The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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Spoiler

>Percy, Fifi, Scutis, Duchess: Stop having your actions depicted in the story for now.

(Burnside) Attempt to free yourself. Get tangled up even more.
>Burnside: Offer to make everyone barbecue again.
> Everyone: Panic.
Burnside: Chomp your way out of the knots
Burnside: Grumble loudly about your cooking skills being unappreciated.

"DOGGONNIT," Burnside snarled as she tried to gnaw through her entangling ropes. "Git me outta this and I'll whip up a batch o' delicious barbecue quick as ya please."

"NOOOO!" the Army yelled in unison. "Leave her tied up, for the love of Fuma!"

"Yall just a buncha dang ingrates," the raccoon femme bellowed.

(Brother Matthias) Ponder the next steps.
(Brother Matthias) Take out a special quill and a bottle of special ink.
(Brother Matthias) Take out a volume of that sacred Mephitist work, "Aye & Ken," to see what the prophets advise in the situation. Apply ink to certain marked, sacred sections that only appear blank.
(Aye & Ken text) Be somewhat vague.
Brother Matthias, better go field-cleanse Adler, just to be sure

"We have a wise priest among us," I proclaimed, turning to Brother Matthias. "What would you suggest, o reverend one?"

"Hmmm, I'm in a bit of a quandary," the monk muttered. "Perhaps I should consult the oracle for advice."



He produced a floppy codex from his Elfintory, and began scribbling in it with a pale, stubby quill.

"What in Fuma's name are you doing?" I asked him.

"Hudalaleigh!" Estvan cackled. "Sure an' isn't that one o' those Aye & Ken books? Do they even still make them at all, at all?"

"Of course," Brother Matthias grunted, still scribbling furiously. "The Lower Athafon Chapel keeps a supply of them, ordered directly from Eel Publications."

"Well what does the mighty oracle say then?" Estvan asked.

"Outlook hazy," Matthias read aloud. "Try again later. Well, that's not very helpful. Perhaps I should field-cleanse his Highness anyway, just to make sure there are no Unseelie influences at work here."

"I feel fine," I declared. "Let's focus on the problem of provisions for this army."

(Estvan Silverbrush) Feel peckish, and dip into your fursonal stash of snacks.
(Army) Notice the old grey fox eating, and demand a portion.
(Estvan Silverbrush) Demonstrate how the army is to deal
Estvan> personal stash of snacks
Army> beg for food
Adler: Tell your army to just loot and pillage everywhere that could have the food and alcohol they would need during their journey

"You know, back in Irenaeus' day," Estvan declared between bites as he munched a large turkey leg. "The army'd plunder as it went, takin' what was needed and leavin' the land despoiled in its wake."

"That's hardly Seelie," Matthias objected.

"Sometimes, me boyo, tis most important to produce results, an' worry about Seeliness afterward."

"HEY!" MacBroc exclaimed. "WHERE'D YE GET THA JUICY LEG, LADDIE?"

"Laddie?" Estvan repeated, with great umbrage. "I ask you, is that any way to address yer elders an' betters? But since ye asked, this lovely morsel is from me own pretty cache, a fine tradition handed down from me ancient feral ancestors."

"HE'S GOT FOOD IN HIS ELFINTORY!" the badger exclaimed. "PILLAGE HIM!"

Adler> Gather volunteers to go hunting/foraging
Army> Raid destination for supplies
>Army: Plan a raid on local garrison/orchard.
Peach spiders, lurk.

"Wait, wait!" I yelled. "Let's not fight amongst ourselves! Save your aggression for Albric Tor! Estvan, what food do you have on you?"

"Sure an' ye'd not rob an old fox o' his vittles cache?" Estvan exclaimed with a shocked expression. "Tisn't done, boyo."

"What have you got?" I insisted. "If we get a cauldron set up, anything we can scrounge up I can use to make stew."

"Oho, why didn't ye say so sooner?" Estvan chuckled. "For a famous stew, sure an' I can spare some cold shoulder o' mutton and some potatoes."

"Right. You lot, find a cauldron in the supply wagon and set up a cook fire. The rest of you, spread out and forage for edibles. I'll also need water enough to fill the cauldron halfway. Brother Matthias, did you mention a Lower Athafon Chapel just now?"

"I, er, did I?" the monk waffled.

"If you come across the Chapel, plunder it," I instructed my troops.

"HEY NOW, wait, wait," Matthias protested. "You say you're on a mission from Fuma to correct the Mistake, right?"

"I am," I confirmed. "Elves do not lie."

"Very well. Some of you come with me. I'll open the root cellar, and you may also pick peaches from the Chapel orchard."

"ERRGH, WHAT IF THERE BE SPIDERS?" MacBrock asked with a shudder.

Adler: Whip up an amazing stew using your Stew-Fu skills.

Water was fetched forthwith, and a fire stoked, and I began simmering Estvan's meat and potatoes while we waited for the foraging teams to return.