The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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Spoiler See pictures https://adleryoung.tumblr.com or https://www.patreon.com/posts/70997485

"I'll make lamb chops outta her," Burnside proposed when I didn't immediately say anything. "Uh, if that's what you want. Make up your mind quick. She's gettin' away."

>Adler: As tempting as that is, it's best if Burnside doesn't go after her. Lana would probably turn Burnside inside out and brag about it.
>Burnside: Whoa, really? She can do that? Wow, she sounds like your kind of unseelie-
>Adler: You give her a look.

"It's tempting," I admitted. "But no, better not. She said she would serve me, and she swore not to harm me. I gave her some orders and she might actually follow them. I'm not expecting much though."

"Pain's always a good motivator," Burnside pointed out.

"Lana Lynne would probably skin you alive and then come back here to laugh about it," I theorized. "I would prefer that she go away and stay there."

"Really? Fancy fluffy gal like that is a cold-blooded killer?"

"She's ruthless," I stated. "Pure Unseelie."

"Gosh," Burnside exclaimed. "Reckon maybe I oughta go after her so we can compare notes an' swap stories. She sounds like my kinda -"

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"Uh, never mind," Burnside added as I gave her a warning look. "You wanna let her get away, you're the boss."

"Where did you get that blade?" I asked.

"Took it offa some rabbits. Purty nice, ain't it? They got a good blacksmith in their village."

"You've been to the rabbit village?" I asked with some surprise.

"Nope. Just guessin' from the quality o' this here machete, they must have a smith who knows his stuff."

>Adler: "Oh, let me guess." With how your life seems to work, the most likely scenario is you've been gone for hundreds and hundreds of years and the world as become a post-apocalyptic wasteland overrun by mutant peach-spiders and hordes of bandit tribes, and it's all your fault somehow because you are incapable of bringing any good to the world and your task will now be a thousand times more difficult.

"All right," I sighed. "I'm ready to hear it. How long was I gone? Let me guess. It's been centuries and the land is overrun with giant peach spiders and roaming robber bands. The rabbits have turned Bunkirk into a fort and are making weapons to defend themselves against a world that is falling apart, and all of this is somehow my fault because, well, it always is."

>Burnside: As awesome as all that would be, no. Adler could tell the entire world wasn't a wasteland if he looked to see the Tulgey Wood is all still here. As for what actually happened and is happening: Exposition!

"You sure can tell some wonderful stories," Burnside sighed. "Nice as all that sounds, unfortunately it ain't what happened. That sheep gal showed up, near as I can figure, twenty-five days ago."

"So it's only been a little over three weeks?" I asked excitedly.

"Yep."

"So Vernier has been bringing food baskets for just three weeks?"

"Yep, and she'll be by in three days time unless you want us to fetch her sooner. You see, what happened was -"

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"OH BURNSIDE!" I giggled, picking her up and spinning happily around the stone circle. "THIS IS WONDERFUL! GOOD WORK! GREAT JOB! YOU'RE THE BEST!"

"Gosh," she gasped. "All I done was -"

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"Win teh raccoon monster came back, I told her wat was goin on!!1!" Angela Weakflit exclaimed as she buzzed up amid a swarm of Ixies. "U C, I was crashed out in teh grass on teh side of teh dolmen & I saw wat happened."

"Good job, Angela!" I exclaimed.

"We are all proud of her for once," Typantronn declared. "It turneth out that she not only found the bell-ringing intruder, but provided the intel needed to handle the situation."

"Yep, that lil critter told me that there had been a awful fight, and a Floozy had drug you into the Gate," Burnside explained woozily. "Don't set me down yet; I reckon I'll keel over if you do. Anyways: Dangerous or not, I was fixin' to go in after you, but they pointed out I'd be lost in the time-slip too, an' our group'd be short two entire elves for however long. So I tried usin' elfmind to see if you was okay."

"You did?" I asked with some surprise.

"Don't worry darlin, I ain't good enough at it to read your thoughts. But I was able to sense that you was still alive in there. Meanwhile, Rebecca was in a awful state, so I told the Ixies to hold down the fort an' not let the crazy rabbit wander off an' get hurt, while I run back to fetch Miz Vernier."

"This is amazing," I gushed, giving Burnside a squeeze.

"You do that again, sweetie, an' I won't be finishin' this here story," she gasped. "We all agreed, considerin' as she's the one with the most sense, Vernier was de facto leader in your absence. She looked over the situation an' decided we'd continue the routine so as to make it look like we had no idea what had happened, so when that Floozy (a obvious enemy) come back out the gate, she'd be none the wiser an' go on thinkin' that she had put one over on us. We packed Rebecca on home, where Vernier's been nursin' her back to health. Me an' the Ixies've been sorta stakin' out the circle, watchin' for you to emerge, an' reportin' to Vernier every few days."

"WONDERFUL!" I exclaimed, squeezing Burnside again and kissing her.

She let out a long, shuddering sigh and went limp in my arms.

"Do I get 1??" Angela squeaked eagerly.