RE: Energy Drinks Thread
07-05-2017, 06:50 AM
Lord help me for I am back on my Rufous Bull Shit with your favorite Desultory Drink Review Thread
ILL-ADVISED ENERGY DRINK REVIEWS 
(as always, the scale ranges from 0 to 10, with 10 being THE DEFINITIVE ENERGY DRINK EXPERIENCE)
Today I'll be disappointing everyone, myself included, with MΦNSTER Energy THE DOCTOR
![[Image: 290635011_0_640x640.jpg?identifier=cf668...d6b8ade14f]](https://groceries.morrisons.com/productImages/290/290635011_0_640x640.jpg?identifier=cf668d5e463d768a7d3ee1d6b8ade14f)
(I copied the image URL for this and closed the GIS tab four times over before I finally properly pasted it in here instead of ctrl-Ving some other nonsense on the twenty minute saga to write up to this point of the review.)
I dunno about all you fine less-caffeinated readers out there, but I've been sitting at my desk for six hours trying to get through grading of forty first-year students' speeches. My sheer petty outputoutedness (like outrage, but more in line with my comfortable emotional range) at being asked to give comments when "practice the damn thing next time so you're not reading word-by-word off your script and losing points for Eye Contact and Fluency" would have sufficed for 90% of students was making focusing for any duration Many Sorts Of Hell. (For a taster of how I was doing this morning, try parsing the previous sentence. It'S garbage. I just managed to slam the hotkeys for "Inspect Element and Google Chrome told me "Schaz this Element is not a part of a balanced and productive work day." I told Google Chrome to shut up and fat-fingered my way to the Options page instead.)
Score breakdown
Taste (3): Shitty shit shitrus garbage. Designed by a race car driver, or perhaps modelled after his adrenaline-laced racingtime perspiration. Not bad enough to avoid plunging into the Unforgettable Geological Feature Of Who Gives A Fuck Actually. 1 point.
Productivity (2): This morning, I needed about four passes to actually get through a 90-degrees-off-upright video and make comments in each category. With THE DOCTOR's ministrations I'm able to get through each speech with only two views, and I managed to write all that bullshit up top. Handwriting on comments is not appreciably worse than it was in the morning, which is a moot point cuz Stand-of-Fish-Sensei is not going to bother criticizing me for my abysmal penmanship at this stage of my soon-to-be-concluded job. 2 points.
Other senses (3): I was initially drawn to this thing for the packaging, thinking it was some kind of Nintendo-ish collab. I presumably got to thinking The Doctor was Doctor Mario? ????? Whatever essence of Notable Racecar Man went into this thing, the actual Good Shit clearly went into the guy's logo suite. I guess it's like this stuff will keep you up all day and night??????
The yellow "background" of the can is textured like a lemon peel if all its pits were inverted, which flavorwise makes a fucked up amount of sense actually. The untextured "normal" parts of the can are almost offensively smooth in comparison. Trying it out in both hands I think this is a can for right-handed people who drink stuff with their off-hand, it feels nicer in my left hand? Smdh. 2 points.
Volume (2): Yyyes? On a quantity-to-quality-of-experience ratio though I think my students' speeches still win in this category. 2 points.
Total Points and General Comments: It's half an hour from socially-frowned-upon Official Qutting Time and forty-five minutes from Sohcially Hacceptable Hollying Hout Hour (the h's are silent). I don't give enough of a shit about this beverage to to dedicate commentary to it, but apparently give enough to give a commentary about the value of doing commentary for it.
I still have a bottle of V Quicksilver in the fridge, hopefully I can feed that to Mirdini this coming week
Final score: 7/10
ILL-ADVISED ENERGY DRINK REVIEWS (as always, the scale ranges from 0 to 10, with 10 being THE DEFINITIVE ENERGY DRINK EXPERIENCE)
Today I'll be disappointing everyone, myself included, with MΦNSTER Energy THE DOCTOR
(I copied the image URL for this and closed the GIS tab four times over before I finally properly pasted it in here instead of ctrl-Ving some other nonsense on the twenty minute saga to write up to this point of the review.)
I dunno about all you fine less-caffeinated readers out there, but I've been sitting at my desk for six hours trying to get through grading of forty first-year students' speeches. My sheer petty outputoutedness (like outrage, but more in line with my comfortable emotional range) at being asked to give comments when "practice the damn thing next time so you're not reading word-by-word off your script and losing points for Eye Contact and Fluency" would have sufficed for 90% of students was making focusing for any duration Many Sorts Of Hell. (For a taster of how I was doing this morning, try parsing the previous sentence. It'S garbage. I just managed to slam the hotkeys for "Inspect Element and Google Chrome told me "Schaz this Element is not a part of a balanced and productive work day." I told Google Chrome to shut up and fat-fingered my way to the Options page instead.)
Score breakdown
Taste (3): Shitty shit shitrus garbage. Designed by a race car driver, or perhaps modelled after his adrenaline-laced racingtime perspiration. Not bad enough to avoid plunging into the Unforgettable Geological Feature Of Who Gives A Fuck Actually. 1 point.
Productivity (2): This morning, I needed about four passes to actually get through a 90-degrees-off-upright video and make comments in each category. With THE DOCTOR's ministrations I'm able to get through each speech with only two views, and I managed to write all that bullshit up top. Handwriting on comments is not appreciably worse than it was in the morning, which is a moot point cuz Stand-of-Fish-Sensei is not going to bother criticizing me for my abysmal penmanship at this stage of my soon-to-be-concluded job. 2 points.
Other senses (3): I was initially drawn to this thing for the packaging, thinking it was some kind of Nintendo-ish collab. I presumably got to thinking The Doctor was Doctor Mario? ????? Whatever essence of Notable Racecar Man went into this thing, the actual Good Shit clearly went into the guy's logo suite. I guess it's like this stuff will keep you up all day and night??????
The yellow "background" of the can is textured like a lemon peel if all its pits were inverted, which flavorwise makes a fucked up amount of sense actually. The untextured "normal" parts of the can are almost offensively smooth in comparison. Trying it out in both hands I think this is a can for right-handed people who drink stuff with their off-hand, it feels nicer in my left hand? Smdh. 2 points.
Volume (2): Yyyes? On a quantity-to-quality-of-experience ratio though I think my students' speeches still win in this category. 2 points.
Total Points and General Comments: It's half an hour from socially-frowned-upon Official Qutting Time and forty-five minutes from Sohcially Hacceptable Hollying Hout Hour (the h's are silent). I don't give enough of a shit about this beverage to to dedicate commentary to it, but apparently give enough to give a commentary about the value of doing commentary for it.
I still have a bottle of V Quicksilver in the fridge, hopefully I can feed that to Mirdini this coming week
Final score: 7/10
peace to the unsung peace to the martyrs | i'm johnny rotten appleseed
clouds is shaky love | broke as hell but i got a bunch of ringtones
eyes blood red bruise aubergine | Sue took something now Sue doesn't sleep | saint average, day in the life of
woke up in the noon smelling doom and death | out the house, great outdoors
staying warm in arctic blizzard | that's my battle 'til I get inanimate | still up in the same clothes living like a gameshow
clouds is shaky love | broke as hell but i got a bunch of ringtones
eyes blood red bruise aubergine | Sue took something now Sue doesn't sleep | saint average, day in the life of
woke up in the noon smelling doom and death | out the house, great outdoors
staying warm in arctic blizzard | that's my battle 'til I get inanimate | still up in the same clothes living like a gameshow