The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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If you were a SALV, what would you be?

I am the Supreme Architect & Lordly Vaticinator.

Adler > Tell sergeant avogadro to pay no mind of the blissfully passed out ladies around him.
> Alder: "This, uh, isn't what it looks like"

"This isn't what it seems," I stammered nervously.
"Really?" Avogadro questioned.  "It seems that you must have used some sort of arcane Irenaeid mojo to subdue and/or seduce two potentially dangerous Unseelie femmes."
"Oh.  Well, I suppose this could be what it seems, then," I acknowledged.  "Could you maybe not mention this to anyone?"
"I vill keep your secret only if you agree to use it on me again," SALV Chesswick whispered dreamily.

Adler, take a close look at the SALV in your arms. Find something unexpected.

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I looked closely at the Ambassador as she raised her head and regarded me with a blissfully scheming expression.  Hmm.  I realized that without the monocle, she would actually be quite pretty ...

SALV chesswick is now addicted to (HRH Prince) Adler. Adler wonders if he's applying the touch right. Should they be getting addicted to him??
SALV Chesswick: From now on plot to kidnap HRH Adler Young for your personal use.
>How much trouble would you be in if you simply had everyone who inconvenienced you executed?

"I vill reqvire regular treatments," she explained with a sly grin.  "Und you vill accommodate me, if you do not vish it published abroad zat you know der forbidden Viles und Bodymagick techniques of Desiderata.  In fact, I zink it vould be best if you came mit me back to mine office, zo ve can discuss der matter in furzer detail."

Uh-oh.  This was not good.  I thought back over my Wiles training.  Sheila na Gig never mentioned the Orgasmic Touch having such a spellbinding, addictive effect.  Then again, she never recommended using it as a weapon in circumstances like these.  I must have done something wrong.  Blast it!  Instead of solving my problem, I only changed its nature - possibly even made it worse!

Back in the old days of Irenaeus' reign, I could have simply ordered the execution of anyone who inconvenienced me, but now of course that wouldn't do.  Elves had become too scarce to sacrifice wantonly, and besides; we needed to maintain diplomatic ties to Vulpitania.  I kept reminding myself that the two thaumaturgists, Nidab and Semos, were here at the personal invitation of the King.

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I take it that the buttons on her shirt are decorative? There doesn't appear to be anything they might hold together
>Cheap Vulpitanian buttons, pop under the strain, slight though it may be.
Cheap Vulpitanian buttons> Ricochet around the room and Strike Sergeant Avogadro's face, Strike Agent Grainmaster's eye (where ever she maybe), Strike Cabinet Secretary Dodie O'Doe's bum

"Zat is completely ridiculous.  Vulpitanian buttons are manufactured to der highest standarts of qvality!"

(Mara) After a brief, deeply refreshing nap, get up and find the Ambassador glomming on Adler.
(Mara) Fly into a mad, jealous rage.
(Ambassador) See the possum fly into a mad, jealous rage.
White Scuti, be too weak to take control over Mara's body.

While I was quickly wracking my mind for a way out of the SALV's clutches, and just about to decide on another application of the Touch, suddenly Mara Supial stirred and sat up.

"HEY!" she yelled, upon seeing the Ambassador and me in each other's arms.  "Hands off my Prince, you hussy!"

"You vant a piece of zis?" SALV Chesswick replied menacingly.

"A piece?  I'll take all of it, vixen," Mara growled.  "Bring it on."

With a snort and a loud gekker, the Ambassador let go of me and lunged toward the opossum.

(Mara and Ambassador) Femme-fight.
(Avogadro) Be very embarrassed, but gamely try to report.
(Adler) Be embarrassed, but also a bit excited by the fight.
Ask him what what he has to report?

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I quickly darted away from the scuffling femmes and shooed Sergeant Avogadro out the door into the hall.

"Trust me, you don't want to see this," I murmured urgently.

"Oh, I don't know, Your Highness," he replied.  "It does have certain academic interest.  A military elf can benefit from studying combat in all its forms..."

"OUT, Sergeant," I ordered.  "Deliver your report in the corridor.  What's this that you've found?"

Avogadro, come to report that you found another costume tail just laying around on the floor somewhere.

"Oh, yes, it's a false white skunk tail, very similar to the one I wore as part of my disguise earlier."

"Not the same one?" I asked, confused.

"It could be," Avogadro theorized.  "I found it on the floor near  the spot where the 'assassination' attempt took place."

"I'm going to use psychometry on it," I declared.  "Keep watch and don't let anyone interrupt me."



I held the tail and went into a visionary trance.  I got a quick glimpse of Queen Edessa, brandishing a dagger and stepping on the tail - and then, nothing.

"It was the Queen!" I exclaimed, still partly in a daze .

(Adler) Remember, just when it gets interesting, that ixies wanted to report.

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"Yes, that is what I meant to tell thee, Sire, before that vile Tailipo interrupted," an Ixie declared as I came out of my trance.  "Minister Lynne learned that Her Majesty hath contracted Ixies to spy on thee, and wished me to inform thee of this immediately!"

"Uh ..." I replied intelligently.

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ELSEWHERE:

Did SALV Silverbrush see adler use the touch through the scrying orb? or did it eerily malfunction?
SALV Silverbrush, be shocked, appalled and fascinated and the same time incredibly bored.
Alice, start getting hungry. Try to get the guards attention.
Guard, misunderstand Alice's attempts to get some attention.

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"Fuma have mercy!" SALV Silverbrush sighed as she stared glumly into the scrying orb.  "I am getting  totally #sick_of_watching these guards poke @ teh Scuti jar.  When is Auntie Alberta coming back?  Its been like, WAY 2 long!  Something must've happened to her!  This waiting is teh pits; I'm going out & do something."

SALV Silverbrush carefully set the orb down in a nearby Scrying Stand, and scurried upstairs, out of the Vulpitanian Embassy.

Run to help your aunt and ran into your mother and brother.
>SALV Silverbrush: Misconstrue the situation

"YIKES!" SALV Sliverbrush yelped as she came to sudden halt outside.

"Cushlamochree!" Estvan called.  "Sure and there's me bonnie wee lass.  Come here and greet yer papa, macushla!"

"Hi there, Sofie," Yolanda chirped in motherly fashion.  "Oooh, don't you look CUTE in your little uniform!  So grown-up and dignified!  Doesn't your sister look cute, Boo-Boo?"