The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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SpoilerBehold it with pictures https://www.patreon.com/posts/24526991
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>Wealthy Boar: Call for the guards.

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"GUARDS!" the boar bellowed. "GUARDS! I'VE BEEN ROBBED!"

>Guards: Be eerily familiar, for some reason. The older of the two has an unhealthy and unnatural attraction to grass and an obsession with model carts, the younger rookie spends his every breath complaining about his overbearing mother.
Big Fat Noble Boar: Enraged by this turn of events, begin stuffing raw potatoes down your gullet

With a clanking and a jingling of chainmail, two fellows with pikes and helms came scurrying down the street.

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"What's the trouble, Mr. Little?" the bovine guard asked. "Is this going to take long? I can't let the glue dry yet on my model cart."

"We're not going to have to charge you with disturbing the peace again, are we?" the lupine guard inquired. "My mother, she says -"

"NEVER MIND YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR MODEL," the boar yelled as he angrily gnawed a potato which he pulled out of his cloak. "MY STORE HAS BEEN BURGLED AND THE THIEF IS ABSCONDING WITH A SACK OF BOOKS AND POSSIBLY MY PARTNER AS WELL. DON'T JUST STAND THERE, YOU IDIOTS!! HE'S GETTING AWAY!"

Jerry: As you sprint down the street singing about your deepest desire, accidentally run into a very wealthy hawk femme!

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The two guards had barely begun their pursuit, when an elegantly-dressed hawk femme stepped out of a doorway, directly into Jerry's path! The stampeding book thief collided with the noble avian, and they both went down in a tangle of fur and feathers.

Noble Hawk Femme (With Hooks for Hands): Be very angry at this pauper for knocking you down, but upon seeing that glazed crazed look in his eye, be reminded of your 13 dead husbands who all died for being too boring. Fall in love with this disturbed fellow

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The guards rushed up as the femme was dusting herself off.

"Lady Hawk, are you all right?" the bovine guard asked nervously.

"I'm fine," she screeched melodiously. "Your services are not required."

"Um, we have to arrest that man," the lupine guard pointed out. "He's suspected of stealing books and a vole."

"Nonsense," the hawk replied. "I've captured this fascinating morsel, and he is mine. I've not met such an interesting man in a long time, and I intend to get better acquainted. You may assure the odious Mr. Little that if I find any of his property, I shall promptly return it to him."

"But this guy's a suspect," the bovine guard insisted feebly.

"Shoes," Jerry cooed, in a daze.

"Yes, I think he shall make a fine pair of shoes for me," the hawk declared. "Now leave us."

I breathed a sigh of relief. It looked like my problem was solved! Now I could investigate the Duchess's activities .. or I could return to Ethel, inform her that Jerry had been dealt with, and claim my sweet, sweet reward!