The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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"Open up your Secret Orders, liebchen," SALV Chesswick commanded as she handed the younger vixen a sealed scroll.

SALV Silverbrush roke the seals and carefully unrolled the parchment.

(SALV Silverbrush) Open your envelope of Secret Orders. Read.
(SALV Silverbrush) Come to the conclusion, based on the contents, that you got the wrong envelope.

"LOLWUT," she exclaimed. "Melt butter & cheese in a double boiler .. mix in spices ... slowly pour in beer ... stir until ceamy? How do these orders apply 2 teh current situation?"

"Der Plan is alvays enigmatic," Alberta shrugged. "Vhen in doubt, chust ving it."

>Adler: "Good work, Ms. Thomson. Despite your previous behavior, you may yet prove to be a genuine asset. I see you've also scared him into compliance. He's stiff as a board and positively wooden with fear."
>Estvan: Your eye begins twitching... Is this divine punishment for all your past japes?

"Great work, Thomson!" I exclaimed, giving her an enthusiastic thumbs-up sign. "I was worried about you for a while there, but it looks like you're proving to be a valuable asset to my team. You've got that guy totally subdued. He's scared stiff as a board."

"Fuma preserve us," Estvan muttered grimly. "Sure an' could this be some manner o' punishment?"

Estvan: Sober up the army Adler by using one of the tricks you learned back in your college years

"I've said it before, an' I'll say it again," the old fox snapped as he whacked my head with his shillelagh. "Wake up, ye spalpeen! Yon floozy has captured a log. A LOG!! Sure an' yer still bedazed an' befuddled by that wicked herb, an' it's captured you'll be by a squad o' potted plants if ye don't start thinkin' and actin' right soon!"

>The ambush could be bearing down on you any minute. What's the situation? The soldiers are trying to eat dirt, .. Thomson .. interrogating a stump, Burnside appears to be having a drug induced inner-spirit journey... Something needs to be done, and soon, or you're all doomed.
this time makes you remember many things
>Adler: Snap to the sobering thought that your army is less than useless right now, they're actively humiliating you by making you the laughingstock of the realm.
(Adler) Recall to your Army what Irenaeus did to armies of his that displeased him.

"Thanks, I needed that," I yelped as the pain cleared my mind. I rubbed my head and stroked my chin thoughtfully as I pondered our situation.

My army was in no state to march right now, let alone face combat. Burnside and Thomson were both addled by the pipeweed's noxious vapors. Estvan was right; something needed to be done right away, and I was going to have to do it myself.

>Like that old abandoned scrying tower

I recalled that there was a still-functioning scrying tower on the outskirts of Albric Tor, not far from our present position. If I could get there, it would be a good defensible stronghold .. and if I could figure out how to operate the scrying device, I might be able to discover the placement of the Marshal's forces and anticipate his strategies. To take the tower and hold it, though, I would need to get there with my army .. and I had no way of knowing first whether it was defended or not.

>Adler: Change of plans. Confront Estemere directly and nip this in the bud. You know how to get into his throne room undetected.

It would probably be best if I could get into the Palace and talk to Estmere directly. He was a sensible elf; if I explained the situation to him, brother to brother, he would probably understand. As long as I let him keep some floozies, he might peacefully abdicate the throne. But how could I get from here into the Palace?

sir Ravenmad seemed to move pretty freely between the hall of ancestors and the underworks under the city which might mean they are cpnnected by another set of secret tunnels.

The strange buck's mention of tunnels reminded me of the way Sir Ravenmad was able to move rapidly around the city via the Underworks. There was probably a way into them from the Hall of Ancestors, which wasn't far from here. If I could gain access to those tunnels, I might be able to find my way into the Palace.

the Master of Elfham somehow could once get a carriage ahead of yourself using some kind of ham dimension based transportation.

The Master of Elhame had used some sort of Gnostermonger hamomancy to transport himself into the Palace pantry. That skill would have come in useful now, but I had never learned it.

you or at least Estvan can pook, which could let you get a spy/sabteur into the capital.

Estvan had taught me to do Pooka Vanish, which was almost as good as hamomancy - but alas, I was not proficient enough to pook all the way to the Palace from here. Plus there was always significant danger in pooking to a location that one could not see.

you could even try those cracks in the faerie realms

I briefly considered the possibility of using the Gaps to circumvent Theronmyathus' army, but had to scrap that idea as soon as I thought of it. Gaps were too unpredictable. There was no way of knowing where one would appear. Plus, the temporal shift between the worlds was such that any army using a Gap for transport would show up years or even decades late for the battle. This might have been an effective strategy any other time, but we were on a tight schedule! I had to take the throne before Edessa gave birth to her royal child!

you can change shape. You could turn into an ixie to fly into the capital again. Or you could turn into something else more creative.

Eventually I decided that my best chance would be to transmogrify into something that would enable me to sneak into the city unseen .. or at least unchallenged. The forms I knew how to do were: A fish, a mer-elf, an Ixie, and a beautiful vixen. There probably wasn't time to learn a new one, so one of these would have to do - but which one?

>SALV Silverbrush: ... your own father? Your very own flesh and blood, the one who sired you.

"Papa," SALV Silverbrush called plaintively as she pooked into the area.

"Macushla?" Estvan asked, startled. "Begorrah, Sofie me dearie, what is it yer doin' out here?"

"Oh Papa, I've missed U," the SALV pleaded. "Please come home. I want 2 sit in ur lap and listen 2 U tell stories of teh Long Ago."

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(Stolen Comb) Be examined closely by somefur deeply interested in it.

Alice Chetsweeks sat down at the foot of a large tree, placed the Scuti-jar beside her, and began to closely examine the tail comb she had swiped from my Elfintory.

"Fuma's Teeth," she whispered reverently. "This is it, isn't it? To think that the Duchess of Daisies had it all this time."

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Meanwhile, in the Palace:

(Estmere) Enjoy life in general.

"Dude," Estmere sighed with unfeigned contentment. "Being High King of Faerie totally rocks! I never want to give it up. Being an elf is the best. It's way better than being a lowfolk. And life, man .. being alive RULES! It's totally better than being, like, I dunno, a dried-up skeleton or something."