The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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Spoiler

Author: What does your announcement mean for the future of the ballad?

Nothing whatsoever.

>Don't let this opportunity go to waste.
Percy > wake up with burnside .. hearing her say "mmm tastey meat" ... this ones unseele!
Burnside, make several comments towards Percy
Adler, be shocked by the realization just how unseelie Burnside really is. Be forced explaining to her that murdering your lowfolk foster family is NOT a requirement to achieve full elf status.
Percy, wake up.

"How about taking just a couple pieces of him then?" Burnside asked, licking her chops and pulling a meat cleaver out of her Elfintory. "I'd sure like a wing and a thigh, and then you won't have to worry about him following you anymore."

"BAWK!" Percy exclaimed nervously as he regained consciousness.

"No!" I remonstrated. "Leave that poor bird alone! For Fuma's sake, what makes you so bloodthirsty?"

"Pff, don't pretend like you're better than me," Burnside scoffed. "We all had to slaughter our lowfolk families to get back to Faerie. That's what being an Elf is all about."

"BAWK?!?!" Percy squawked.

"I wasn't even raised by lowfolk," I protested with some alarm. "And I don't think that's what being an Elf is all about. Is it? Are you saying that .. Changelings kill their foster parents?"

"And siblings," Burnside added.

"Aw man, was I supposed to do that?" SALV Fofox groaned. "Nobody, like, tells me anything!"

"Lowfolk slaughter is not standard procedure for returning Changelings," Thomson informed us. "Though it has sometimes been regarded as a rite of passage among certain Unseelie tribes."

Burnside > Try puppy dog eyes on Adler.
Puppy dog eyes > Work about as well as they did with Duchess Catherine.

"Aw c'mon Prince Adler, let me just carve out his giblets; he won't even miss 'em," Burnside wheedled, holding a pair of limpid eyeballs in front of her face. "Pretty please?"

"Puppy Dog Eyes!?" I choked, flinching away in disgust. "Why do you Antgladers think that's an effective method of persuasion?"

"You don't like them?" the raccoon pouted. "They're really good with a pinch of parsley."

"Get away from me," I growled. "Go stand over there."

"You're no fun," she grumbled.

>Tell the rabbits that Percy is "The Great Deceiver", or something, and should be locked up.
Be interrogated by Adler about your constant encounters. Be confused, since you thought that Adler was following you.

"Percy le Gobelet!" I shouted at the quivering bird. "Why do you keep following me around, and more importantly, HOW are you doing it?"

"I follow you?" he protested. "You're the one following me! Every time I find a Faerie Gate, you show up and mistreat me! I think you're the most Unseelie of all! But sooner or later, 'Prince Adler,' I'll learn your true name."

"Rabbit folk!" I yelled to the congregation. "This interloper has probably deceived you. You should take him back to your village and deal with him harshly!"

"Thou dost not command us, foul Breaker of Ill Winds!" the priest called uncertainly while the congregation cowered behind her (him?).

"Do you want me to bless your crops or not?" I asked.

"PLEASE DON'T!" the rabbits begged in unison.

"Unless you remove this avian stranger and bring the produce I requested," Thomson declared imperiously, "I shall authorize the Breaker to break his illest wind all over your fields and meadows. And if you don't hurry, I'll think of a job for the Frost-Biter too. Or would you rather deal with the Ring Tailed Demon over there?"

"Thou has heard!" the priest screeched. "The Horned One has spoken! It is not ours to question!"

A few of the burliest rabbits grabbed Percy and hustled him off into the woods while the rest groveled pathetically on the ground.

Adler > Clap your hands and call for your ixie daughters. Tell them in no way are you ever eating lowfolk. (If it was them who talked to the rabbits????)

I suddenly had a thought.

"Ixie of the Ominous Orse! To me!" I broadcast via Elfmind.



"Thou callest, Sire?" an Ixie asked coolly as she perched on my hat.

"Have you been telling these rabbit lowfolk to sacrifice maidens to Ms. Thomson?" I asked.

"We've not told them that specifically, but we have relayed instructions that could be construed .." she dithered.

"In other words, yes," I deduced. "I am not interested in eating or otherwise using lowfolk maidens."

"Thou shouldst broaden thy horizons, Sire," the Ixie sniffed. "At any rate, twas not for thee."

"Then who?"

"I am not at liberty to divulge our clients' names. Suffice it to say that we run errands for numerous parties in this area."

(Deii Ex Machina) In form of Giant Frogs*, suddenly appear, scattering the bunnies.
(Bunnies) Be absolutely terrified of the Giant Frogs.
(Frogs) [RAE-BEET] loudly.

Before I could pursue my line of questioning any further, we were interrupted by frantic yelling from the rabbits, a loud thump, and a resounding "CROAK." I looked up to see the remaining lowfolk scurrying away in all directions from an enormous frog which had leaped in among the standing stones.

"What in the Netherhells?" Thomson started to say.

(Giant Frog) Attempt to eat Thomson. Get suggilated.

The frog shot out its tongue, which stuck to Thomson and began pulling her toward the fell beast!



A moment later, the frog lay unconscious.

"You dare lay your tongue on me?" Thomson exclaimed as she rubbed her arm. "Only scions of the House of Irenaeus are granted that privilege!"

(Burnside) Observe that frogs aren't bad eating.
(Frog Fry) Occur.
obtain the required supplies and move them through the gate first.

"Frogs are mighty good eatin'," Burnside quipped from the sidelines.

"All right," I shrugged. "I guess we can take it -"

Before I could finish speaking, she pulled out her cleaver and fell on the frog with gusto.

"Thou has bested the Green Monster," the rabbit priest yelled over the symphony of gross wet sounds as Burnside butchered the enormous amphibian. She (he?) held up a large wicker basket full of fruit and vegetables. "Take these, our thank offerings."

Burnside wrapped the frog meat in leaves and handed each of us an armload of huge chunks. Thus laden, we passed back through the Gate and back to the Diplomatic Listening Post.



Not long afterward, we were all standing on the back porch of the Post, enjoying some juicy barbecued frog. (All of us except Ms. Thomson, who insisted on salad, and Karen, who soberly informed us that the frog was "not dead enough" for her tastes.)

"Well tan my hide, Adler honey," the Duchess enthused. "This sauce you made is downright heavenly! Well worth the wait, I do declare."

"It is, like, really good, fer sure," Fifi concurred, between bites.

"I thank you kindly for your hospitality," Duchess Catherine continued, licking her fingers. "But it's gettin' late, and Karen and I best be headin' on back. I'll see y'all later!"

She Pooked to her boat. Karen pushed away from the bank, and the craft quietly slipped out of sight among the weeds.

Someone is taking the easter maiden sacrifices however. wait till night fall to see who comes for the maiden.
Let's get to the bottom of this!
Adler's party should wait around to see just what is going on.

"I propose that we return to the Gate and wait to see who comes through it tonight," I announced to the group still munching on the porch. "I want to find out who's been taking sacrificial maidens from those rabbit people."