RE: The Problems Thread
04-25-2016, 10:18 PM
@p - Thank you! Really it probably sounds like a book because most of it comes from a few? It also comes from a few years of my own counseling and spending time with people who work in addiction recovery.
That last part might sound weird, but oftentimes people who fall into addictive behaviors or habits do so due to circumstances that affect everyone. When people start to struggle against those addictions, one of the best tools they can have is to build an understanding of where their hurts come from, and why they feel the way they do. There is rarely a clear answer to those questions, but a lot of people, much smarter than myself have spent a lot of time trying to make it easier for others to sort that out.
I wouldn't say this advice is infinitely useful, though. That's actually the point of this thread. No one person has all of the answers, but the things we struggle with are often universal enough that one or more of us has been through or is going through something similar. There are a lot of talented, articulate people here. By talking together, maybe we can sort some of this out.
A counselor once told me that, In school, we're taught about history, math, english, and science, but we're never taught how to cope.
@earthexe:
Hey! I saw you post in the complements thread the other day and I immediately felt nervous. I was thinking, "oh gosh I really hope what I had to say was helpful." There's this secret fear that I'll unintentionally give HORRIBLE advice, so to suddenly realize someone is in the middle of reading something you wrote can be a little nerve wracking.
But I say that, really as a huge thank you! Both for reading and responding the way you did. You certainly aren't alone in feeling the way you do. The last time we talked, I think was on IRC a few weeks ago and your cheerfulness there really brightened my day.
So yesterday, I sat down with my wife (She'll probably hop on here sometime), and we read through Great Haven. I'm not going to go into a full-on thing here but I did notice, 1) Your ability as an artist has grown substantially! 2) Your protagonist is great, and conveys a sort of nervous fun. My favorite scene has to be when Blue Turtle picks him up and suddenly you get a feeling for just how SMALL he is compared to everyone. And doing that makes the world seem all the bigger! 3) The world, and story is in itself very interesting, and I'm curious what you have planned for it. And all in all it took about half an hour to go through it, and we both really enjoyed it.
Cool Adventures aside, When I read your post here I could really empathize with you. On some basic level I've shared those feelings you described during my first few years with this community. And I agree that, even though it's not the community's fault, it is really hard to figure out what to do.
A few years ago, I reached a point where I decided that I needed to break away from the group here. For many reasons, I felt the need to press a "reset" button on my life and goals and when I weighed everything out, the insecurity that I felt in struggling to find approval in an online community was not something I needed to take with me.
So I spent some time looking to find stability on my own. I went through a couple of relationships, both romantic and otherwise. Found joy and failures both in my work and friendships, and spent a decent amount of time working on my own outlook on things. Eventually, I reached a point of stability (or so it seems) that allowed me to, one, meet and support a beautiful young lady, but also allow me to feel that, you know what, really I want to hang out with these guys again.
This is getting a little off topic, but I do want to say a thank you to anyone who is reading this. Coming back to this community was really like walking back to a group of old friends. It feels, in many ways, like I never left. I had no small amount of anxiety in popping back in, and not once have I felt unwelcome or judged for leaving. So thank you all.
I bring up my own experience, not to say you should take a break (I certainly hope you don't unless you need to!), but to emphasize how interconnected IRL health and Online health are. The internet is an amazing connective tool. You can find like-minded people, share experiences, thoughts, and ideas across continents and cultures. But, it is (in my experience) no substitute for the social and emotional fulfillment that real-world interactions can provide.
For myself, at least, I'm able to enjoy the people here more because I rely on them less to fulfill my emotional needs. I'm not saying that I don't find fulfillment here, I absolutely do, but during the times in my life where the online community was my sole source of creative and social fulfillment - I felt like a thirsty man, trying to lap up water from a dripping tap.
When someone is looking to fill a need, occasionally they'll try to get it from a person who simply is not capable of providing it. This can lead to a feeling of desperation and discontent. The desire to fulfill that need is there, but it never seems full. It almost always means that something has to change.
Now, this is where my advice can start to fall flat, because there are two directions to take this. You can seek affirmation elsewhere, or you can try to delve deeper into the relationships you have. In the past, I defaulted for the former, without really trying to do the latter.
I think that the best answer, is a combination of the two with a touch of self-reflection on "why do I feel this way?" added into the mix. Seek out encouraging, engaging face-to-face relationships, while connecting more with the community and staying honest with yourself about how you're feeling.
-----
Ostensibly, Eagle-Time is about artists and storytellers who want to make art and tell stories - but, really, that just isn't the case!
If this community is working right, then your approval or acceptance in it has nothing to do with what you do or don't create or who or what you identify with. You're here, and you're you. As long as you don't go out of your way to be rude or hurtful to others, you'll be appreciated simply for who you are.
You have freedom to create. But more importantly, you have freedom to NOT create. Choosing the latter does not devalue you. It does not make you 'less'. If you want to sleep in all day and do nothing GO FOR IT! (it probably isn't the healthiest option but if you do it, then OWN it!) If you want to create and weave a story you have building inside of you do so because it brings you joy!
Let encouragement encourage you, but don't rely on it to drive you. Let silence be silence, and don't give weight to words never spoken. Most importantly, be you! The things you make and the stories you tell are good because you've told them. It is never the other way around.
Really, you've already done something that past-me never even considered. You reached out to find support. Honestly, I find it inspiring.
I want to share two quotes here. One is from jack_fractal (author of All Night Laundry) and I've posted it on the forum before, but dang I will put it here because I think it's encouraging hear from someone who has managed to update an adventure every day for the last 3 years.
This other one, comes from a guy named Kyle Lake. I like to read over it anytime I'm wanting to remind myself to find joy in the day to day. There's a bit of a story behind why I find it particularly potent - maybe I will share it later.
That last part might sound weird, but oftentimes people who fall into addictive behaviors or habits do so due to circumstances that affect everyone. When people start to struggle against those addictions, one of the best tools they can have is to build an understanding of where their hurts come from, and why they feel the way they do. There is rarely a clear answer to those questions, but a lot of people, much smarter than myself have spent a lot of time trying to make it easier for others to sort that out.
I wouldn't say this advice is infinitely useful, though. That's actually the point of this thread. No one person has all of the answers, but the things we struggle with are often universal enough that one or more of us has been through or is going through something similar. There are a lot of talented, articulate people here. By talking together, maybe we can sort some of this out.
A counselor once told me that, In school, we're taught about history, math, english, and science, but we're never taught how to cope.
@earthexe:
A brief interruption Wrote:You really got me thinking! Reading through this I realized that I start to speak pretty generally in a few places, so as with everything here, take it with a grain of salt. I don't claim to be an expert, and unfortunately, I know very little about your personal situation, so if I say something that strikes you as a "bad idea", it likely is.
Hey! I saw you post in the complements thread the other day and I immediately felt nervous. I was thinking, "oh gosh I really hope what I had to say was helpful." There's this secret fear that I'll unintentionally give HORRIBLE advice, so to suddenly realize someone is in the middle of reading something you wrote can be a little nerve wracking.
But I say that, really as a huge thank you! Both for reading and responding the way you did. You certainly aren't alone in feeling the way you do. The last time we talked, I think was on IRC a few weeks ago and your cheerfulness there really brightened my day.
So yesterday, I sat down with my wife (She'll probably hop on here sometime), and we read through Great Haven. I'm not going to go into a full-on thing here but I did notice, 1) Your ability as an artist has grown substantially! 2) Your protagonist is great, and conveys a sort of nervous fun. My favorite scene has to be when Blue Turtle picks him up and suddenly you get a feeling for just how SMALL he is compared to everyone. And doing that makes the world seem all the bigger! 3) The world, and story is in itself very interesting, and I'm curious what you have planned for it. And all in all it took about half an hour to go through it, and we both really enjoyed it.
Cool Adventures aside, When I read your post here I could really empathize with you. On some basic level I've shared those feelings you described during my first few years with this community. And I agree that, even though it's not the community's fault, it is really hard to figure out what to do.
A few years ago, I reached a point where I decided that I needed to break away from the group here. For many reasons, I felt the need to press a "reset" button on my life and goals and when I weighed everything out, the insecurity that I felt in struggling to find approval in an online community was not something I needed to take with me.
So I spent some time looking to find stability on my own. I went through a couple of relationships, both romantic and otherwise. Found joy and failures both in my work and friendships, and spent a decent amount of time working on my own outlook on things. Eventually, I reached a point of stability (or so it seems) that allowed me to, one, meet and support a beautiful young lady, but also allow me to feel that, you know what, really I want to hang out with these guys again.
This is getting a little off topic, but I do want to say a thank you to anyone who is reading this. Coming back to this community was really like walking back to a group of old friends. It feels, in many ways, like I never left. I had no small amount of anxiety in popping back in, and not once have I felt unwelcome or judged for leaving. So thank you all.
I bring up my own experience, not to say you should take a break (I certainly hope you don't unless you need to!), but to emphasize how interconnected IRL health and Online health are. The internet is an amazing connective tool. You can find like-minded people, share experiences, thoughts, and ideas across continents and cultures. But, it is (in my experience) no substitute for the social and emotional fulfillment that real-world interactions can provide.
For myself, at least, I'm able to enjoy the people here more because I rely on them less to fulfill my emotional needs. I'm not saying that I don't find fulfillment here, I absolutely do, but during the times in my life where the online community was my sole source of creative and social fulfillment - I felt like a thirsty man, trying to lap up water from a dripping tap.
When someone is looking to fill a need, occasionally they'll try to get it from a person who simply is not capable of providing it. This can lead to a feeling of desperation and discontent. The desire to fulfill that need is there, but it never seems full. It almost always means that something has to change.
Now, this is where my advice can start to fall flat, because there are two directions to take this. You can seek affirmation elsewhere, or you can try to delve deeper into the relationships you have. In the past, I defaulted for the former, without really trying to do the latter.
I think that the best answer, is a combination of the two with a touch of self-reflection on "why do I feel this way?" added into the mix. Seek out encouraging, engaging face-to-face relationships, while connecting more with the community and staying honest with yourself about how you're feeling.
-----
Ostensibly, Eagle-Time is about artists and storytellers who want to make art and tell stories - but, really, that just isn't the case!
If this community is working right, then your approval or acceptance in it has nothing to do with what you do or don't create or who or what you identify with. You're here, and you're you. As long as you don't go out of your way to be rude or hurtful to others, you'll be appreciated simply for who you are.
You have freedom to create. But more importantly, you have freedom to NOT create. Choosing the latter does not devalue you. It does not make you 'less'. If you want to sleep in all day and do nothing GO FOR IT! (it probably isn't the healthiest option but if you do it, then OWN it!) If you want to create and weave a story you have building inside of you do so because it brings you joy!
Let encouragement encourage you, but don't rely on it to drive you. Let silence be silence, and don't give weight to words never spoken. Most importantly, be you! The things you make and the stories you tell are good because you've told them. It is never the other way around.
Really, you've already done something that past-me never even considered. You reached out to find support. Honestly, I find it inspiring.
I want to share two quotes here. One is from jack_fractal (author of All Night Laundry) and I've posted it on the forum before, but dang I will put it here because I think it's encouraging hear from someone who has managed to update an adventure every day for the last 3 years.
Spoiler
This other one, comes from a guy named Kyle Lake. I like to read over it anytime I'm wanting to remind myself to find joy in the day to day. There's a bit of a story behind why I find it particularly potent - maybe I will share it later.
Spoiler