Zoologic (TWS)
12-01-2011, 09:12 AM
"Well, Mr. Megapresident, you must realise how lucky we are to be hosting such an advanced race on Earth. Looking at earlier forecasts - where initial contact with extra-terrestrials were going to lead to wide-scale planetary destruction - the public will consider our guests demands quite reasonable."
The Megapresident waited for the pause to stretch out into a conversational lull, stopped doodling on his monogrammed notepad, and sat up like he was paying attention.
"They're just so weird," he complained. That was ok; he was complaining with conviction. "One week they want dancers from every country, next they want water from the world's oceans! I didn't do that kind of thing when I went on that Megapresidential visit to Mars."
"They're weird," he complained again, still with conviction.
"Yes, well. The fact the world simply hasn't ended, despite Tsitsk mothership perched on the Niagra Cliffs, is a huge contributor to your healthy approval ratings. Provided it keeps not ending, and the Hyperstate's diplomatic relations with the Tsitsk go smoothly, you're primed for re-election next fall."
"Re-election? I thought Gigaglom Industries had a... uh..."
"Vested interest," interjected his secretary, helpfully.
"That one. They had a vested interest in megapresidencies and their megare-elections."
"They don't like the world ending, either. Nobody left to buy anything."
The Megapresident quivered a bit in his seat. "So... I let these Tiktiks-"
"-Tsitsk."
"-those guys. If I let the aliens take some animals for their weird alien science, I get re-elected?"
The secretary smiled.
"I'm paid to do what's best for the country, Megapresident. Have that list back on my desk in the morning, and I'll send your recommendations to the ambassador."
---
You are now the Megapresident of Earth, 2045. You have masterfully steered humanity through these troubling, ever-modern times, and are now dealing with aliens on your doorstep.
These particular aliens have asked to take breeding herds of as many species of animal as your government recommends, as part of what they have cited as "proto-society field trials." You have no clue what this means, but experts in the Department of Science have predicted a "90% chance of this probably being a good thing, rather than, y'know, a thing that ends up not doing much or a really bad thing."
As part of this deal, they have agreed to treat the Earth-animals "at least or better than third-caste Tsitsk." Your Department of Science experts are still busy trying to figure out just how well that bodes, but on the other hand, re-election would be pretty fucking sweet.
What animals will you recommend to the Tsitsk scientists?
The Megapresident waited for the pause to stretch out into a conversational lull, stopped doodling on his monogrammed notepad, and sat up like he was paying attention.
"They're just so weird," he complained. That was ok; he was complaining with conviction. "One week they want dancers from every country, next they want water from the world's oceans! I didn't do that kind of thing when I went on that Megapresidential visit to Mars."
"They're weird," he complained again, still with conviction.
"Yes, well. The fact the world simply hasn't ended, despite Tsitsk mothership perched on the Niagra Cliffs, is a huge contributor to your healthy approval ratings. Provided it keeps not ending, and the Hyperstate's diplomatic relations with the Tsitsk go smoothly, you're primed for re-election next fall."
"Re-election? I thought Gigaglom Industries had a... uh..."
"Vested interest," interjected his secretary, helpfully.
"That one. They had a vested interest in megapresidencies and their megare-elections."
"They don't like the world ending, either. Nobody left to buy anything."
The Megapresident quivered a bit in his seat. "So... I let these Tiktiks-"
"-Tsitsk."
"-those guys. If I let the aliens take some animals for their weird alien science, I get re-elected?"
The secretary smiled.
"I'm paid to do what's best for the country, Megapresident. Have that list back on my desk in the morning, and I'll send your recommendations to the ambassador."
---
You are now the Megapresident of Earth, 2045. You have masterfully steered humanity through these troubling, ever-modern times, and are now dealing with aliens on your doorstep.
These particular aliens have asked to take breeding herds of as many species of animal as your government recommends, as part of what they have cited as "proto-society field trials." You have no clue what this means, but experts in the Department of Science have predicted a "90% chance of this probably being a good thing, rather than, y'know, a thing that ends up not doing much or a really bad thing."
As part of this deal, they have agreed to treat the Earth-animals "at least or better than third-caste Tsitsk." Your Department of Science experts are still busy trying to figure out just how well that bodes, but on the other hand, re-election would be pretty fucking sweet.
What animals will you recommend to the Tsitsk scientists?
peace to the unsung peace to the martyrs | i'm johnny rotten appleseed
clouds is shaky love | broke as hell but i got a bunch of ringtones
eyes blood red bruise aubergine | Sue took something now Sue doesn't sleep | saint average, day in the life of
woke up in the noon smelling doom and death | out the house, great outdoors
staying warm in arctic blizzard | that's my battle 'til I get inanimate | still up in the same clothes living like a gameshow
clouds is shaky love | broke as hell but i got a bunch of ringtones
eyes blood red bruise aubergine | Sue took something now Sue doesn't sleep | saint average, day in the life of
woke up in the noon smelling doom and death | out the house, great outdoors
staying warm in arctic blizzard | that's my battle 'til I get inanimate | still up in the same clothes living like a gameshow