The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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Spoiler

>Plot: Advance, pretty please.
Not to be rude, but this please!

"Perhaps you didn't realize this is what has been happening for the past few weeks."

Wolf queen > is excited!
>Adler: Reconsider the unbuttoning shirt plan in desperation.
(Lupine Voice from the Gallery) Immediately offer to act as a second for the mud wrestling.
(Vulpine Voice from the Gallery #1) Immediately offer to the act as a second for the mud wrestling, and hold the defendant's clothes for him.
(Minister Lynne) Point out that the defendant, since he is not a Floozie, is not the one wrestling.

"Hudalaleigh!" the alleged Wolf Queen exclaimed from the gallery. "Sure an' if it's mud wrestlin' I offer meself to act as second for one o' the combatants! The Wolf Queen fights for justice!"

"I'll like, second for Prince Adler," SALV Fofox chimed in. "And like, totally hold his clothes for him."

"The defendant is not a Floozy and will not be a combatant in this test," Minister Lynne pointed out.

I nervously fidgeted with my jacket buttons. Hadn't Ms. Thomson said earlier that pole dancing was her weakness? If Estmere picked that, I might be in serious trouble! Perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea for me to try to distract the opposing Floozy after all .. any advantage I could gain might make the difference!

"Please advise the Prince," Queen Edessa asked Estmere, loudly, "that he must not exert his supposed 'sick Irenaeid mojo' to affect the outcome of this contest."

"Keep your shirt on, Bro," Estmere said with a wink.

Estmere > "POLE DANCING!" Estmere cries and raises his fists with excitement.
>What a silly question, this will be settled with the noble art of pole ... dancing
find out where the Royal Dancing Pole has gone since it was last used in King Sartorius' time.
Combat: Be conducted in traditional attire, i.e. a couple of leather straps and that's about it.

"It's not gonna be mud wrestling anyway, dudes and dudettes," Estmere guffawed. "It's gonna be POLE DANCING all the way! OOOH YEEEAAAAAH!!! You two ladies strip down to your smallclothes, and somebody bring in great-grandpa Sartorius' Royal Dancing Pole! WOOOOO!!"

The crowd in the gallery erupted into wild applause. Ms. Thomson cast a nervous glance at me, and then at Minister Lynne, who shook her head sternly.

"Prosecution goes first," Estmere declared, as the pole was secured in place.

Someone in the gallery began strumming a lute, and someone else joined in on a shawm, and Miss Thompson leaped gracefully onto the pole and began twirling as if gravity had no effect on her. Ms. Thomson shivered and looked suddenly ill.

Adler > inspecting the 8 card you see it lavishly designed with patterns and gold. but theres nothing else but a 8 in the middle of it
(HSH Prince Adler) For the lack of anything to do, look at Fifi Fofox's card.
(Fifi Fofox's card) Be rather dazzling and intricate in your depiction of "8"
Adler, watch in horror as the contest proceeds.
Examine the "8" card just so that you don't have to keep looking at the combatants going against one another.

I couldn't watch this. Desperate for something to divert my attention, I pulled SALV Fofox's card out of my Elfintory. It was elegantly illuminated, but bore no information beyond the number 8 written boldly in the center. I stared at it intently but could not puzzle out its meaning.

Fofox, believe that's another sign that he badly wants you.

"Wow," the vixen murmured behind me. "There's these hot Floozies on the hoof, performing like, totally lascivious dances in front of you, but instead you're staring at my number. Smitten much?"

"Uh, what?" I retorted suavely.

"Sssh, don't spoil the moment," she whispered back.

Miss Thompson spun slowly down the pole and alighted daintily on her hooves. With a smirk at Ms. Thomson, she strutted back to her table and leaned against it. "By my opponent I doubt I'll be bested," she called out smugly. "Let the record state the Prosecution rested."

"Your turn then," Estmere said, gesturing at Thomson.

>Ms Thomson: As it turns out, your collection of weapons are very (un)helpful

She approached the pole slowly, with a sad, lingering look at her collection of weapons on the table. "Wrestling would have been better," she groaned.



The music started, and Thomson grabbed the pole. She took a few running steps and attempted to launch herself into a spin, but somehow one of her horns got hooked on the pole. It made a harsh scraping sound which drowned out the gallery's collective gasp of horror as she twirled around the pole a few times and then collapsed in a tangle on the floor.

"Well, that sucked," Estmere declared. "Is the pole okay? Sounds like she totally scratched the crap out of it."

(King-Judge-Emperor) Receive advice from the Queen

"We have a clear victor!" Edessa declared loudly. "Fuma has chosen, and justice is vindicated! For his crimes, Adler Young deserves the penalty of DEATH!"

"Whoah," Estmere exclaimed, taken aback. "Chill. Seriously, Edessa, babe .. sometimes it's like I don't even know you."

"The trial shows him guilty of treasonous charges," Edessa insisted.

"No, the trial shows that his Floozy can't pole dance worth a damn," Estmere corrected. "It doesn't prove anything else. I chose Trial by Floozy because I was getting bored and wanted to wrap this up."

"And according to the rules of Trial by Floozy, Adler has been found guilty," the Queen hissed.

"Oh. Bummer. Sorry Bro, I guess I effed that one up," Estmere retorted gloomily. "Wait a sec, isn't there some rule where, like, you can't sentence a royal dude to death?"

>Fuma's gift of luck: Tips the scales at a critical moment
>Somethign about he 'Mistake': be mentioned

"That is a rule except in cases of treason," Minister Lynne interjected. "However, it has not been formally established that the charges against the defendant were treasonous in nature. Even if they were, Your Majesty has the option of imposing prison time or exile instead of a capital sentence. Once imposed, the death sentence obviously cannot be revoked. In order to prevent a dreadful Mistake, Sire, it were best not to act rashly in this matter."

"See there?" Estmere quipped. "That's why she's the Chief Minister. Is there someplace my lil' Bro can go where he will be out of harm's way until like, the SALVs are done with their deal and all of this has blown over?"

"The Antglade Diplomatic Listening Post is, at present, unstaffed," the Minister replied.

the best punishment for him is to be extradited to Vulpitania - Let the Vulps' legal system handle him

"Nein!" a voice rang out from the gallery. "Zis dastardly criminal must not be shunted off into zum remote sinecure! Zis is tantamount to revardink him for his zinister actions against Vulpitanian national interests! He must be extradited to Vulpitania to schtand trial!"

"Yeah right," Estmere scoffed. "You must think I'm pretty dumb to fall for that one, but I know Vulpitania totally doesn't have its own judicial system. Yeah, I studied Statecraft! Eat it!! Oh, and also, order."

"I have no objection to posting him on the Antglade border," Edessa mused. "No, as far as I know, there's no problem with that. The survival rate of border agents is very low."

Estmere > suspend adler as hand temporary and order him to "vacation". Think the stress of the job is to blame for adlers vandalism, order him also to not to come back until hes unstressed.
Estmere > tell adler its ether that or "Dungeon time bro!"
Lynne & o'Doe > be relived of court outcome and assign a floozie to accompany adler on vacation. she will have the power to say yay or nay if adler can return.
I really want to see Adler lose horribly and be sentenced to to a very unpleasant (but obviously not capital or permanent) punishment.

"Whatevs," Estmere shrugged. "Okay, Bro. I don't know why you did the stuff and got yourself in trouble, but I'm thinkin' you look pretty stressed. So I am sending you to chill for a while at the Antglade border thingy. I think this means you'll be, like some kind of agent, so I will have to like revoke your appointment as Hand of the King. Turn in your regalia to the bailiff on your way out. Don't give me that look, dude, it's either this or dungeon time, and I don't think you want that. Say hi to Duchess O'Daisies for me, she seemed really nice when we met - oh, and if you can get ahold of some Persoc-Itoome, send me a couple of bottles, all right?"



"He will need a Supervising Floozy to accompany him and make sure he stays on his best behavior," Minister Lynne declared. "I recommend Ms. Thomson for this task."

"The one who failed to defend him?" Edessa exclaimed. "You cannot be suggesting that we send this incompetent to watch over an elf who is patently a dangerous enemy of the Empire?"

"Babe, chill," Estmere chided. "Thomson is a good Floozy. Terrible dancer, sure, but aside from that, she's cool."

"I shall do my best to atone for my failure this day," Thomson sighed gloomily.

"Ooh, ooh," SALV Fofox interjected, waving her hand. "Since there's like, SOO much Vulpitanian interest in the Prince, I mean like, his CASE - there's gotta be a SALV along as an, um adjunct? Adjutant? Adjective? Something like that. I volunteer to like, represent the Republic, or whatever."

"HUSSY!" a voice called from across the room.

"Sorry, SALV, I already totally called it," Fifi smirked. "Snooze you lose."