Oh God Why: Day Three: IT'S LOOOOOOSE (18/30)

Spiders cannot be defeated, except by other spiders. Spiders will not accept foreign currency in exchange for spider-assassinating services, as money spiders (see below) are the only acceptable form of currency.


money spiders are the common term for members of the spider family Linyphiidae, from the superstition that one landing on you would spin you new clothes and associated tasty currencies.



Luckily, the vast majority of spiders would rather get on with their daily spider lives, and give useful reminders that getting on with your daily non-spider life is optimal for happiness!


Some spiders participate in advocacy work, reminding people that spiders only kill to eat, kill in self-defence, kill for sport, kill for justice, kill for mistaken reasons that are later justified as justice, and kill to remove petty annoyances from their daily lives. They do not do this all the time, nor can you make the excuse that they are not killing when they are sleeping.


Spiders never sleep.


Never.


Your best strategy against the spider menace is to realise the "spider menace" is a mental fabrication which only seeks to extend the conflict.


Spiders are, for the most part, paragons of good citizenship, notably being excellent parents for creatures without an endoskeleton. They will give all their children piggybacks simultaneously so none of them can claim favouritism.


Some spiders will make entire shelters for the offspring, using what a human could only attempt to approximate the physical properties of with semen and body hair (and doing a far less gross job of it).


The more sociable species of spider will cooperatively build arboreal colonies in this fashion, which unlike human habitations will do a decent job at repelling unwanted cohabitants. They're also carbon-neutral!


Although no spider has an exclusively aquatic lifestyle, Dolomedes spiders (no relation to you, Palamedes) can walk on water through the power of surface tension. They are also accomplished figure skaters when the situation calls for it.

Seriously though do not fuck with these guys and they will not fuck with you. Probably.*

*Being fucked with void where applicable. Applicable where I hear you talking shit about spiders. [/size]