The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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SpoilerSorry, my plans require that the Wanton Marten Femme not be an idiot.
See it with pictures https://www.patreon.com/posts/31733372 or https://adleryoung.tumblr.com

>Estvan: Ah, good. A lowfolk, you can demonstrate to Adler how you should and how you shouldn't speak to lowfolk.

"Sure an' let me handle this," Estvan whispered, then called out to the strange femme: "Who is it ye moight be, lass, an what's the nature of yer business out here in the dark, nigh-impenetrable forest?"

"Oh sir," the marten femme sighed despondently as she sashayed out from behind the menhir. "My name is Rowan, and I'm lost! Those horrible rabbits drove me out of Tulgeyside just because I'm wanton, and now I have nowhere to go! I came this way because I heard voices, but ..."

>Adler: It could be that you're still emotionally vulnerable from your last breakup and subconsciously willing to desperately throw yourself at anyone to fill the void or maybe your scarring ordeal and time spent with Ethel is causing you to latch on to an emotional tether and conflate all lowfolk woman as being a source of comfort and stability, but she's the ONE! You're sure of it this time.
>Adler: Rush forward to meet this young lady. "HI! I'm Lord Randal! I'm an elf and I don't make shoes! You're really pretty!"
>Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme: You heard that there's a magical elf out here that lets people braid his hair for free.
Adler: HELLO LADY!
Adler: Act like a complete ass
(Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme) Shyly[?] pad out from behind menhir.
(Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme) Flash some serious leg.
(HM King Adler II) HOMINA HOMINA HOMINA! WHAT A BABE!
(HM King Adler II) Zip over to whether the Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme is.
(HM King Adler II) Introduce yourself, Smoothly.
(Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme) Giggle. State that you like Adler's headband.

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"TAKE HEART, MY DEAR!" I exclaimed as I lunged forward. Never had I seen such a beautiful femme since Eth- (NO! I would not think about her!) Her fur was sleek! Her curves were intoxicating! She was showing a lot of leg with her skirt slit high up one side! "Some call me Lord Randall, but you can call me your loyal servant," I schmoozed suavely as I took Rowan's delicate hand and kissed it.

"Well hello, Lord Randall," she chuckled. "You must be the elf I've heard tales about. Nice headband. Is it true that braiding your hair brings luck?"

"Try it and see," I suggested, as I snatched the headband off and blinked fetchingly at her.

>Sam: Stare in disbelief. You heard Adler was a ladies man, but this is just coming across as desperate.
>Estvan: Oh no... He's completely infatuated with lowfolk women now. This is going to be a problem.
(Estvan Silverbrush) Realize, with awful prescience

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"Through the guarding trees, how did she get?" Sam whispered. "Not the easiest task it was for us, and woodsy elves we are!"

"Cushlamochree," Estvan groaned. "Tis an appallin' spectacle for certain. Just look at Adler humiliatin himself, bedad."

"To deal with lowfolk femmes has no-one taught him?" Sam inquired skeptically. "A serious oversight that was."

"Sure an the lad never had a proper upbringin' at all at all," Estvan whispered. "We've got to get him out o' there before he starts makin' irrevocable promises."

"Perhaps if hard enough we pinch him," Sam suggested.

"Oi've sworn not to harm him," Estvan pointed out.

"Pinch lightly then, but do it we must."

>Estvan: Pinch Adler to snap him out of it.
>Sam: Pinch Adler to snap him out of it.
>Adler: Ow! Once would've been enough!
>Foxes: True, but not as funny.
>Marten: Pinch the meanies picking on the cute boy.

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"OW!!" I exclaimed as the two foxes pinched me. "What's the big idea?"

"Hold still!" Rowan demanded. "I can't braid this hair with all that twitching around! What's up with you two fox weirdos anyway? Are you trying to keep me from getting lucky?"

"Afther a manner o' speakin," Estvan admitted.

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"If you guys intend to interfere between me and my lady-love," I growled. "Well, I can promise that you'll regret it."

"This should be interesting," Rowan smirked behind me.