MURDERFIA: WOOP ZOOP IT'S CLOBBERING TIME

You people want to know why I had to kill Infinity? How can you even ask that question? Are you all so deadened and soulless by countless unemotional games that you can't see the facts in front of you. Grow some humanity.

Some troll humanity.

If it's not obvious enough, I'll spell it out for you (although you'd already know if you kept apace with the latest romanceful speculations and my eight-part trade volume of Ships and Shippers). You see two – or in certain circumstances, three – people can develop feelings for each other. Powerful feelings. Real human feelings that real human humans can totally feel for each other. Real human feelings that sometimes only one of the people feels. Yes, you're starting to catch on. I loved Infinity!

I troll loved him.

Infinity was everything I wanted in a kismesis. My various phantom glands began a-palpitatin' the instant he posted in this thread, and they never stopped. Everything about him, everything about his playstyle, everything about the way he treated the game on day one... It was all perfect. It was so counter to everything I wanted and believed and felt. It was like a match made in a writhing, grubby heaven. I just knew we were meant to be. I could feel my hackles rising every time I saw him, just like I imagined they would.

But he never noticed me!

I thought perhaps the best way to draw his ire would be demure unhelpfulness, fluffposts and flavor and silliniess, but to no avail. He was a man so filled with the flaming spirit of the scumhunt that he had anger enough for all of us flailing idiots. I couldn't stand out. I couldn't make him hatelove me the way I lovehated him. I've dedicated my whole life to my OTPs and OT3s and fic and slashes and art and love, but when it came down to it, the only ship I couldn't sail... Was my own.

I couldn't stand it any more!

Even when I defended him for the most ridiculous reasons I could think of – ridiculous to him anyway, they were sacred to me and that's part of what made us so perfect for each other – he didn't say anything. Didn't care. Hate isn't the opposite of love (especially not of kismelove), apathy is. It boiled my blood, but in a bad way this time! I had to do something.

He had to die.

But when the time came, I couldn't do it. As I held him in my murderarms, I just got so... Flustered. He was my first. My first real kismesis. How did I start? I mean, they all say that when the time comes, you know how to throttle someone, but... What did I do with my hands? How did I know when it was over? Was I supposed to have this erection? But more than anything, I just didn't know if I wanted to. I felt like if he didn't want me killing him, then maybe I didn't deserve to. Maybe I just wasn't good enough. I was going to stop, to let him live. Find another nice cockbite I could settle down and raise a gaggle of acrimonious children with.

But then he looked up at me.

I've never seen so much fear and hatred in my life. Somehow, killing someone just has this way of making them really not like you even a little bit. Call it kismet, call it lust, but whatever it was, I felt it. And even if it wasn't "real" kismesisitude, for that moment, I felt like it was.

You can hang me if you want. I'll die knowing I had a bond none of you never have and most of you never will.

Show Content

SpoilerI'll die knowing that the town got the chance to lynch someone who wasn't super obviously town making a muddle of it. I'll die knowing that the obliterator won't have an obvious target tomorrow.

I'll die laughing at the lack of medals and seeing an eleventh-hour lynch target snatched away at eleven forty five. But for serious, though, oblits r bad, this was an unhelpful lynch, and I didn't want to die overnight and waste my one-shot.