The Battle Royale S2 [Round 4: Burnination Studios]

Originally posted on MSPA by Schazer.

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"SPIDERS." shouted a cosmic entity as it giggled. An enormous black being spun around a huge oblong shape in the center of nowhere in particular. The oblong shape was glowing and pink and resembled a massive pomegranate flavored strobe light powered by a god. The being was like a junkyard coated in thick black sludge with a torso rising from its bottom-pieces of sickly metal and decayed vehicles smashed into a bizarrely long and simplified human midsection. The towering being flicked arms in and out of itself rapidly, at least 18 limbs of black organic steel spiraling and gyrating as the being lowered itself down to the bottom of the pink oblong. It rapidly generated a lavender panel beneath itself and an oval head emerged from a noodle-like neck, apparently kept within the things' confines. It began coloring the lavender panel in with intricate fractal patterns with a few spare limbs, using its four primary ones to manipulate a pane of energy before it.

"Not a lot of games afoot today." It commented in a voice that seemed sultry and smooth before cracking into a dissonant, high pitched squall.

"BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE. LOOK AT THEM PLAYING."

It emerged five different sized, solid, multi colored eyes from its head's front and examined the pane more clearly. Each eye began extending as if on a stalk, getting a closer look while it's spare monstrous limbs in the back began playing some variant of rock paper scissors apparently involving the destruction of galaxies. The being shuddered and observed something it had been for awhile reaching a fever point.

"These cosmic gentlefolk seem intent on continuing their cacaphonic orchestra like it meant something. My don't they feel special being able to toSS THE SMALL INTO THE FRYING PAN AND STIR STIR STIR." It smashed the panel below it into a thousand pieces and went about tossing them into the pink light idly as it swung down to the bottom (or top, I suppose) of the oblong.

"THEY'RE SO BIG AND SPECIAL HUH MYSELF. With their boring reptition and their insistence on the grand nature of it all. Let's be honest with ourselves, cock fighters aren't good men but they don't PRETEND THEY'RE BAKING UP GOODNESS. NOT JUST BECAUSE THEY AREN'T BAKERS. THEY'RE HONEST. THEY'RE ALSO WONDERFUL TO EAT."

The Eccentric was becoming rather agitated at this point.

"I could put together something with a touch more class than any of them have so far. AND BY CLASS I MEAN LIKE AN ACADEMY. AND NONE OF YOU GET BACHELORS." The being shuddered and convulsed as it rose an enormous transparent purple stage out of the nothing below, in a semicircled arc spreading out from the oblong's bottom, curving around it safely. "And if the others don't approve of my doings." It chuckled. "They can come complain to me." Another nine panels of energy rose up from the essence of all, and it reached nine appendages into them, seemingly sending them across the multiverse.

"Let's see what kind of combatants we can find for this mosttt DELICIOUS engagement!" The Eccentric screamed into the nothingness and plotted its fun....

Ok, so this battle was originally titled The Delicious Engagement when Archduke_Ferdinand started it, but I was asked to take over when he had to leave the forums.
For posterity, I'm keeping Arch's original ruleset under here; my own are far more Grand-Battle standard. Check 'em further down.

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Spoiler--------------------------------
Yeah! Another of these! Only this one is being run by an insane god!

So you should all know the basic rules for this (and if you don't, just refresh yourself over the main Grand Battle Season 2 thread), so more importantly we're going to go over the differences in this game from others.

1. The Eccentric himself is pretty much off his gourd or at least halfway there. So he may not make sense all the time and his battle scenarios may be more off the wall than simply 'go kill one another in a new venue'. If you ever find yourselves engaged in fisticuffs with a giant duck don't act like I didn't warn you.

2. 9 contestants. Not 8. Know why? Because in addition to the worst writer getting the axe at the end of each round, one of you might just die over the course of normal roleplay or other events. In fact, one of you /will/, almost certainly. I don't like the idea that a coconut written by Orson Scott Card could win this thing. Let's be honest. A character who isn't quick enough or good enough to evade death, regardless of how polished their writing is, is probably going to die. And they will. So have fun with that.

3. The Eccentric may toss in enemies that aren't you into a battle just to make your lives more interesting. Or he may toss in allies. Or cake.

Things will be tossed.

The main thing to keep in mind with the Eccentric is that he likes a lot more personal interaction and control over the event than his fellow Grandmasters.

4. Just cause he's a crazy grandmaster doesn't mean you're obligated to make the most LOLRANDOM character you can. In fact, please don't. Remember- if anything, serious characters in weird situations is funnier than weird ones in the same. Feel free to be a little off the wall though.

5. YES.

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ENTRY FORM:

Don't put your Username. I can see it. It's right there. It's cool.

Character Name:
Gender:
Race:
Tekhst Culla: No using one another's or The Eccentric's. Or beige.

People using beige are disqualified. Not from the battle but from having souls.

Cool Shit You Can Do:
Cool Weapons You Have:
Description:
Biography:
Yes?:
Favorite Food:
Fears:
What Were You Doing When A Big Horrifying Arm Grabbed You Out Of Space:

Okay we're good. I'mma hold this one's entries open for a day or so (24 hours) and the best folks who submit in that time, in my view, get in.

So Schazer's house rules:
-Pretty much the same rules as usual - you guys write about killing each other or trying to escape or whatever it is your characters feel like doing, until I choose a writer whose character is killed out of the story to conclude the round. Then I pick you up, bat away a few marauding tentacles, and deposit you down in your next round, where we do the whole thing again. Simple, no?
-Some of you have pretty powerful abilities, so it's up to you to set your own realistic in-game constraints on those to make for an interesting story. Godmoding's boring and is certain to get you soundly trounced come round's end.

Elimination is based on good writing, and good writing is shown with a careful eye for errors, attention to continuity and avoiding plot holes, and characterising your own and other players' characters well while making an interesting story. If you're wanting a critique of your writing, I can certainly offer my limp-wristed attempt at it (dependent on how many exams I've got in the following week, but I'd definitely try and give advice), but I won't go picking your stuff apart unless you ask me to.

In the interest of creating an engaging story, I strongly encourage all participants to meet up on IRC or scheme through PM to make for something entertaining and crazy. Quite a few regulars hang out in both #MSPAFA and #Grandbattle, on Esper IRC.

Also, in order to involve unsightly ninja-ing and much rewriting of posts, the Reserve system will be in effect. Reserves will be honoured for 2 and a half hours, but there's no need to get pernickety about this rule either. Just be sensible. Cool?

Have fun!


Contestants
Steinwaffe - MrGuy - #408040
Timothy Swhales - Nodge - #0040BF
Jeremy Brackett - slipsicle - #838B8B
Sereno Dementis - Fakeimposter - #008000
Geoff Wilson - Pinary - #604000
Photographer - Malkytop - #525C65
Wardell 'Ward' Paraswon - Godbot, nee Thurandl - #800000
Sirius - Dragon Fogel - #400040