RE: Let's Play: A Terrible Experience
06-15-2013, 05:37 PM
Disclaimer: All errors in text have been faithfully transcribed from the source. Management claims no responsibility for typos, doubled words, or mistakes of any kind; we simply don't have a sufficient supply of [sic]s to flag them all.
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Spoiler![[Image: boab27_zps16c4c750.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab27_zps16c4c750.png)
I make a mental note to come back when I've got some gardening equipment, that flashing rupee having mocked me for the last eight years since I dropped it out the window into the clutches of Impassable Flowers.
Gotta get dolla dolla.
What I originally mistook as some sort of gate to the south is a couple of DarkNuts standing side by side. Let's see what they have to say for themselves!
![[Image: boab28_zps11c00d7c.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab28_zps11c00d7c.png)
Just a warning, us
DarkNuts have clear
orders against
suspicious persons.
Not like we had evil
habits, though…
Good to know. I'll avoid all treasure and suspicion, and take your unprompted denial of evility at face value.
To the north! Because the scourge of shrubbery prevents us going elsewhere!
![[Image: boab29_zps5fe4782c.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab29_zps5fe4782c.png)
Ah, this is more like it. A bunch of NPCs to talk to and transcribe. Let's get to it.
![[Image: boab30_zpsfacdeae2.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab30_zpsfacdeae2.png)
Do you love books, too?
My favourite is the
Book of Mudora…
McGuffinlogue updated again! The Book of Mudora was a collection of lore and a translation guide for Ancient Hylian in LttP, so, you know... A ripping good read. Nice choice, Bano.
Knil: Hey, that book is
in the closed section!
How did you get in?!
Bano: Uhm… Forget what
I said! You will get a
discount in my shop
if you do! Come at the
'RIGHT' time, OK?
How would video games work if everyone in them didn't have ridiculously loose lips? Probably we'd have to actually figure things out and discover things on our own, which recent RPGs have proven gamers have zero interest in.
Sadly, neither the dog nor the hand-rubbing ethnic caricature have anything to say at all. This is actually kind of difficult to discover, because this game requires you to walk into an NPC from a specific direction to trigger their dialogue. Pretty good design.
![[Image: boab31_zpsf8ed1206.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab31_zpsf8ed1206.png)
Our goal is to the west, so naturally my finely-honed gaming instincts lead me east first. Nothin' here but a locked-up shop and a fountain.
And a phalanx of impassibushes, of course. This game is really dead-set on me not going anywhere until I get that sword.
![[Image: boab32_zpsd17c75b8.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab32_zpsd17c75b8.png)
To the north, there's a house owned by someone inconsiderate enough to lock their door at night and not let weird strangers in, but gracious enough to leave their valuables in an open chest outside. Yoink!
![[Image: boab33_zps59a29db9.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab33_zps59a29db9.png)
Ah, a whole cadre of caricatures! Let's see if they're all as stoic as the first one.
![[Image: boab34_zps16b66348.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab34_zps16b66348.png)
Covering gaps, fixing
bridges, reapiring
fences… If you see
anything that wasn't
there previously, know
that it was our work!
Okay, they're carpenters. Sure. Maybe not the sprite I would have chosen for this purpose, or at all, but I don't see anything problematic with making the Chinese dudes building things in harsh conditions.
Nice of them to preemptively justify the appearance of insurmountable-obstacle-passing construction as the game goes on. If my exploration is going to be arbitrarily rationed based on story progress, at least it's pretty unashamed about it.
Knil: Amazing!
I always wanted to be a
carpenter!
Knil has always thought of himself as a messianic figure.
![[Image: boab35_zpsb70220b6.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab35_zpsb70220b6.png)
Having exhausted the wrong ways already, it's time to actually proceed. Backtracking ho. More DarkNuts block the way, plus some sort of purple-helmeted dude. What's up, guy?
![[Image: boab36_zps5b9eb146.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab36_zps5b9eb146.png)
It's okay, dude, they told me they're not evil. Chillax!
ancestors were enemies
of the ancient Hero…
I also seen them while
doing evil things, like
torturing animals,
stealing from children
and trashing flowers.
The king really wants to
block certain roads…
Wait, was I lied to? If you can't trust a hulking doorway demon in plate mail hired to keep the unarmed populace in check, who can you trust? Just what kind of police state is this?
Myra: Why are they
here? Scary ones…
Guard: The king says
that they powerful
enough to prevent any
to leave Hyrule. He also
states that they need
to block some areas for
security reasons at
night and in certain
seasons. The Royal
Family acts very strange
nowadays… They are
locked up in the castle.
Nobody have seen
Princess Zelda since
she was born…
Knil&Myra: Odd!
The kind where nobody's allowed in or out, and nobody sees the royal family, apparently. Worked out pretty well for feudal Japan, I guess. Thanks for the summary, purple guy.
These DarkNuts are more stoic, presumably since it's hard to deny evil habits after watching someone talk about your textbook villainy in front of you. Oh well, at least there were a few rupees in the open house. Onward and upward.
![[Image: boab37_zpsf0c56ac1.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab37_zpsf0c56ac1.png)
Ooh, a FANCY DarkNut! What manner of exposition have you and your unique sprite?
![[Image: boab38_zps0a2b1c9b.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab38_zps0a2b1c9b.png)
smelling flowers and
watching the sun while
while it moves around
Well that doesn't sound too evil. Maybe Purple Guy is just one of those lying dope fiends you hear about on the teevee.
and around… But don't
get me wrong, I could
kill you any time if
you planned to leave
Hyrule. Just as I did
with some people who
got close.
Orrrr, you know, not.
Knil: How they got close?
DarkNut: They managed to
gather the three… Oh!
I almost talked too much
Hey! You are trampling all over the time-honored tradition of just spilling information for no good reason! Yep, definitely evil.
Myra: Why is your armour
looks different? Much
prettier than the rest.
DarkNut: I am on a
higher rank. But this
armour is not only for
for showing off rank.
This lightweighed gear
makes me run extra fast
and I can shoot a beam
with my sword.
Knil&Myra: Bye!!!
So who's got their money on miniboss?
![[Image: boab39_zpsecff64be.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab39_zpsecff64be.png)
We've looped back around now, but neither of the other carpetures have anything to say.
![[Image: boab40_zpsd0c4aef0.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab40_zpsd0c4aef0.png)
Another fancy knight-guy, this one with no helpful expository dialogue. More salient are all the shrubs getting between me and that be-boppin' mushroom up in the corner. I desire it.
Guess I gotta go in.
![[Image: boab41_zpsfad8c936.png]](https://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff258/CeramicOrange/BoaB%20LP/boab41_zpsfad8c936.png)
MS: Hi Knil! Who knew
that after me really
being ye' dad for,
years ye' will be
my lil' daughters
husband soon, will ye'?
It's not incest, it only seems like it.
Knil: I will for sure!
Myra: Yes! By the way,
Dad, please give Knil
the sword you smithed!
BigDad: This is the
best sword ye' can use.
Come back when ye' feel
much stronger.
At least I know where to start when it comes time for the endless series of equipment upgrade subquests later on.
As for now, try to stab
the south door open.
What?
Ye' know, the swords are
not only for slashing
bushes, torturing cuccos,
teasing goriyas or
What?!
or cuttin' down the
skirts o' pretty girls.
WHAT
This
This dude just told his adopted-son-figure
In front of his actual daughter
Who are getting married
That one of the most obvious uses for this sword is cutting women out of their clothes
What in the actual fuck, game?
Alright, sanctioned sword purposes, according to BoaB: warfare, locksmithery, torture, gardening, rape.
Noted!
Good luck for both of
you, but stay in Hyrule just yet…
Knil: Thank you, I will
be stronger soon!
Myra: All right, Knil!
Stab that door open!
I am so excited! Whole
Hyrule is ours!
Bye, Dad!
Alright, let's just shake off what is doubtless some one-time off-color joke written by someone with no social skills. Let's get excited about adventure instead! Starting now, whole Hyrule is ours!
Next up: We take it all with our manly fightin'-power. After we finish exploring the boring village, of course.
I make a mental note to come back when I've got some gardening equipment, that flashing rupee having mocked me for the last eight years since I dropped it out the window into the clutches of Impassable Flowers.
Gotta get dolla dolla.
What I originally mistook as some sort of gate to the south is a couple of DarkNuts standing side by side. Let's see what they have to say for themselves!
Just a warning, us
DarkNuts have clear
orders against
suspicious persons.
Not like we had evil
habits, though…
Good to know. I'll avoid all treasure and suspicion, and take your unprompted denial of evility at face value.
To the north! Because the scourge of shrubbery prevents us going elsewhere!
Ah, this is more like it. A bunch of NPCs to talk to and transcribe. Let's get to it.
Do you love books, too?
My favourite is the
Book of Mudora…
McGuffinlogue updated again! The Book of Mudora was a collection of lore and a translation guide for Ancient Hylian in LttP, so, you know... A ripping good read. Nice choice, Bano.
Knil: Hey, that book is
in the closed section!
How did you get in?!
Bano: Uhm… Forget what
I said! You will get a
discount in my shop
if you do! Come at the
'RIGHT' time, OK?
How would video games work if everyone in them didn't have ridiculously loose lips? Probably we'd have to actually figure things out and discover things on our own, which recent RPGs have proven gamers have zero interest in.
Sadly, neither the dog nor the hand-rubbing ethnic caricature have anything to say at all. This is actually kind of difficult to discover, because this game requires you to walk into an NPC from a specific direction to trigger their dialogue. Pretty good design.
Our goal is to the west, so naturally my finely-honed gaming instincts lead me east first. Nothin' here but a locked-up shop and a fountain.
And a phalanx of impassibushes, of course. This game is really dead-set on me not going anywhere until I get that sword.
To the north, there's a house owned by someone inconsiderate enough to lock their door at night and not let weird strangers in, but gracious enough to leave their valuables in an open chest outside. Yoink!
Ah, a whole cadre of caricatures! Let's see if they're all as stoic as the first one.
Covering gaps, fixing
bridges, reapiring
fences… If you see
anything that wasn't
there previously, know
that it was our work!
Okay, they're carpenters. Sure. Maybe not the sprite I would have chosen for this purpose, or at all, but I don't see anything problematic with making the Chinese dudes building things in harsh conditions.
Nice of them to preemptively justify the appearance of insurmountable-obstacle-passing construction as the game goes on. If my exploration is going to be arbitrarily rationed based on story progress, at least it's pretty unashamed about it.
Knil: Amazing!
I always wanted to be a
carpenter!
Knil has always thought of himself as a messianic figure.
Having exhausted the wrong ways already, it's time to actually proceed. Backtracking ho. More DarkNuts block the way, plus some sort of purple-helmeted dude. What's up, guy?
It's okay, dude, they told me they're not evil. Chillax!
ancestors were enemies
of the ancient Hero…
I also seen them while
doing evil things, like
torturing animals,
stealing from children
and trashing flowers.
The king really wants to
block certain roads…
Wait, was I lied to? If you can't trust a hulking doorway demon in plate mail hired to keep the unarmed populace in check, who can you trust? Just what kind of police state is this?
Myra: Why are they
here? Scary ones…
Guard: The king says
that they powerful
enough to prevent any
to leave Hyrule. He also
states that they need
to block some areas for
security reasons at
night and in certain
seasons. The Royal
Family acts very strange
nowadays… They are
locked up in the castle.
Nobody have seen
Princess Zelda since
she was born…
Knil&Myra: Odd!
The kind where nobody's allowed in or out, and nobody sees the royal family, apparently. Worked out pretty well for feudal Japan, I guess. Thanks for the summary, purple guy.
These DarkNuts are more stoic, presumably since it's hard to deny evil habits after watching someone talk about your textbook villainy in front of you. Oh well, at least there were a few rupees in the open house. Onward and upward.
Ooh, a FANCY DarkNut! What manner of exposition have you and your unique sprite?
smelling flowers and
watching the sun while
while it moves around
Well that doesn't sound too evil. Maybe Purple Guy is just one of those lying dope fiends you hear about on the teevee.
and around… But don't
get me wrong, I could
kill you any time if
you planned to leave
Hyrule. Just as I did
with some people who
got close.
Orrrr, you know, not.
Knil: How they got close?
DarkNut: They managed to
gather the three… Oh!
I almost talked too much
Hey! You are trampling all over the time-honored tradition of just spilling information for no good reason! Yep, definitely evil.
Myra: Why is your armour
looks different? Much
prettier than the rest.
DarkNut: I am on a
higher rank. But this
armour is not only for
for showing off rank.
This lightweighed gear
makes me run extra fast
and I can shoot a beam
with my sword.
Knil&Myra: Bye!!!
So who's got their money on miniboss?
We've looped back around now, but neither of the other carpetures have anything to say.
Another fancy knight-guy, this one with no helpful expository dialogue. More salient are all the shrubs getting between me and that be-boppin' mushroom up in the corner. I desire it.
Guess I gotta go in.
MS: Hi Knil! Who knew
that after me really
being ye' dad for,
years ye' will be
my lil' daughters
husband soon, will ye'?
It's not incest, it only seems like it.
Knil: I will for sure!
Myra: Yes! By the way,
Dad, please give Knil
the sword you smithed!
BigDad: This is the
best sword ye' can use.
Come back when ye' feel
much stronger.
At least I know where to start when it comes time for the endless series of equipment upgrade subquests later on.
As for now, try to stab
the south door open.
What?
Ye' know, the swords are
not only for slashing
bushes, torturing cuccos,
teasing goriyas or
What?!
or cuttin' down the
skirts o' pretty girls.
WHAT
This
This dude just told his adopted-son-figure
In front of his actual daughter
Who are getting married
That one of the most obvious uses for this sword is cutting women out of their clothes
What in the actual fuck, game?
Alright, sanctioned sword purposes, according to BoaB: warfare, locksmithery, torture, gardening, rape.
Noted!
Good luck for both of
you, but stay in Hyrule just yet…
Knil: Thank you, I will
be stronger soon!
Myra: All right, Knil!
Stab that door open!
I am so excited! Whole
Hyrule is ours!
Bye, Dad!
Alright, let's just shake off what is doubtless some one-time off-color joke written by someone with no social skills. Let's get excited about adventure instead! Starting now, whole Hyrule is ours!
Next up: We take it all with our manly fightin'-power. After we finish exploring the boring village, of course.