The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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>Adler: Oh, the poor thing! Gallantly volunteer to massage her temples for her.
>Vernier: Beg Adler to please stay focused. It's already hard enough for you to keep your promise.
>Adler: She promised to help you. Returning your affections can be considered helping you, by your reckoning anyway. She couldn't possibly be taking advantage of you if you're completely okay with it.

"You poor dear!" I exclaimed, seeing Vernier's distress. "Let me massage your temples for you."

"Please stay focused, sir," she moaned. "It's already hard enough for me to keep my promise."

"You promised to help me," I pointed out. "Returning my affections would be a huge help."

"I got a sure-fire cure for a headache," Burnside interjected from behind me. "We'll just have to amputate."

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"TOUCH HER AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO SUFFER," I snarled.

Burnside stared at me in astonishment. "Holy Fuma," she sighed. "Adler honey, you oughta talk like that more often."

I ignored her and grasped Vernier's hand. "It's not taking advantage if I ask you to do it," I crooned.

"Well, I've screwed things up again," Vernier declared sadly. "Why is it when I try to help someone, I always fail?"

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"What do you mean?" I inquired.

"Fine then, if you must know .. I have developed some affectionate feelings for you! You're a charming, endearing goofball, and hearing your life story showed how alike we are! You're a well meaning person who wants to do the right thing, yet due to ill luck and cruel circumstance, you always fall short, just like me! When I first came out here, my intentions were completely selfish. I thought I'd have some fun with an elf and maybe get some gold or a wish if I let you braid my hair. When I saw how terrified you were, you reminded me of my little brother, and when I heard your life story you reminded me of myself. I swore I'd help you, but I've already failed. The hair cult has completely fallen apart, and now I'm right back at that moment when I first arrived. I can't allow you to fall for me. You need an elf-femme of noble blood to free you so you can save Faerie. If the two of us fall for each other it will only end in heartache and possibly destroy your destiny."

"There there," I soothed. "It can't be that bad. How many times have you really failed helping people?"

"Oh sir, more than you'd expect," she stated, with trembling whiskers and a wavering voice.