The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

>Vulpsmarshal Sweetcheeks: Apologise to King Estmere (narrowly avoiding a diplomatic incident)

"I, Sweetcheeks, insinuate nothing, Your Majesty," the Vulpsmarshal replied nervously. "There is a foul odor coming from somewhere other than your august personage."

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>Percy: Grab the files you need and vamoose. Muse on just how easy it is to infiltrate elven society.
(Brave Percy) Find the file room.
(Brave Percy) Find the file on SALV Faufox
(Brave Percy) Find the file on Percy, Lowfolk Squab.

Percy boldly crept into the file room and began bravely rifling through the drawers. He marvelled nobly on how easy it was to dupe these elves and enter the most secure areas of their Embassy. Truly, an enterprising bird could make his fortune in such a gullible land as this.

Percy stalwartly located the file labeled "SALV Relda Fauxfox" and was starting to close the drawer when his heroic eye lit upon a tab labeled "Percy le Gobelet." He grasped the file with his mighty thews and fearlessly opened it.

"DELISHOUS LOFOLK SQUAB" the cover page declared.

>Avogadro:*GASP!* She kicked you! She kicked you with her own foot! Quickly now, go fetch what she wants.
Avogadro: After getting Fifi's new outfit also bring back a wagon full of useless gifts that you stole just to give to Relda.

While the con staff were setting up the table for the pie-eating contest, Avogadro returned. In one hand he held a shiny new Pie-Fight Valkyrie costume, and with the other hand he pulled a wagon full of assorted junk.

"Here is a replacement outfit for your friend, my lady," the Sergeant mooned. "Though I would be ecstatic if you would wear it yourself. I've also brought you a wagonload of gifts, as a thank-you for being so beautiful. Please look at them and enjoy them."

I was saved from having to sift through a mound of worthless bric-a-brac by a voice shouting, "Places, people! Places for the pie eating contest!"

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>Ixies: You arrive just after Alice stepped out to get some supplies to help with her ambitions. Looks like that no-good tailipo gave you some bad info.
(Ixies) Fly to the Hall of Ancestors.

The Ixies gathered after buzzing around the Hall of Ancestors for several minutes.

"No Tailipo here," one Ixie snarled grumpily.

"Have we looked everywhere?" another asked.

"Most everywhere. Forsooth, this place is like a maze."

"If she were here we would have seen her," the third Ixie declared. "That cursed Manx-cat hath led us astray. I say we fry him!"

"I have no objection."

"Nor I."

>Adler-Relda: Begin the next contest. Unfortunately all the pies are flavors that you absolutely detest, and they're poorly made to boot. One pie actually has a boot sticking out of it.
>Unlucky contestant that gets the boot-pie: You have to eat the entire boot to pass the contest.
Pie Eating Contestestant: Have a weight labeled Heavy Lorde badly disguised as a pie placed in front of you
Relda: Be given a horse radish pie, actually its not really a pie its just a plate of horse radish in the shape of a pie.
Izzy, return from having your costume adjusted to better fit with the judges' specs. Look weird.

We took our seats behind a long table on the Convention stage.

"Fan-made pies have been randomly distributed before you," the Vulpsmarsal explained. "When I, Sweetcheeks, ring the bell, you shall commence eating. Whoever finishes the most pies the fastest will earn the full score for this event."

"Well, I'm out," Izzy sighed. "I'm pretty sure this isn't even food. After I went and got myself gussied up to satisfy the judges, too."

"Zis vill be ein challenge," the chubby vixen muttered as she examined her pie.

I surveyed my pie with dismay, noting that it seemed to be nothing more than a pie plate full of horseradishes. "How am I supposed to eat all of that?" I grumbled. "It's huge!"

"Ha ha, suckers," Fifi chortled. "Looks like I lucked out this time. Let the pie-feast begin."

Vulpsmarshal Sweetcheeks rang the bell.

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Spoiler

Audience, be surprised at the extreme tolerance of spicy food Relda can handle without any discomfort.
Audience, be absolutely shocked at the sheer amount of pies that the Rotund Vixen can eat without bursting.
Rotund Vixen, be secretly cheating by hiding away parts of your pies in your elfintory instead of actually swallowing them.
Be noticed by someone, but do not be reported.
Is a vulpine caching food technically cheating?

"Fuma's mercy!" Detective Webb exclaimed. "I knew she could eat, but I was not prepared for such a spectacle. How can she put away so much, so fast, of material that few would even consider edible?"

"Oh she's known to have a high tolerance for such stuff," Lemmy smirked. "It runs in the family."



"Egad!" Glenholm interjected. "Unless my eyes deceive me .. yes, I do believe she's slipping portions surreptitiously into her elfintory! Are you seeing this?"

"What? No," Lemmy said, confused. "She wouldn't cheat like that .. would she?"

"It's arguable whether food-caching wold be considered cheating, for a vulpine," the Detective mused. "Though I supposed it's also debatable whether a boot could be considered food. She's very sly - it's hard to spot her unless you look quite closely."

"Wait a minute, did you say BOOT?" Lemmy asked incredulously. "Have you been talking about her, that fat vixen, the whole time?"

"Of course. Who have you been talking about?"