Oh God Why: Day Three: IT'S LOOOOOOSE (18/30)

EVENT

THE NEUTERBOTS HAVE ARRIVED. ARE YOU PREPARED?

I already gave my murderdog to slorange

The Neuterbots cannot find Yellow at his coordinates. Yellow is spared.

I inform the Neuterbots that my murderdog clearly does not exist, because seriously, who's ever heard of Ube as a color?

The Neuterbots obviously notice Ube, but shut down after trying to imagine a new color.

I make my defenses out of meat. You can't ruin my defenses becuz they are delicious.

Oh yeah I then turn my dog into a transgenic organism by inserting a gene from a robot (because why can't robots have beautiful robot babies) in my dog.


Just to clarify, my DOG IS NOW A GENETICALLY MODIFIED ORGANISM AND HAS "BALLS OF STEEL". IF THERE WAS A DOG-VERSION OF CHUCKNORRIS, THIS WOULD BE IT.

Quartz quickly consumes his own delicious fortifications. The Neuterbots approach and attempt to snip the Murderdog. Failure! However gene splicing has its downsides...

QUARTZ HAS BEEN HALF-NEUTERED

As a responsible pet owner I will do nothing.

The Neuterbots snip Teal quickly and with minimal difficulty. They tip their hats and go on their way.

TEAL HAS BEEN NEUTERED

I've got DWYANE "THE ROCK" JOHNSON and Van "Vas Deferens" Diesel

Dwyane is equipped with a rock and Van with a van.

The Neuterbots realize they are capable of fear as the manliest duo in existence DESTROY THE NEUTERBOT ARMY WITH THEIR BARE FISTS. Tragedy strikes though as one Neuterbot gets a lucky snip out during the fight.

DWAYNE "THE ROCK" JOHNSON HAS BEEN NEUTERED

It is a sad day for penises everywhere.

My defense is as follows:

• Neuter is the term used to remove male genitalia.
  
• My dog is female, and as such cannot be "neutered."
  
• Also, just to be sure, I've installed a large solid steel cup around my dog's genitalia.
  
• And my dog is a lapdog. I literally cannot get up right now.
  

The Neuterbots approach Q's lap, snipping in anticipation. A few cuts against the tough metal in the hard to reach region and the Neuterbots claim their prize, just not the one they came for...

LEGENDARYQ HAS BEEN NEUTERED

I'll just store away a suitable amount of genetic material in a freezer/bunker

The Neuterbots quickly neuter Goldenrod and leave without suspicion.

GOLDENROD HAS BEEN NEUTERED. GOLDENROD IS STILL IN THE GENE POOL

D: NOT MAH PUPPER. I'mma barricade this baby in the finest of high-security locations. Also, I think covering up the important bits is required.

You quickly search for anyplace to hide Honeydew. Unfortunately the best you can find is a pantry cupboard. Luckily for you the Neuterbots have no arms and can't actually reach him. Honeydew is spared.

Dirt has dug a hole and is hiding in it, totally camoflaged and inaccessible from marauding robots and everyone else.

Dirt's hole sucessfully conceals the Murderdog until one of the Neuterbots accidentally steps on him. They snip furiously at Dirt but cannot reach his subterranean genitals. They leave in frustration, Dirt survives only slightly sheared.

My defense is your mother.

My mother is also a responsible dog owner. She lets the Neuterbots through unimpeded.

ORANGE HAS BEEN NEUTERED.

put the lime in the coconut

and shake it up

Lime is already is the process of copulating. The Neuterbots are kinda icked out by this and can't really find the Murderdong amidst all this dog love. They awkwardly back away.

Considering my dog is Emerald, and emerald ore is the rarest ore in Minecraft...

Yeah, good luck getting to my dog. I'll be waiting with a shotgun too, maybe a flamethrower.

In a bunker.

Surrounded by ice.

That is on fire.

The Neuterbots get their top tacticians on the case, plan their route and release the Neuterninjas. They dodge magnificently through the guns and fire before slipping and falling on the large puddles of recently melted ice. The Neuterninjas short circuit and explode. The remaining Neuterbots shrug and move on.

righty ho then I'm going to take the rubble from the wall we burst down to get in here (because it is indeed just lying around) and use it to construct a castle, fully crenellated, and Peridot will curl up in its keep. I shall stand guard myself, equipped with catapults and crossbows jury-rigged from lab apparatus (every weapon will have been thoroughly tested to ensure efficacy) and either very, very sharp projectiles (i.e. needles) or ones that are on fire. There will be a moat full of water and potentially hazardous chemicals that I've found, ahem, lying around, and if I can find any lasers in the lab then I am installing them on the keep's roof.

...you know what here have what I would call an "artist's impression" if I were actually an artist and not just a guy who occasionally abuses a pencil:



it has to be a bit on the small side because I imagine there's not that much salvageable rubble but what ho it's sort of more fun this way

come at me robots

pew pew

The Neuterbot Army assembles on the battlefield. They prepare their Neuterseige-Machines and march upon the dog fort. The literal sea of robots crashes against the walls and pushes the defenses to the limits. For a moment it looked like the walls would hold until the Colossal NeuterMecha appears over the horizon. It crashes through the parts of its fallen Neutercomrades and snips through the fort in a single strike.

The defenses are destroyed and all hope seems lost when a strange yellow light radiates from the inner sanctum. Peridot recognizes his true potential as a Murderdog and Murders the NeuterMecha in a blaze of yellowish eye-laser!

But what's this? The NeuterMecha is still standing! It appears all of Peridot's power wasn't enough! The poor Murderdog is too exhausted to continue fighting! The NeuterMecha approaches.

ONLY TO EXPLODE AS SAPPHIRE AND VAN "VAS DEFERENS" DIESEL PUNCH THROUGH IT FROM BEHIND!

SAPPHIRE AND PERIDOT HAVE DEFEATED THE NEUTERMECHA.
WHAT'S THIS? SAPPHIRE AND PERIDOT ARE EVOLVING! PRESS B TO CANCEL...

Yeah granola it's not happening. You can't have Maroon he/she/it is my murderdog and mine alone!

If you want a reason why it's because I say so and if you want to take it up with me at night BRING IT ON.

This feeble defense means nothing to the Neuterbots. Unfortunately they all seem to have exploded in a fiery blaze of manliness. So instead Granolaman suckerpunches Palamedes and kidnaps Maroon.

MAROON HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED AND TAKEN TO GRANOLA RANCHES

ADDITIONALLY, VERMILION, JASMINE, INDIGO, RED, NYZANA, ZOMP, KHAKI, CYAN, BYZANTINE, FUCHSIA, XANADU, WINE AND JASMINE HAVE BEEN DOGNAPPED AND ESCORTED TO GRANOLA RANCHES FOR MURDERDOG MURDERMEAT PROCESSING WHILE NO ONE WAS LOOKING.

You fools! No one can stop me from achieving my ImMurdertality! No one!