The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

>Goodness gracious! That barbecue
(Burnside) Wonder if you should have made sides of fried green tomatoes to go with the BBQ.
Some of the recovering soldiers, eat Burnside's cooking.
Burnside, proudly inform them of just what they are eating.

"Ach, tis a right fine feed ye've put on, lassie," MacBrock chuckled as he licked his chops and selected another juicy morsel from Burnside's platter of barbecue.

"I'm just tickled you like it," the raccoon beamed. "I would've fixed some fried green tomaters to go with it, but I figured there wasn't time, what with the war and all, and y'all was lookin' so tired and listless."

"Well these dainty morsels ha' put the life back intae us, nae doubt," the badger enthused between bites. "Tis delicious! What exactly is this? I've never tasted its like before."

"Oh, just some charbroiled possum lumps I found in that clearing yonder," Burnside admitted with a shrug.

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Spoiler

Meanwhile, in the Capital:

Marshal, receive their report.

"I delivered thy report but the Marshal did not believe me," the Ixie stated. "He gave me an even dirtier look than usual, and declared it was preposterous."

"Ach, tis ein shame he does not trust der likes of you," SALV Chesswick sighed. "But, zen again, perhaps he is vize to be zo cautious."

"He wants to see for himself, firsthand, whatever intelligence thou hast of Adler and his rebel army's activities."

"Very vell. Ve shall prepare to receive him. In der meantime, can you deliver ein message to our agent on der scene?"

"Our network can get it to her in short order," the Ixie affirmed.

"Tell her she has full authorization to help der Scuti to take possession of Prince Adler."

"Is that really a wise step to take, Auntie?" SALV Silverbrush inquired.

"Ve must hedge our bets, liebchen," Alberta replied. "Trust in Der Plan."

In the bushes, not far from the Diplomatic Outpost:

>Adler: Discover that the lesson is less about leadership and more about female anatomy, particularly hers.
>Thomson: Now that the two of you are alone ... whisper ... Mavis
>And thus Ms. Thomson transforms
> Lessons: begin.
(HSH Prince Adler) Learn some pretty amazing things about yourself.

Ms. Thomson sighed and snuggled up against me.

"I thought I was going to teach you something," she purred. "But instead it's you who have taught me. I have heard stories of your illustrious mother's prowess, but surely she did not train you in the Sisterhood's arts?"

"No, I learned it from Sheila Na Gig," I admitted.

"Oh. Well no wonder you were so amazing," Thomson exclaimed, wide-eyed. "You certainly have all the talent you need to take command of your troops and lead them to victory."

"How exactly will my skills at Wiles and venery help me lead an army?" I asked.

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Spoiler

Meanwhile, next to the Diplomatic Outpost:

(Ixies, multiple) Flit about here and there

"Look out, Sire," Alice Chetsweeks snarled as she pointed at a fast-flitting object. "There flies one of those accursed Ixies, doubtless of the same wicked tribe that bombed our caravan and killed Mara and my friend-mate."

"I have a switch here labeled Basilisk Stare," Griff croaked. "Once I get the deplorable beast in my sights, I'll -"

Griff, have another breakdown.

"Confound this broken-down contraption!" Griff squawked angrily as his right eyeball shattered with a pop, a tinkle of broken glass, and a hiss of vapors escaping. "I demand a proper body! Where is Prince Adler?"

"He and his floozy stole off in that direction," Alice pointed.

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Spoiler

A few seconds later, inside the Diplomatic Outpost:

(SALV Fofox) Vengeance shall be yours!
(News) From the Capital. Arrive.
Fifi, receive some new orders.

"I have been sent to relay some new orders to thee from Ambassador Chesswick," the Ixie reported.

"Okay, so like, lay it on me," SALV Fofox replied.

"Um, it was something about giving thee full authorization to take possession of Prince Adler."

"Finally!" Fifi chuckled. "At last, the gloves - and, like a lot of other stuff - can come off."

(Alice) Ignore the old rule about "if the ant cart's rockin'"
The two, continue watching Adler and his gang.
Vomit session, commence.
Burnside, feel insulted.

"Should we really bother the Prince if he is engaged in venery?" Alice asked as the two Scuti ambled innocently around the building.

"It will be the best time to catch him with his guard down," Griff responded pragmatically.

"Good point," Alice concurred.



"Oh my," Alice continued as she beheld the spectacle of the Volunteer Army vomiting on the grass.

"Y'ALL IS TOO DURN PICKY!" Burnside yelled indignantly somewhere behind the regurgitating throng.

"This gaggle of silk-stomached weaklings desperately needs my strong command," Griff declared. "Let's waste no more time."

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Spoiler

Back in the Capital:

Marshal, supervise the next scrying session yourself. Come the an even more bizarre conclusion. Order that action of some kind be taken immediately.

"Excellent work," Theronmyathus rasped as he looked into the scrying orb and beheld the vomiting troops. "This will help to weaken the rebels' resolve and delay their advance. We have time now to strengthen our Shrub patrols along the approaches to Albric Tor. Keep up your sabotage work, and we may not even have to fight them at all. This untrained rabble is not used to the hardships of a campaign. If we play this right, they'll give up long before they come within sight of our walls."

"Never, um, never doubt Der Plan, Herr Marshall," SALV Chesswick replied nervously.