The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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>Merc: Oh, my mistake. You're a full grown woman then? You know, Randall is a very masculine name for a woman.
>Adler: Your eye begins twitching and you silently fume.

"My apologies, ma'am," the lowfolk person simpered. "You look much younger than you are. Is Randall normally a woman's name among elves though?"

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"Rrrgh," I said insightfully as my eye began to twitch and I crushed the rest of the cookie into crumbs.

>Mercs: "Are you sure she's telling the truth?" "She must be, all the old stories say 'elves do not lie'." "I thought it was 'elves don't fry'." "Oh, that would be a very sad existence. I love fried food" "I'm pretty sure it's 'elves don't pry'." "That's definitely not it, elves pry into people's business all the time in the stories." "No-no. You're all mistaken, I definitely remember reading 'elves don't fly'." Everyone nods in agreement, that must be it. Stands to reason.
>Adler: Screech again. You are not a little girl or a woman! You are a super masculine elf MAN! Are these lowfolk here to work for you or not!?

"How can you be sure she's telling the truth?" Tricorn Hat inquired.

"Duh, everybody knows elves don't lie. It's in all the old tales."

"Really? I thought it was 'elves don't fry.'"

"That's ridiculous. They eat bacon."

"Maybe so, but do they FRY bacon? That's an important distinction."

"I doubt they eat it raw."

"Maybe it's 'elves don't pry.'"

"Can't be that. They are super nosy and pry into everything."

"I AM NOT A GIRL OR A WOMAN, YOU DIMWITS," I bellowed. "I AM A MANLY MALE ELF! And it's 'elves do not lie.' Now, are you here to work for me, or are you just going to stand around jabbering stupidly?"

>Mercs: Well, that depends. What's the pay? Are there benefits? Dental? What about vacation time? What are the hours like? Does he support the Mercenaries Union?
(HM King Adler) To try to figure out how to get back on track.

"Well, that depends," the lowfolk in the regular hat replied. "What are the hours and what's the pay? Do you have a job description? How many days of paid leave do we get? Do you offer medical and dental coverage? And what about a pension plan?"

"ENOUGH!" I bellowed, completely losing my cool.

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"Great Auk," Rowan exclaimed. "You .. turned him into a feral weasel?"

"That's what happens to people who annoy me," I panted, not entirely sure how I had done it.

"Can you change him back?" Tricorn Hat asked nervously.

"That depends on what kind of mood I'm in," I sneered in what I hoped was a menacing manner.

Estvaan: Pook up as many drinks as you can.
(Estvan) Consider whether now is the time to run the old "Sure an Oi'm a god" scam.
(Estvan) At this moment, being a deity associated with BOOZE sounds like a good idea.

"Sure an that remoinds me o' me days as a lowfolk god, bedad," Estvan chuckled. "Oi was this close to helpin' ye by Pookin' up a round or two o' drinks, but begorrah, tis glad oi am to see ye handle it yerself in foine old Long Ago style. An' sure, oi don't have to dip into me personal liquor stash at all at all."

"YESSSS!" a tiny voice squealed from nearby.

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"That's the way to handle them, Sire!" Typantronn yelled as she and the Ixies buzzed into the stone circle. "We knew thou couldst do it!"

"OMG!!!1!" Angela crowed exuberantly. "That. Was. AWESOME!!1!!! I'm so glad we got back N time 2 C this! Ad- I mean Randall, UR my HERO!!"