle. Again, where is this privileged knowledge coming from? Has anyone else ever referred to it as anything but the legendary sword?
Yes, my children.Indeed.
You can see it, but
mustn't touch it.
After all, this is the
only item that let's
you break the Death
Mountain Seal and take
the leap to other lands.
Which is, forbidden.
Myra: Is there a way we
could touch it?
Myra has a pretty short attention span.
Knil: Is there a secret
entrance?
And Knil's just an idiot.
Priest: There isn't any
secret entrance. …..
Oh! It's so terrifying
to lie! I admit that
a chamber leads from
Hyrule Castle to here,
Fortunately, so is the priest.
Hyrule Castle to here,
but fierce Darknuts are
watching! Some are
reborn on dying, and
some are hold the power
of a god! So, you can't
touch the Sword, but you
can see it if you give
me something to eat…
Bitch, you ain't gettin' my fish. Not yet.
I was honestly tempted to just give it to him now so I wouldn't have to listen to the spiel a third time when I was ready to progress, but that would seriously hinder Operation Purchase All Things. Overachieving is worth a little time. Off to capital some more isms!
Speaking of...
I'm now the proud owner of a brand new stolen Magic Bottle! With no access to potion shops or bug nets, it's a pretty wise investment.
Back to the field!
More exploring, still not much worth screencapping. I find a purple rupee at one point (as well as a hidden heart piece) but both happen quickly enough that I end up capturing the frame after Knil puts his arm down. Ho hum
Eventually I do find a weird little building tucked into the southeast. Let's find out what's inside!
gleeok, a mute cat, a purple deku scrub and
…
And
Annnnnd
No. No, no no. No. Why is this. Why is this? I am completely out of any kind of snideness or attempted witticisms right now. What the fuck is wrong with this game?
Christ almighty.
Myra: Hey! That's human slavery!
MisterySalesMan: Ah, you
are Myra and Knil! I can
tell things for rupees.
And that's it. No more objections, no explanations, no more justification. Just "I sell little girls for sex." "That's slavery!" "Yep. I can also give you hints for money." "We'll be on our way then."
I...
Ugh. Just...
Ugh.
This game makes my tired ache.