The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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>Adler: Despite your previous confidence, you simply cannot refuse a request from Ethel. You act too quickly and without thinking, not to mention you're still high. You set yourself on fire.
>"You light my fire, honey". Keep a straight face and ignore how cheesy it sounds. Chicks dig cheesy lines.

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"You light my fire, baby," I schmoozed as I ignited the closest object I could think of. I'd show Ethel she wasn't the only one around here who could use Wiles!

"Nope, it looks like you lit your own fire," Ethel observed. "Is it the wyrmweed, or do elves always use their tails as torches?"

"AIEE!" I remarked. "PUT ME OUT! PUT ME OUT!!"

>Ethel: Quickly help Adler put out his burning fur.

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Ethel quickly leaped into action, swatting vigorously to extinguish the flames. I didn't know which was hurt more, my singed & battered tail or my dignity.

I needed to do something to salvage this situation! Something that would demonstrate my authority and my tactical prowess!

I summoned an Ixie, and she arrived almost instantly, munching on a tiny green bug.

"In case Jerry himself forgets to mention it," I instructed, "I need you to make sure everyone at Percysthorpe knows that SALV Relda Fauxfox gave Jerry his quest. What on Fuma's green earth are you eating?"

"I owe thee, Sire," the Ixie burped. "None of my sisters wagered thou wouldst go so far as to set thyself alight. I won six aphids by thy tomfoolery."

I could hear Ethel stifle a chuckle behind me.

>Adler: In some desperate attempt to try and salvage the situation and impress Ethel, summon an Ixie to relay your new plans
>Ixie: Inform Adler that you and the others have been watching the entire time and taking bets on how badly he would embarrass himself.
Adler: Be angry at the Ixie for taking bets on you
Ethel: Punch Adler in the shoulder for being mean to such a precious little creature

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"What?" I demanded imperiously. "Have you been spying and taking bets on your lord?"

"Spying is our profession, Sire."

"How dare you!" I seethed. "I forbid any such practice from now on! You are to spy FOR me, not ON me!"

"Hey, don't be mean to the cute little ladybug fairy," Ethel scolded me. "Such a precious tiny creature! I had no idea they were real! What is its name?"