The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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Spoiler

- The vocals are a bit hard to hear. Is it possible to view the lyrics somewhere?

I've added the lyrics to the posting on Patreon.

- What's "Skunxploitation"? From the term I can't stop imagining feral skunks being unfairly exploited...

I guess you've never heard of 1970s "Blaxploitation" movies. Why it was called that, I don't know, but that's the term for a genre of African-American wish-fulfillment & revenge-fantasy movies featuring macho black heroes and funky soundtrack music. Look up Shaft and Dolemite for iconic examples.

- What are the actual chances of ever seeing a movie about Adler? Or any kind of extensive piece of animation?

Slim to none. I don't have the equipment to do animation, and it takes too much time. It's too labor intensive .. animation leaves fans waiting a LONG time before you have anything you can show them. I need to be cranking out content steadily to earn my meagre pittance.

Oh, and if my latest get-rich-quick scheme actually starts paying off, I'll certainly pledge a $ or 2 if it means more things like this...

Music is in the $3 tier, and if the pledges keep coming in, it will definitely mean more things like this. If the money doesn't come, then it will mean very few, or NO more things like this. I'm putting a lot of time into Patreon right now, taking a huge chance on the hope that maybe I can make a living doing things I like to do and am good at .. but if the value the community places on my work doesn't add up to a survival wage soon, I'm going to have to give up and get a real job - which means less time for all of this. If that happens I'll try to keep the Ballad updating once a week, but everything else is just gonna have to slide.

>MacBrock: Calmly put the Prince's mind at ease by explaining that the army, taking into consideration the "necessary" stops, will make its way and reach the city in as few as eight more meals.
>Adler: Be aghast to find out that the army measures distance and time in how many meals go by.

"DINNAE WORRY YER WEE HAID," the badger rumbled. "WE'LL MAKE THE TOP O' YONDER HILL BY TEATIME. SUPPER AN' EVENIN' SNACK WILL SEE US TAE THE SCRYIN' TOWERS. BY MY RECKONIN' WE'LL ARRIVE AT THE CITY WALLS WELL WI'IN EIGHT MEALS."

"Eight MEALS?" I asked, aghast.

"AYE, AN' NECESSARY STOPS," he explained. "TWA DAYS WI' AMPLE PROVISIONS. FOUR DAYS WI'OOT. TIME TAE FORAGE, Y'KEN."

"But we're right outside the Capital precinct!" I protested. "You already said you had seen the defenders!"

"AYE, AN' THA'S WHY I SAID OONLY EIGHT, DUE TAE PROXIMITY. THOUGH, MIND, IF THERE BE ANY MELEE THEN I CANNA HOLD TAE THESE CALCULATIONS."

>Your army needs large amount of victuals. Time to pull some favors, think who owes you big time?
>Realize that it's you instead who has always been depending on the kindness of strangers.
>Decide that your army will be supplied from larders of the Royal kitchen itself. Tricking them will be funny and make for a great story to tell. It's the elven way!
>Thomson: receive orders from the sisterhood. They don't want you to use mind control, but his mojo is dangerous and could be used against them. They want you to cripple his ability to use wiles... As well as remove his ability to perform above-standard venery.
>Burnside: Finally get untangled and latch onto the prince
>Adler: You really need to concentrate and plan now. You are closing to your greatest challenge yet ! Everything will hinge on your ability to plot fast and execute, on your natural leadership, cunning and tact...., just keep on going encouter whatever ridiculous random obstacles an will pop out of nowhere and trust in Fuma's luck, by some contrieved series of events you have only maginal control of to bungle your way to victory

This was a perplexing development! Where was I going to secure enough food to feed this gang of greedy-guts EIGHT meals? It had been ordeal enough just putting together a single stew! I mentally ran through a list of elves who might owe me large favors, and quickly realized that it was usually I who coasted along on others' generosity. BLAST! Then again, perhaps it would be better to plunge blindly forward and trust to Fuma's luck. Things did seem to have worked out so far - although the experience had not been what I could call entirely pleasant.

"Anythang I can help you with?" Burnside giggled as she wrapped her arms around me. "I got myself all untangled and I'm ready to serve."

"I need to figure out a way to feed this army," I muttered.

"Anythang in yer britches I can help you with?" Burnside clarified, with a throaty chuckle.

"That's not really useful right now," I fretted.

>So anyway where did your army get all this bread when they didn't have anyting to do stew a few moments earlier ?

"Sez you," Burnside scoffed. "I say it'd be plenty useful. Might help you relax, clear your head, because what in tarnation you worryin' about? Looks to me like they got plenty of vittles."

She had a point. An hour ago, this rabble had barely enough to scrape together a stew, and now here they were munching on what looked like very fine rye.

"Where did you get the bread for these sandwiches?" I asked.



"YON BONNY BAKER'S MAID, YON," MacBrock mumbled, jerking his thumb towards a suspiciously familiar-looking salesfloozy standing with a bread tray in front of a vendor's booth beside the road.

>Thomson: Wait... No more venery?... This will not stand. Warn the prince at once!

Before I could react to this revelation, Ms. Thomson urgently grabbed my shoulder.

"Dire news, Your Highness!" she gasped. "The Sisterhood is now officially ruing Mavis and Sheila na Gig's decision to teach you Wiles. They are invested in your success but consider your autonomy a liability."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked. "I'm pretty sure I already knew it, based on your previous behavior."

"Yeah, go on, Hooves," Burnside sneered. "Quit buggin' my liege lord."

"I'm sorry, Sire," Thomson sighed. "I acted thus because my orders coincided with my personal desires .. but now they are calling for .. your emasculation."

"Do wha??" I asked, seeking further clarification.

"They have decided it would be safest to remove your ability to perform Wiles, and with it, the possibility of performing exceptional venery. They think thus to make you tractable as well as to protect their agents from possibly falling under your influence. BUT .. this is an affront to Fuma as well as a deplorable loss to all femmekind."

"I won't stand for it neither," Burnside chimed in. "You and me is right together on this'un, sis."

A poor unfortunate stranger (p.u.s.), come across the army.
P.u.s., actually be more important than you appear.
Spy, secretly pass information to your superiors.
A Hippy Nude Deer, please finally appear.

Our conversation was interrupted by one of my soldiers, tugging a naked deer by the arm.

"We found this fellow wandering around among the troops, bumming bites of sandwiches," the soldier announced.

"Why bring him to me?" I asked with perplexity. "And where are his clothes?"

"He didn't have any that I know of, sir."

"Clothes are just a tool of the Establishment, man," the deer wheezed in between puffs from a strangely-shaped pipeweed stick he carried in one hoof. "So, is this like, your camp? How many guys you got here? Must be a lot, man. Must be a lotta sandwiches, man. How many sandwiches? When do the patrols run and how many, man? You gotta have like, lots of patrols, man. Are you guys like, marching soon? When are you gonna advance, man? You gotta advance sometime, man, and it's gotta be like, soon.."