The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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>Scut-Preston: If someone's bugging you, render them asunder. If someone cuts in line, render them asunder. If your wife is nagging you, render her asunder. If the jam-jar wont open, render it asunder. I bet that's how you cut the grass too. Jeez man,that's your answer for everything.
>Scuti Jimmy Prime: Fly into berserker rage

"SILENCE, the both of you!" Jimmy shrieked. "I've had all I can stand of your idiocy! As soon as I get loose, you will be rent asunder! I'll have your guts for garters and your skins for stockings!"

"Ach, now yer talkin like me Sal," Nero sighed.

"Shut up about your Sal!" Jimmy hissed. "You never should have married her, and you'd both be better off if you never came home."

"You need to calm down, mister," Angus grunted. "Here now, just take a look at this trim little schooner -"

"Stuff your stupid boats! Who in all the Netherhells puts tiny boats in bottles? It's ridiculous!"

"You can insult my partner and criticize his wife," Angus grumbled. "But I won't stand here and listen to you calumniate model ships in bottles. Grab his arm, Nero. I think it's time our guest had a little accident."



"Hold!" a sudden trio of Ixies called out. "We seek a reprehensible Tailipo. Knowest anything about this, yon pale Manx-cat?"

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Percy, attempt to follow the instructions. Be forced to improvise a lot.
>Percy: Your sneaking could be better. To put it politely, an explosion in a wind-chime factory would be less noticeable. Thing is, because you are being so overtly suspicious in your infiltration, your presence goes completely unchallenged.
(Brave Percy) Infiltrate the Embassy
>Percy: Your search for the the Vulpitanian Embassy is hampered by your not knowing where it is.
the Vulpitanian's have set up a new embassy since the old one was mysteriously blown up by a somewhat familiar white vixen.

Percy bravely crept to the edge of the square, where he noticed a fox loitering suspiciously and dressed in a uniform similar to his own.



"Pssst, hey buddy," Precy nobly whispered as he slithered along the wall. "Where's the Vulpitanian Embassy?"

"How could you possibly not know that?" the fox whispered back.

"Er, that information is on a need-to-know basis," Percy courageously floundered. "And I didn't need to know before now."

"And why do you suddenly need to know all of a sudden?"

"I, uh, can't tell you."

"It checks out," the fox shrugged. "The new Embassy is is up Chalcedony Avenue. Straight down this way, turn left, take an immediate widdershins and then your second right and twenty-four doors from the turning, on the shady side of the street. You can't miss it."

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the rebels releasing a large quantity of noxious gas around their camp
(Ominous Rumble, Source Thereof) Manifest yourself.

"That's disgusting," one of the soldiers remarked.

"BEG PARDON," MacBrock bellowed sheepishly. "I THINK SUMMAT I ATE DINNA AGREE WI' ME."

"Couldn't have been this delicious pie," the soldier opined, taking another big bite.

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Alice, go look for proper tools

Alice paused to consult her Pocket Guide to The Plan. It always pays to be careful! A mistake now could have disastrous consequences.

Avogadro, go please your mistress. Do not mind doing unseelie things for her.
>Advogadro: Being the abused servant of an uncaring, shallow vixen is what your entire life has been leading up to. Don't squander it.
Avagadro: Prostrate yourself on the ground before Relda and promise her, her every wish and desire. Begin kissing her feet
Grovel at her feet

Suddenly Sergeant Avogadro rushed onto the stage and threw himself at my feet.

"Oh my icy beauty," he whimpered while clutching my ankles. "My lady, I am yours to command. Anything you wish, be it Seelie, Unseelie, or venery-related, I will do it without hesitation."

"Get zis sniveling sycophant off der stage!" SALV Chesswick exclaimed. "Haff you been usink der Viles on him? Because you know, Viles is verboten in zis competition!"

"No," I protested. "I mean, not intentionally .."

Audience, bring your own pies and other pie-like pastries, the quality of which varies drastically. The contest must go on!
(Con-goers) Start to get rowdy, since the contest is being held up.

"Quit stalling!" someone in the audience called out.

"On to the next event!" another attendee yelled.

"Look, I told you people, the shipment of pies for the next event has been delayed!" Vulpsmarshal Sweetcheeks reiterated.

"No excuse!" another voice called out. "We've got pies! This is PieFight ValKon! Come on everybody - let 'em have your pies!"

>Fifi: Suffer a sudden wardrobe malfunction
>SALV Chesswick: Remind Fifi Fofox that she was disqualified for already attempting to use wiles on the judges and to get off the stage.
>Fifi: "But this outfit is cheaply made..." (That what you get for using wiles on a merchant of bootleg Pie Fight Valkerie goods, Fifi)
>Fifi: Wonders why Relda's outfit's still on, you both got the outfits from the same merchant.

The crowd was distracted from following through on this provocative invitation by a loud "YIPE!" from Fifi.

"SALV Fofox!" Alberta snapped. "Vhat did I chust say about Viles? You already missed out on der pie-dodgink. Do you vish to be disqvalified from der entire competition?"



"It's not my fault!" Fifi gekkered. "It's this crummy cheap costume! Why didn't hers break too? We got them from the same sleazy vendor."