The 2am thread

I've'm been expressing my anger and frustrations - from the relationship-wrecking to the excruciatingly petty - a lot easier of late, which I guess is an improvement on bottling that shit up and struggling to make my inevitable breakdown sound justified desite of how minor each of its constituent beefs are

The trouble is

I don't feel bad for being a jerk?

I have an acknowledgement of the fact I broke my own personal ethos/rules That Must Be Followed To B A Good Person

But without the capacity to engage in self-loathing I don't actually,emotionally respond to the above fact

It's in the abstract, and without the self-inflicted punishment it's just a game without a lose condition.
I'll keep playing by the rules but I'm "scared" (in the abstract) what will happen if it stops being a worthwhile challenge to me to live this way

If I get bored and move on to something else