The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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SpoilerBehold the fully illustrated version https://www.patreon.com/posts/28459636 or https://adleryoung.tumblr.com

> You're not goofing around, you're ..uh...gathering inteligence and.. er.. building logisitics.

"That sounded a lot like the elf," P.J. remarked.

"IT IS THE ELF, YOU INSOLENT WRETCH," I bellowed.  "How dare you speak of your sovereign lord that way!"

"So I didn't just imagine it then, " Ethel sighed with obvious relief.

"Look, um, Lord Randall," P.J. began.  "We're not goofing off.  We did as you asked, and furthermore you never gave me that interview you promised."

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FIGHTING THE SHRUBS AT PERCYSTHORPE!" I yelled.  "When you've fulfilled your assignment and the danger is past, then I'll grant you that interview."

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"Dear, why don't you go into the kitchen and let me handle this," Ethel sighed.  P.J. got up from his chair with a grumble, and left the room.

"What's going on?" I demanded.  "Why aren't you supervising the battle?  Why are you so casually refusing to take me seriously?  You've seen the truth of elf magick with your own eyes -"

>Ethel and PJ: Once you understand it's Adler talking to you, calmly and patiently explain that the actual battle won't take place for a while.
with the wonky time shift that sent you ahead
Duchess Of Daisy's army: Your meal consists of nothing but beer battered deep fried shoes
Ethel, calmly explain to Adler that he needs appear more often if he wants them to follow his orders. It's been almost a forthnight since he disappeared.

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"Look, 'Your Lordship,' it's like this," she grumbled.  "The battle took place more than a year ago.  We haven't seen or heard any trace of you in all that time.  You can't blame us for doubting your sincerity and assuming the whole thing had been an elaborate prank."

"Huh?" I prompted her to elaborate.

"The Ixies scattered their wood pests, but it wasn't enough," Ethel informed me.  "Where were you with your steamed gunpowder, your Elfin Fire or whatever you were going to call it?  The bugs didn't even slow them down, and without any sort of effective weapon, we had to retreat.  The Duchess's army was routed and she was driven from Percysthorpe, taking all of her advanced industry with her.  In the year since, the town's economy has collapsed and many of the residents have had to resort to eating their shoes.  Was that your intention, Randall?  Did you mean to destroy us?  Was all of this just a lark to you?"

"No, I -" I stammered.  "It was all real.  I have been working on the explosives but it's a little bit more difficult than I expected, so I took a break to come check on you .."

"You've been messing with gunpowder for an entire year?"

"No!  It's only been a day!  The time discrepancy between our worlds shouldn't have drifted that far in such a short while!"

"Pardon me if I don't believe you," Ethel smirked.

"Elves do not lie!" I exclaimed, with great umbrage.  "But you lowfolk are capable of all manner of vile deception.  What happened to the forest after their victory?  If indeed such a thing truly happened, surely I would have heard of it since I was to be their next target."

"They left Percysthorpe and entered the tulgey wood, heading toward Albric Tor.  Assuming the truth of your wild tales, we thought they must have destroyed you, and that's why there was never any further word.  Yet here you are, your disembodied voice once again pestering me with foolish nonsense while you clearly haven't been pulverized by your so-called enemies the trees.  All you have is transparent fibs about time discrepancies .."

"ELVES DO NOT LIE!" I re-iterated in a higher pitch for emphasis.  "But you do!  If, as you claim, an entire year has passed, why are you and P.J. sitting around lollygagging together?  You clearly didn't socialize before I appointed you both to official positions in my cabinet!"

"During the course of the battle and subsequent stressful events, P.J. was by my side," Ethel explained with a wistful look in her eye.  "I began to see qualities in him that I had not noticed before, and six months ago we were wed."

>Adler: Your eye begins twitching...

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WED????

I glanced around the room, and at the ring on Ethel's finger, and I knew she was telling the truth.

I pulled myself way from the scrying orb and reeled around the room in a daze.

A year!

A whole year!  How could this have happened?  There must be a way to calculate the time slippage, or even to control it!  Hadn't my mother once mentioned that Sheila na Gig had known a way to exploit the temporal difference between the worlds?  For a moment I wondered where my old Wiles teacher was ...

But no ... it was too late.  The time for plans and schemes was over.  I was defeated.  Even now, I was surrounded by hostile greenery.  That was why the forest had looked so strangely tulgey!  But why they hadn't struck sooner, why they had bided their time for an entire year?  I wasn't sure - but it was over now!  The lovely and enchanting Ethel was lost to me forever, and I was tired, so tired ...

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I stumbled out of the Gate and threw my arms wide.

"HERE I AM, YOU ACCURSED LEAFY SWINE!" I yelled in despair.  "TAKE ME IF YOU DARE!"

"You'll have to leave the circle," came the rustling reply.  "Some ancient magick prevents us from entering, else we'd have twined our roots 'round your bones ere now."