Lucidstuck II

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O.I: There is the question of how willing you'd be to die for your brother? What happens if Derrick does kill Alice at another time by some tragic result of his newfound.. assertiveness? What happens to you if there is no Alice when the construct falls? What even happens to you and Alice if she lives to see the end?
Daydream: ... If something happens to her I'll bring back the sentinel. That is the worst case. I might have to step in personally... Which I really don't want to have to do.
Daydream: Should we all survive, all the construct versions should cease to exist. They're not really there anyway.
O.I: If you have no interest in shadows, that's fine. We'll proceed with helping everyone else with them, including construct Alice. We'll even spare you details on what Dark Asylums are, or what we've been calling "The Construct."
Daydream: ... W-what?? Wait a minute, what are you talking about?
Daydream: What is a "Dark Asylum"?
O.I: If it's simply the things in the closet that you're afraid of derrick discovering, perhaps elaborating more on your... illness... would be a useful piece of truth to add to the lie. Also we are a bit confused on what exactly we're trying to lie about, and kind of need to know what we're trying to hide in order to hide it, especially if the evidence is in any way physical. Is moving whatever it is out of the closet a possibility? Derrick is getting curious in ways that are beyond our control. Can you guarantee that your word alone would prevent derrick from searching?
Daydream: Derrick trusts our bond. This is what he wants.
Daydream: He wants to believe me. So I'm going to end the doubt here. Alice's-- My... sickness... Is... Well...
Daydream: I don't really want to talk about it.
Daydream: But we'll say it allows me to hurt others rather effortlessly. Without dwelling on it, or losing sleep over it.
Daydream: Continuously...
Daydream: There isn't much in the way of "Empathy or remorse" when it comes to me. I want to get better but I'm not doing anything at the moment.
O.I: Some of us also want to play another game...
Daydream: Perhaps after we finish this sequence.
O.I: What genre of video games do you play? What style of music do you like? I wanna get to know you a little bit better! ^u^
Daydream: Oh! Well, for one, I do not play video games. I also don't care for specific music. I like ambience sounds though! Like rain, or a windy day.
O.I: Do you wanna have Bob paint you a painting akin to Bob Ross? For that matter, do you want Bob to dress up as Bob Ross? If not now, then possibly next time?
Daydream: I do not care for it. Also, I do not know who Bob Ross is.
O.I: It won't work, this isn't the Derrick you know talking to Alice. This is the sum of all his knowledge and from what we've glanced when he and Derrick spoke, he already knows everything, but it's keeping Derrick in the dark to protect him and this construct. Your interests align there.
One last attempt from me to try and get you to understand what the shadow is, and have you safely realise your own potential without dying. So... do you know how you can review your own memories like you review the construct, except inside your head, but sometimes when you try to follow your own thought process to figure out why you took a certain action, the conclusion you come to seems more like a lie you told yourself. Well, that is because you, and everyone's conscious mind is like a boat, floating in the middle of a vast sea. Sometimes calm, sometimes wrought by storms. The shadow is what lurks beneath the waves and actually pushes the boat from below while you try to steer from above. And when you're both pulling in opposite directions, as you can imagine, you're not really going anywhere. This, I think is why you've not had any success after so many iterations of the construct. You think the answer is more lies, but do you really want that, or are you just steering into the darkness because it's more familiar while the one below is trying to drag you into the light. If you think she is wrong, then it is her you need to convince, not  us. And don't give us the "I don't have time" excuse. Time here is an illusion and you're in control of it. When the time comes that the storms will rock your boat to where it capsizes, she can push you back to the surface before that malevolent force can plop itself down in your place. So for your own sake and the mission you've worked so hard for, you need to try to contact her. Just sit with yourself in silence and listen. She should make herself known to you.
Daydream: ... Again with this shadow nonsense?
Daydream: Who is "She"? There is no one else with me.
Daydream: Your analogy is intriguing though. All this time I felt I knew the path.
Daydream: Truly, I didn't understand anything but how I felt at the moment. Then you came along.
Daydream: I was rigid, yes. But you grew on me. I was able to open up and admit that I'm not strong, something I had never doubted.
Daydream: Then again, you reassured me. I was indeed strong, for letting you in.
Daydream: And now you've gotten me playing games with you, and even entertaining Emily.
Daydream: These things you mentioned... Shadows, Dark asylums... They're new. And new is scary.
Daydream: But... you were new too.
Daydream: ...... I will listen.
O.I: Do you know why you can't control Alice yourself? You're having to use us as a proxy to get her to do what you want. It seems weird, she's not a person from outside the construct like Lucia and Emily are, and you would think the person you'd have the most control over would be yourself.
Daydream: You are right. I do have control over myself. Alice is a double, a clone.
Daydream: She is a fully functional rational person in the likeness of me, or rather, me as I was back then.
Daydream: It might be hard to understand but Alice is a person. I cannot force my will onto her, only interfere with her memories and consciousness. I'm sorta... Concerned about what she will do at this point.
Daydream: I also cannot break the illusion for them as well. They can never know they are not real.
Daydream: Who knows how they will react. This means I cannot forcibly do certain things in person. So I do things in a roundabout way so I don't give and red flags.
O.I: If you're worried that Derrick will kill you for something you're justified in doing, if he finds out, and then go kill his friends who had nothing to do with it, why do you even like him? The person you're describing sounds kind of terrible
Daydream: Fuck you.
O.I: At the risk of sounding like a concerned mom, I hope you're doing okay. It's easy to imagine things being rough considering all this change.
Daydream: Thank you... For what it's worth I appreciate most of your thoughts.
O.I: We do add a lot of variables to your plans. But I suppose that is the nature of cooperation between equals.
Daydream: We are not equals. The power you possess is different from mine. We are both powerful but in different ways.
O.I: I personally understand not liking it. I've never been good at working with teams.
Daydream: ......
O.I: I tend to always feel like I know best. And I have trouble when other people tell me I don't. Or when people tell me they think they know me better than myself.
Daydream: .......
O.I: It feels as if this is your experience, too. Though, maybe I'm wrong.
Daydream: .... Y-yeah...
O.I: Still, it often pays to listen.
Daydream: I've come to realize that now.
O.I: Some of us do worry about you, from the place of 'do you need a hug?' Maybe Bob will do so for me?
Daydream: This little guy gives me plenty of hugs while you're not around he turned into a big baby while you were away, haha.
O.I: But from that same place, it feels like you don't see yourself as someone who people could like, if they knew you. And it feels sometimes that you don't really like you either. So you settle for being useful.
Daydream: .......
O.I: Which seems sad. You're clever. You can be witty. You're ambitious when it comes to the things you care about. You trust yourself. You're creative. You know your priorities.
Daydream: I'm disgusted with myself. There are two sides inside of me. Both want the other half to die.
O.I: This doesn't mean that you aren't without flaws. You're brittle and hate when things change on you. You're ruthless if something gets in your way. You have a serious temper. And you ignore anything that hurts you or bugs you inside.
Daydream: ......Heh.
O.I: Especially that last one.
Daydream: Seems an Alien has been paying close attention to me.
O.I: This seems to manifest itself in places like Raziel, where you won't even be willing to let that aspect--whatever he represents--talk to you because that'd mean facing something within yourself you're not comfortable with. Or in your noting you don't have time to entertain the possibility of your Shadow.
Daydream: ..... Like I said, new is scary. I've never heard of a "shadow" in the way you're referring to it.
Daydream: Raziel... I don't know what his story is.
O.I: But it's fine to be all those things. It's fine to not be comfortable with yourself. Just like admitting you're depressed is the first step to managing depression, admitting you aren't comfortable with yourself is the first step to being comfortable with yourself.
Daydream: I know who I am. I just don't like it very much.
Daydream: I want to change, but I'm not doing anything to change.
Daydream: I felt lonely, and I did bad things. Without a single care.
Daydream: I wish I could be normal.
O.I: But it's that self-discomfort that it seems your reaction in regards to Derrick stems.
Daydream: You just don't understand.
O.I: It's why I'd prefer Alice not try to lie to Derrick, just admit she doesn't want to talk about it. Again, we have our right to secrets. Even among our closest friends.
Daydream: No. No. No.
Daydream: It will not end well. I'm not going to budge on this.
Daydream: Derrick asked me-- Alice for an answer.
Daydream: He's not going to ask again. I-- SHE must comply.
Daydream: .... Trust me, please.
O.I: But, there also isn't really any reason to believe you, in regards to the consequences playing out as you say. Derrick does seem to have the potential to kill Alice and even you, true. But will he use it when he finds out? It's hard to say.
Daydream: It is not hard to say.
Daydream: Derrick is... Nevermind.
Daydream: I am genuinely afraid of him right now. I'm not assuming anything.
O.I: What matters, I think, is that you believe that there's something about you--something you did or something about yourself--that you absolutely can't show to him (or to us or anyone that could ever interact with your brother) because you believe he'll go ballistic.
Daydream: This is exactly right.
O.I: That makes me sad because it devalues yourself.
Daydream: How???-- It doesn't even matter.
O.I: As a preface, I'd like to reiterate that I feel, personally, that as this is your secret, it's your place to decide when or when not to reveal it. These are my personal principals. I don't think you should lie about the situation, but it's your place to choice when you--or Alice by proxy--should open up.
Daydream: Thank you, I'm going to lie anyway though.
O.I: So, let's assume Derrick going absolutely ballistic is the worst case. And let's assume that Derrick taking it in stride and being happy that his sister told him the truth was the best case.
Daydream: .....
O.I: In most situations, reality falls between the two. It seems as if the outcome would be similar to him getting upset in the dining room and not talking to Alice for awhile while he cools off. A bad outcome, but not the absolute worst.
Daydream: Okay...
O.I: We could even move this further and say that he yells at Alice and doesn't want to forgive her for some time. Weeks, or months maybe.
Daydream: Hehehe.... Oh man.
O.I: Maybe I'm wrong, but that just seems more probable. Granted, they aren't FUN or GOOD outcomes. But they seem more plausible given that we don't know what the nature of the truth is.
Daydream: Exactly! Thank you!!
Daydream: You don't know WHAT I'm hiding. And it's so serious, I CANNOT tell YOU. A faceless, bodiless entity from space.
Daydream: For fear that it will get back to Derrick.
Daydream: That's how sure I am that this will end badly.
O.I: What we do know is Derrick cares about you. There is a lot it seems he'd be willing to forgive for the person closest to him.
Daydream: HAHAHAHA!!!!
Daydream: Oh man... You don't know Derrick like I do.
Daydream: As fucked up as I am, I do not want him to know what this secret is.
O.I: But even then, your worth is greater than how your brother sees you.
Daydream: It is not. I refuse to live without him.
Daydream: We are intertwined. Twins. I cannot walk through this life without my other half by my side.
Daydream: I'd rather stay here forever. Pretending.
O.I: You've got friends. Lexii would probably take a bullet for you. Lucas could be closer if you let him in and you don't string him along--it'd be hard for him, but I think he'd be there for you even if you were clear that you weren't into him.
Daydream: Everyone has a role to play.
O.I: You've got you, too.
Daydream: Including me.
O.I: You're more than just Derrick.
Daydream: ..... No.
O.I: He's important, of course, and we're still on your side in that regard. We want a ending where everyone makes it out alive and, ideally, happy.
Daydream: ........
O.I: But happy isn't always how we envision it.
Daydream: .........
O.I: In any case, I've rambled far longer than I probably should. It might be some time before I have the opportunity to talk to you again. Or maybe not. Hard to say. Perhaps not even all of this will reach you. You are a busy person and I did indulge quite a bit here.
Daydream: I heard everything you said.
O.I: But I hope you care about and value yourself more for the interaction. Some of us really care that you make it out of this better than you came into it.
Daydream: I don't care what happens to me. I don't deserve anything good.
Daydream: Either Derrick and I leave this place or I forsake myself in the process.
O.I: And I hope maybe you take some time to be more willing to know and appreciate yourself for who you are. Not by how much Derrick or anyone else defines you.
Daydream: I don't need to be defined by anything.
Daydream: I just want my brother to wake up in the morning.
O.I: Is there anything you want to ask somebody if we managed to get contact with someone I.E. Nightmare, Emily, Lucia, Etc
Daydream: No. I should remain focused here.
Daydream: .....
Daydream: You're quiet now.
Daydream: Okay. So I was punchy earlier. But I'll listen about the shadow and dark asylum thing.
Daydream: Tell me what it is, why I need to know about it, and what to do to make it.