The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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SpoilerIf you see a few commands you don't recognize, those came from readers on Tumblr.

You have the reward, or some explanation of where it is, no?
the "reward" Mara wants is Adler's 'magic touch' (basicaly an orgasmic nerve pinch)

"Ahem," SALV Chesswick coughed imperiously.  "I have important business mit der Hand of der King.  Vhatever floozie type schtuff you are up to can vait until after."
"Shove off, vixen," Mara sneered.  "I had dibs on him first, and he promised me."

>Slap Mara in the face
Slav chesswick > Give mara the pimp hand
>These troubles heaped upon you are too troublesome. Loudly declare to the gullible fools of your intentions to leave on a brief sabbatical.
(Mara) Be extremely impatient for your reward.

"I varn you, opossum," SALV Chesswick snarled.  "You are hamperink der movements of ein representative of der Vulpitanian Republic!  Do you even know who you are messink mit?  If you continue mit der insolence, zen I vill not hesitate to giff you der back of mine handt!"
"I'd like to see you try it," Mara growled back.  "You wanna see which of us is more Unseelie?  Bring it on, tough girl."
"Both of you cut it out," I grumbled.  "I won't have a Diplomatic Incident break out in my office.  For Fuma's sakes!  All the things I have to deal with .. I really need a vacation."
"Not til I get my reward!" Mara insisted.
"Not til I get mine reqvisition!" the SALV demanded.

... so y'know, Addler probably will want to wait untill the Vulpitian is dealt with first

"I'm going to have to take care of the Ambassador's business first," I told Mara.
"WHY??" she inquired angrily.  "That's not fair!"
"Do you want to do that right in front of her?" I asked.
"WHY NOT?" Mara demanded, skeptically.
"Well, I don't want her to see it," I insisted, then added in a whisper, "It's a secret."
"Oh fine then," Mara grumped.  "But don't take too long."

>Sign the papers so you get the Vulpitanian off your back
> Adler: Handle those papers with care and diligence.
> SALV Chesswick: Wait while the prince checks each paper with stiff insulted dignity
> Mara: Wait while the prince checks each paper with loud petulant whining
Scuti, be seriously damaged by the assault. SALV Chesswick, be the only one to realize that.
Requisition forms, be stored in the drawer where the Scuti and the Ixie were. Be destroyed.
(Scuti) Wimper. Keen. Look miserable.
(HRH Prince Adler) With rather poor grace, fill out the requisition forms.

I put on my Hand hat since this was Official Business, and opened the desk drawer to get the forms.  A puff of smoke came rolling out.
"That's not a good sign," I muttered.
The Scuti on the desk coughed and whimpered quietly.
"Zat Scuti is in rough shape," the Ambassador observed.  "Mitout ein host it vill probably die soon."

>Also feel maybe just a twinge of (fatherly ?) pride that your your ixie daughters are not to be messed with. (.. or is that worry ?)

I was secretly a bit pleased that my daughters were able to defend themselves so effectively against the horrible tail-parasite .. but then again, it demonstrated rather disturbingly how powerful the Ixies were, especially in numbers.  A whole swarm of them might be very dangerous.  I also realized, with a twinge of worry, that the loss of Alice Chetsweek's friend-mate would probably put an end to any alliance we might have been able to form.
"I guess you know a few things about these creatures," I theorized, as I rummaged in the drawer.
"I am not sure I like your insinuation," SALV Chesswick sniffed.  "Have you found der forms yet?"
"Yeah, hurry up," Mara added.
"I'm afraid the forms are all charred to ash," I informed them.
"You'd better not me givink me der Bureaucratic Runaroundt," the Ambassador remarked tartly.  "Ve Vulpitanians INVENTED der Bureaucratic Runaroundt.  It is ein cheap trick und I vill not fall for it."
"No, no, not at all," I reassured her.  "The forms are actually burned up .. but fret not.  Here, take this clipboard and write out a detailed description of the item you wish to requisition, along with its location if you know where it is being held.  And would you mind going out in the hall while you do that?  I need to, er, provide some compensation for my underling here."
"Disgustink," the SALV snarled as she took the clipboard from me and strode out the door.  "I vill be just outside, so no sneakink avay or anyting like zat."
"I promise we will remain right here in this office til you return," I promised.

>Zap Mara

Mara emitted an inarticulate moan of pleasure as I applied the Orgasmic Touch.  With a satisfied sigh she slowly sank to the floor, where she curled up on her side and immediately fell asleep.

>Make a mental note to aquire some kind of magic ever resplenishing cold water bucket if Mara is going to hang around you much longer.
while she's stunned let the scuti ride her again so you get her off your back
Wamified scuti:  share Maras reward

I felt horrible about what I had to do next, but I could see no other option.



I carefully picked up the injured Scuti from the desk and knelt next to Mara.  I located the tail hole in her dress and .. steeling my nerves, I thrust the Scuti's head into the opening.  The animal squirmed nauseatingly for a second or two, and then seemed to latch on.  Mara sighed quietly and kept on sleeping.
I jumped up nervously as SALV Chesswick stepped back into the room.
"I don't zink I vant to know vhat you vere doink," she muttered suspiciously.  "Here is mine reqvisition reqvest.  I zink you vill find it is in order."
I glanced over it.

> Explain that one SALV Sweetcheeks asked to enter your service and that you'll grant her political asylium so ner ner ner, no papers.

"Oh," I said reluctantly.  "I'm afraid I can't release the body of Alice Chetsweeks."

0827snarly.gif

"ZAT IS VULPITANIAN PROPERTY UND YOU VILL HAND IT OVER IMMEDIATELY!" the Ambassador barked.
"It is a Vulpitanian defector who has applied for political asylum," I countered.
"It is ein mechanical device, vhich is not hers to keep!" SALV Chesswick growled.  "If der Scuti vants to betray us, fine, so be it, but she does not get to keep der VERY EXPENSIVE vehicle built for her by der state!"
"Are you prepared to admit then, that the Republic has built a lifelike automaton?" I asked, leadingly.  "A type of mechano-thaumaturgy which was prohibited in a decree issued by my grandfather, King Adler the Prudent?"
"Der mech body is not autonomous, und does not violate der letter of der statute," the SALV snapped.  "Kindly do not be schtupid enough to try to finagle der law mit ein Vulpitanian.  Just HANDT OVER VHAT BELONKS TO US, OR ELSE!"

Adler: Try Wiles on the Ambassador

I'm not sure what came over me, but suddenly I had had enough of this.  And I knew how to make it stop.



"I'll thank you to moderate your tone when addressing me," I muttered quietly as I reached up and applied Orgasmic Touch to Ambassador Chesswick.
"Ach du lieber," she gasped as she tottered, swooning.
I reached out and caught her under the arm, so she wouldn't fall and hurt herself.

(Avogadro) Butt in at an extremely awkward moment. Make awkward references to famous Skirt-Chasers of the past.

"Oh my," Sergeant Avogadro exclaimed from the doorway as he surveyed the scene.  "You certainly are a descendant of Sartorius, and your brother's brother, aren't you, Your Highness?  Should I come back later?"
"Fuma in Himmel," SALV Chesswick sighed sleepily.  "Zat vas WUNDERBAR!"