The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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Anyway could you've used magic in the past to become and Ixie or,a fish, why not use it to alter your apparence and/or disguise yourself ?

Oh for Fuma's sake! I keep forgetting I can do that.

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Hang on for TEXT-HEAVY UPDATE today.

>Wait? She wants you to wait? BAH! You are an Elf of ACTION that waits for nothing!
(Mara) Express quite vividly why you don't want the Diagnostic Pseduo-Scuti to be used.

"Wait?" I demanded. "Why wait? I need to get this contraption up and running as soon as possible."

"The probe shoves everything around," Mara explained. "So the control port has to be re-adjusted to fit. Plus it makes everything taste funny for DAYS. This is what she's told me."

Mara > Get alice out the jar and start hugging and kissing her "I've missed you! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!"
(HRH Prince Adler) Listen impatiently to Mara's talk, and use the Diagnostic Pseduo-Scuti.

"There's my widdle fluffy-wuffykins," Mara squealed, spotting the fox-scuti inside its jar. She quickly unscrewed the lid and pulled out the bushy orange creature, stroking it and nuzzling its fur. "Are you okay, sweetie? Did they treat you all right? I've missed you so ..."

"AHEM," I interrupted. "I still need to get this automaton functioning, and I'd be willing to wager that the slight inconvenience of an ill-fitting, bad-tasting control socket will be outweighed by the major inconvenience of not having a body."

"Let me try something first," Mara insisted. "I know how to turn her on."

The opossum knelt and stuck her finger in the vixen's ear. Nothing happened.

"Okay, use the probe," she sighed.

Vixen Automation > Go Bing!
plug that sucker and watch the sparks fly.
(Alice) As the Diagnostic Pseduo-Scuti is plugged in, make a series of eerie chimes.

I plugged the device into the socket at the base of the automaton's spine, and her eyes suddenly opened and she emitted a soft chime. The probe buzzed and ejected a small slip of parchment.

Adler > Read the manual
Avogadro > Be amazed by the vixen automation Tech
(Diagnostic Pseudo-Scuti) Start spitting out bits of papyrus in Elfhamian.
>Turns out that the convivial discombobulator array has burnt out and needs to be replaced.

Matching the code on the parchment with the Trouble Archery Table in the manual, I was able to determine that the source of the problem was either a burned-out Discombobulator Array, or a misaligned Veeblefetzer. Checking the corresponding diagrams, I decided to try the Veeblefetzer first, since it looked simpler to deal with. It was accessible through a panel near the vixen's left elbow.

"Absolutely amazing!" Avogadro whispered in awe as he peered over my shoulder at the tiny cogs and pistons.

Mara pulled a tool set out of SALV Chetsweeks' mecha-elfintory, and I used the tiny screwdrivers and a pair of tweezers to re-seat the Veeblefetzer in its socket. I closed the hatch, and the automaton emitted another chime.

"Let's see if that fixed it," I suggested.

I removed the probe, and Mara placed the fox-scuti near the control socket. It wriggled nauseatingly into place, and a few seconds later the automaton sat up.



"YECCH," SALV Chetsweeks exclaimed glumly. "Everything's going to taste like oil for the rest of the week, and the handrails are in the wrong place ... but thank you for getting me operational again. And I see you've restored my friend-mate to a mostly normal state. I am grateful, Your Highness."

"Can you stand up?" I asked.

"Alas, no. I think the Discombobulator Array is defective and will have to be replaced."

"Well, where can we get one?"

Luckily the Alberto Hoffman's two-wheeled unicycle has one
>Except the duo-unicycle uses Imperial-standard alternating conjury plugs and sockets, while Alice's body is wired with Vulpitanian AC ones.
Both devices, look identical (except for some hard to notice markings) and fit into the same kind of sockets.

"There is a Maintenance Supply Crate in my quarters at the Embassy," Alice explained. "It contains many replacement parts. Unfortunately, my current status as a Vulpitanian Defector will make it difficult to access. The one-wheeled bicycle in the palace's Hoffmann Suite has a Discombobulator Array which should be compatible, since the cycle was a gift from Vulpitania and is probably wired to the same standards. Obviously you could take me to Glencoe Redbough; he would be able to repair me."

"Hmm," I mused. "I don't think it would be wise to remove parts from the Hoffmann Cycle. I might be able to infiltrate the Vulpitanian Embassy in disguise. Redbough could fix you, but not right away, and we can't wait a month. The visiting SALVs are moving ahead with their experiment!"

"I'd better tell you about that then, while I can," SALV Chetsweeks urged. "Due to an imprecisely worded contract, Nidab and Semos are authorised to produce a sire as well as a posterity for King Estmere, based upon the fertility research of Egdelwon Klive."

"The fox who designed the Ferifax Arch!" I interrupted.

"The same. Part of his theory assumed that lowfolk's physical vigor was a key to fertility, but the hidden purpose of the Arch was to discredit the Imperial dynasty by stripping away their Elfliness while at the same time having them openly support a project to strip away the Elfliness of high society elves. Estmere, since his mother had already undergone the Ferifax process, was part lowfolk already, and would have been reduced to complete lowfolk status had he passed through the Arch."

"Good thing F.E.L.F. blew it up," I exclaimed.

"That was done to prevent SALV Yolanda Chesswick .. er, what was her lowfolk name .. Cognomena - from passing through the arch."

"Chesswick?" I asked. "Isn't that -?"

"The Changeling currently married to Estvan Silverbrush is Ambassador Chesswick's younger sister. I was not entrusted with the details of this part of The Plan, but obviously Vulpitania needed Yolanda to remain pure Elf so she could give birth to the Silverbrush kits. The ultimate outcome of that remains to be seen."

"I don't understand the implications of the visiting SALVs creating a sire for Estmere," I stated.

"According to my brief, they plan to use an elaborate chronothaumaturgical technique in conjunction with the Klive Engine to turn a random lowfolk swapling from the past into an Elf, then resolve the temporal imbalance by swapping Estmere into lowfolk status. They will also alter a single letter so that his father will be someone other than King Gawain. The outcome of all of this will be to absolutely undo his legitimacy, and undermine the Imperial Throne. But, on the bright side, as a lowfolk commoner he will be able to marry whomever he wishes."

"But .. the point was supposed to be to help him produce Royal offspring with Queen Edessa!" I protested.

"That's not what the contract says," Alice shrugged. "It was signed and sealed by Chief Cabinet Minister Lana Lynne herself."

My eyes must have bulged hideously for a few seconds as the enormity of the plot sunk in.

"There's more," Alice continued, with a sidelong glance at Mara. "You must never speak of this to anyone outside this room. There is something we know, but the thaumaturgists do not, which may enable you to save the Empire. We Scuti are of Royal Blood."

"What in Fuma's name are you talking about?" I mumbled, aghast.

"Scuti Prime, the Eldest and First of Our Kind, was King Irenaeus' own tail," Alice explained calmly. "When they were severed, Scuti Prime continued to live, due to Fuma's Holy Fire which flowed in the veins of the white-furred Conqueror. A combination of powerful magicks - and, according to legend, a dragon egg - granted Scuti Prime sapience. Later, unjustly cast out from Irenaeus' presence, he sought the prison tower of the exiled 'mad' Queen Aelfhilde, who consented to provide him a mate in the form of her own enchanted tail, and from this royal pair is our line descended."

"But you're a fox tail," I protested weakly.

"Love knows no boundaries of culture or species," Alice sighed wistfully. "When a Scuti's host engages in venery, the match will produce offspring - even if the partners are of different species. Chances are evenly distributed between the host, the Scuti, and the partner as to which species the child will be. If both partners are host to Scuti, then in addition to the hosts' offspring, there will also be Scuti eggs."

"How does this -" I struggled.

"If, perhaps, a skunk-tail Scuti were to possess Her Majesty Queen Edessa, then she and Estmere could have a child. Chances are two out of three the child would be a skunk, and it would be Imperial Royalty since we, too are descendants of Irenaeus."