The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

>Adler, How long have you been dragged around on strings in accordance to the whims of others?Too long. Time to do what everyone else has been doing: hatch a plot. Be secretive, pretend to be compliant. Assess who your real allies are, who is loyal only to you. When all is said and done, you'll be sitting on top, and no one, not the duchess, the queen, the vulpitinians, the scutis, the sisterhood, nor anyone else will have a say in your grand machinations. Your true destiny begins now.
>On one hand giving yourself up now would stop this from escalating, and Estemere would probably forgive you. On the other your continued existence would stil be a threat to throne so even if your brother didn't wish harm on you, Queen Edessa would take it on herself to remove you from the picture permanently.
> Running away and hiding until this blows over could be an option, but it wouldn't be very dignified and in any case Sisterhood would keep seeking you out which would be a big hassle.
Burnside Trick. Involve carrots and a laundry basket

As I tried to pry Burnside off of me, I began to think seriously about my situation.

"Hey, c'mon," she protested. "Give me some carrots and a laundry basket and I'll show you something real interesting."

I ignored her. I thought about all the parties vying for power in this situation: Vulpitania, the Antglade, the Sisterhood, F.E.L.F., the Imperial Army .. Surely this was not the great destiny ordained by my noble lineage, nor even the one the Sisterhood had groomed me for, to be a mere unwitting tool for greater powers behind the scenes. I was a scion of Irenaeus! I was fated to rule! And now, at last, I had an army at my command! An inexperienced and undisciplined army, but still a fighting force nonetheless. I could count on their loyalty - at least for now - and deeds of valor combined with victory would surely seal their undying devotion.

What were my strategic options? Surrender did not seem to be a viable choice now that events were irretrievably set in motion. Estmere would be safe if I surrendered, but for how long now that open rebellion had broken out? And with Faerie itself deteriorating around him? As for me, my brother might forgive my involvement in all of this if I explained it to him, but Queen Edessa was out for my blood .. as would be the majority of my current allies if I betrayed the revolution. No, there was no choice but to see this through to its conclusion. Hopefully that would entail Estmere's exile to a safe location .. but it definitely would have to end with me on the throne.

Whose support could I count on, and who were my enemies? It was easy to see that all of my allies were merely provisional, and their position would change when the situation changed. Did Vulpitania support my rebellion or were they invested in the sham of an Empire that their agents had created? It would bear further investigation to find out.

The Duchess of Daisies would back me only as long as I advanced her goals (or at least appeared to do so.) At the least she wanted the Antglade embargo lifted; at the most she wanted to be Empress. It would probably be unwise to grant either of those boons, but her assistance in the conflict would be invaluable. I would have to string her along.

The Sisterhood wanted me to take the crown, marry the missing changeling Zandar Skonk, re-found the Irenaeid Dynasty, and correct the Mistake (the nature of which still had not been adequately explained.) While I did not necessarily disagree with any of these goals, I resented the way they had manipulated me into this position - and of course they would want to remain in power, insidiously pulling the strings of the Empire from the shadows. Additionally, I recalled their assurances that bloodshed would not be necessary, which was clearly turning out to be false. I would have to take what help they could give me, and then turn on them once my own position was secure.

What about F.E.L.F.? From what little I knew about them, they desired an end to the Empire and a return to the primitive chaos of the Long Ago. They would probably support my rebellion during its initial destructive phase, and then turn against me once I became the new Emperor. Ah well, the conflict would bring them out of hiding and into the light. Once I gained control of the Royal & Imperial Army then I could flush out the ragged remnants of F.E.L.F. and destroy them.

>Adler: Unleash your own maniacal cackle that puts the duchess' to shame. Everyone stare.

Lost in thought, I let out an unintentionally sinister chuckle.

"Whoah," Duchess Catherine exclaimed. "You feelin' all right, Adler honey?"

"What an elf!" Burnside tittered excitedly. "I knew you had an Unseelie side to you! Wait here and I'll be right back. Where the carrots at?"

"Well anyway," the Duchess continued. "My boys done got the chest unlocked, and it seems you're in the right mood to look at this." She lifted the lid of the chest and rummaged around in it for a few seconds.

Box, do not contain the object the Duchess thinks it does.
Duchess's son-nephews, be in a lot of trouble.
>Son-nephews .. the box contains Irenaeus old gear set, the harness of Irenaeus, the barbaric pants of Irenaeus

"WHAT IN THE NETHERHELLS IS THIS?" Duchess Catherine growled at her son-nephews as she held up a grimy, darkly stained scrap of linen.

"Um, that there, Aunt-Mama, is one of Baby Irenaeus' dirty nappies," Matholwch stammered. "It's a right powerful relic rescued from the Birthplace Shrine. Family heirloom too, I reckon."

"How in the name of Fuma's Musk are we supposed to win a war with a box o' filthy ol' diapers and baby clothes?" the Duchess snarled. "You dad-gum idiots! You was supposed to fetch the War Chest!"

"Ain't this it?" Matholwch whined while Bodb drooled apologetically.

"No, it ain't!" the Duchess barked. "Now git back and fetch the right one! It's behind the casks at the P.I. plant, with a yaller skull painted on the side of it. And so help me, if you knuckleheads screw up again ..." She left the threat unfinished as the Boy Dukes scurried away and tumbled into the john-boat.

Adler's Army (AA), feast as if it's the last thing you were going to do. Get drunk.
Bard, start singing poems about Adler's supposed heroics. As well as atrocities, apparently without noticing any difference between the two.
Fifi, come out to complain about the noise. Army's response: "Floozie!"
>the usquebaugh is just usquebaugh to wash the ham down... maybe a splash of Persoc-Itoome in it too.

There was a slight scuffle, as my army insisted on unloading the rest of the ham and usquebaugh before permitting the two skunks to row away. Their morale seemed to improve as the jugs were passed around, and I heard fragments of a rousing song which seemed to express the hopes that my upcoming military career would include such bold deeds as burning down maidens and ravishing entire villages.

"Like, what's all the ruckus?" SALV Fofox asked as she stepped out onto the porch.

"Vulpitanian methods of subduing prisoners are unorthodox," Ms. Thomson informed me, as she emerged from the building right behind Fifi. "But I can't say I entirely disapprove. The lowfolk maiden is sleeping soundly and should not give the Duchess's collection team any trouble."



Any further remarks were cut off by a resounding cry of "FLOOZIES!!" from the army.

"Oh, like hi fellas," Fifi giggled as she waved at the assembled troops.

"Careful," Thomson advised. "This situation is hard to read. They are drunk and glutted on ham, but it looks like they are also somehow infused with Persockity Vitality."

Before Ms. Thomson could elaborate on her observations, everyone's attention was diverted by a loud explosion from the other side of the building. We all ran around to the front of the Station, where we saw a large cloud of smoke and dust rising in the woods about two bowshots from us. Several trees had fallen and were lying across the clearing that constituted the Station's lawn.



Alice Chetsweeks staggered forth out of the cloud, cradling a white Scuti in her arms.

"Ambushed by Ixies," she declared angrily as she trudged across the lawn towards the building. "If I find out who ordered the attack, the consequences for that person will be DIRE; that I can promise you. They've killed Mara, and my friend-mate, and the rat, and they very nearly exterminated Scuti Pr-.. Preston. He is called Preston. Your Grace the Duchess! Do you have any more of those automata, a functioning one which Scuti Preston may use?"