The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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SpoilerSee pictures https://www.patreon.com/posts/40146839 or https://adleryoung.tumblr.com

>No need for high spirirt, ppur guest was nothing if not nice.
>Vernier: Explain yourself. Also, all these bugs are adorable.
>Ixies: All of you except Typantron receive the cute compliment very well. "I'm not cute... *sulks*"
>Adler: Tell your Ixies to stop harassing this blameless woman who is merely a victim of circumstance
Adler: Tell Typantron to calm down

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"Stand down," I ordered my Ixies, as I used the momentary distraction to break free from Vernier's insidious Wiles. "This femme has come here on legitimate business and I'm sure she meant no harm."

"Ooh, the little bug-fairies serve you?" Vernier squealed. "They're so CUTE!"

"No I'm not!" Typantronn snapped indignantly. "I'll show thee cute, thou oversized floozy!"

"Cool it," I warned. "All of you withdraw to the dolmen and let me talk to my visitor in peace."

>Okay calm down, you knew you weren't complelty secure but that's why you working on it, after all only a couple a few elves and those they entrusted it with know this secret passworld, the forest will protect from everything else.
>Adler: Think for a moment, perhaps you were overreacting earlier. If there was a secret phrase that makes all plants stand down then the empire's elite shrub soldiers would've been completely useless. This here is probably a unique circumstance. The phrase "only elves should know" most likely means just that, only elves should know it not that every elf knows it. This phrase might be something only this mysterious elf and the people he's told know. That would make him very powerful where the forces of nature are concerned.

Now that I'd had a moment to think about it, I realized that the new revelations Vernier had brought me did not necessarily have to be as alarming as I had first assumed. If the secret passphrase that required plants to stand down was widely known, it would have made the Empire's Shrub Knights absolutely useless .. however, all of Faerie had at one time trembled before the leafy hordes. Therefore, this passphrase was specialized knowledge held by very few elves .. perhaps only by this one individual and the few people he had told. I was still safe from the majority of would-be invaders.

But why would he tell Vernier his passphrase if he knew that my hairdresser cultists already had a secret sign that granted them admission to the heart of the tulgey wood? I could only conclude that he wanted me to know about the passphrase, and he told Vernier deliberately so that she would relay the information to me.

Another fact puzzled me: If this mysterious elf was so interested in meeting me, why had he not come here and introduced himself? Clearly he knew where I was, he must know that I could not leave this location, and obviously he had the means to get through the woods to my place of refuge and/or confinement. I could only conclude that the reason he had not come in person was because he was prevented from doing so. "Uncle Ash" must be bound by a geas that forbade him from approaching too close to the Gate!

I ransacked my memory, trying to think if there was an elvish criminal in the ballads and lore whose crime was heinous enough to warrant such a banishment. I couldn't think of one, but suddenly became nervous again as I realized (hypothetically) what sort of Unseelie monster might be showing an interest in me.

Adler, you clod. You let yourself get distracted and missed out on Vernier’s hint that you should be fornicating shamelessly.
>She's an administrative assistant, you have a cult you can't really manage hands on, in exchange for your tender hair ministrations once a week, she'll help them organise and balance their books as long as the arrangement statisfy your both (that way you have a quick way out if for some reason you want to break it..)
>Oh and please, dear lady feel free to bring me the food basket and news of the rest of the island whenever you want (any excuse to see more of her....)
>Jsut please ue the scissor sign rather than the secret phrase if you can.
This mystery elf is an honorary member of the Martin family. Perhaps summon one of them for more information.

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"I think you will be of great use to me," I stated after what was probably a very awkward pause. "I have a cult to manage, but I can't leave this circle of stones .. and it's inconvenient at this time to use the means of remote communication which I would ordinarily have at my disposal. This is where your skills as an administrative assistant will prove invaluable."

"Is THAT all you wanted?" Vernier asked incredulously. "They said you were looking specifically for skunk femmes."

"Well yes, I am, but -"

"ATTRACTIVE skunk femmes," she continued indignantly. "And you only want them for secretarial work, eh? I find that hard to believe."

"Madam, elves do not lie," I insisted loudly, over a strangled outburst from Angela atop the dolmen. "You'll help my cult organize and balance their books, and you will bring a detailed report along with the supply basket once a week - in exchange for which I will personally style your hair. We shall continue this arrangement as long as we both find it satisfactory."

"Bookkeeping and reporting to you in person, eh?" she murmured thoughtfully. "Throw in a gold piece a week for my time and I'll do it."

"Two silver," I countered.

"Make it three."

"Two. You're also getting a free hairdo, remember."

"All right, but if I don't like the hairstyle, I reserve the right to renegotiate."

"Fair enough," I acquiesced. "Be sure to use the Scissors sign, not the passphrase Ash taught you. Oh, and bring one of the Martens with you next time you come. I have some questions to ask them about their so-called Uncle."