The Problems Thread

@Mirdini- Thank you!

@sfou - Also Thank you!

I think it's important to recognize that others have these needs too.

Absolutely!

Often it is easier to recognize needs in others than it is in yourself. Daniel Kahneman describes it as the "Water Cooler Effect". Oddly enough, this is because it easier to see people as just lines of text? I'm not saying this is right, just that it is a natural fallacy. The brain always makes conclusions. It is a conclusion making machine and it never says: "I don't have all the information, I should just stop thinking about this." It always and automatically makes assumptions.

Like if all you see is a post that has 1) someone's name and 2) a comment in support of thing X, your brain automatically fills in everything it can about that person based solely on those few lines of text.

Where this really becomes a problem is when "thing X" is something that you really don't like. Now, as far as your brain is concerned, you have just discovered a person who's entire existence revolves around "thing X"! Often you will respond accordingly with "thing Y" - which then makes yourself, to the brains of those reading your comment, the physical embodiment of "thing Y", and they respond accordingly.

So obviously when left unchecked this fallacy leads to problems. BUT it can also be used in a way that helps you enrich and empathise with people, if you work off of the assumption like you said, that others have the same needs you do, then you can go through that checklist and try to figure out, "What need are they trying to fullfill?" Your brain will jump to assumptions, and yeah they might be wrong, but it will be an assumption that puts the person who wrote that line of text in a more human light, and maybe even help you understand more about yourself.

So yeah! I'm just echoing what you've said, and adding a bit as well!

@Loather

how do i stay committed to a large project once i've started it?

Spoilered because of WORDS:

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SpoilerYou are in good company here. I'm probably just going to echo some of what Plaid has said - but take her advice to heart - in terms of creative projects, she's done WAY more than me.

A really hard, but also really helpful thing to do is to figure out what your normal is when it comes to certain types of projects. When starting a big project people (myself included) almost always underestimate how much or how quickly it will finish, but if you're able ask yourself, "objectively, how have I done on similar projects like this in the past?" You can often get a more reliable prediction on how a new project will go.

The problem is, a lot of the time, the answer to the "how have I done in the past." is "Poorly."

It's hard to be okay with that, but I encourage you to. If you set unreasonable goals for yourself, then you're almost guaranteed to fail from the start. But if you know what your normal is, and set a goal just slightly above that, the chances of having a victory and getting a little more out of something becomes a lot greater.

The other important part about that reflection is that you'll might notice things that helped you individually. For reals, everyone is different. I recently read through jack_fractals "All Night Laundry" (one of the adventures that recently started posting to the forum). He had a really inspiring post about finally deciding to start a project, and setting up rules for himself like "I'm only working on this thing for this amount of time." and just trying to get something out there even if it wasn't perfect. I really enjoyed reading what he had to say, but I also know that what worked for him would not work for me as well. Or at least it wouldn't produce the same results.

That being said, it never helps to look at what works for other people! (and then shamelessly STEAL what works for you)

As for what has worked for me, I think I'll make a list, because that seems like a sort of list-able thing.

1) Block out chunks of time for long projects
* This has to do with setting goals. A long project is a Long-Term Goal and you have to approach Long-Term Goals differently than short term goals. Typically, something is a Long-Term Goal if you cannot complete it in one sitting. In that case, don't make "I will complete this thing" your goal. Make "I will spend x amount of time working on this" your goal. (Actually that's pretty important so I'll give it it's own spot on the list.)

2) Make your goal to "work on it for X amount of time"
* See the idea is to set attainable goals. Brains love accomplishing goals. Don't believe me? Pick some easy/innane thing like "My goal is to stand up!", then do it! You have a tiny feeling of satisfaction, like you accomplished something, and it's encouraging get back into it again. (This is also a helpful way to get into exercising). So if you make your goal: I'm going to spend x amount of time on something, then even if you don't finish that something you will have still accomplished your goal.

3) Give yourself time to reflect
* This is mission critical for any big project for me. If I want something to succeed I need to periodically check up on it. Just set aside a specific time, and look over, "Did I meet the goals I set? Why or why not? Am I happy with where this is going? How does this fit into the rest of my schedule? What should my next steps be?" Doing this can really help shrink down the hugeness of a large project into a manageable size, and help me deal with problems that have come up along the way.

4) Have a simple checklist of things you do when you pick the project up again.
* So checklists are nice for lots of reasons, but one important one is that they can help you build habits that get you in the right mindset for your project. Like, people often talk about a "bedtime routine", a few things that you do every night to tell yourself, "okay I'm about to go to sleep now." Well, having a "project routine" can be just as helpful. It could be something silly like, "I'll have a glass of water and sit down at this new table and then shut my eyes for 30 seconds.", but more often it will be the natural things you'd do when picking that project up again.

5) Be okay with not finishing it, if you have to.
* This one is a mixed bag, but sometimes I find myself taking on way too much - often due to poor planning, or not realizing how much time I actually have. When that happens, I have to let some things go. It might be a project that I was really excited about in the past, but is now added to the pile of "incompletes". Regardless, if you find that you need to do this, try and take some time to reflect on it. Figure out why this project tapered out, because, chances are, there will be a similar project that excites you in the future, and you can use your challenges with this one to help prepare you for the next.

i am having a really, really, really bad day. None of my usual calming down tactics are working at all and I don't know what to do

First off, Hi! I saw you introduce yourself but I don't think I have actually greeted you yet! So welcome!

So, forum-thread advice is very limited in it's ability to help out in media res. Honestly, IRC is little better, and then skype or discord can help out even more. Basically, reach out, connect with people you trust, let them know what is going on and get some real-time honest to goodness people listening to what ails ya.

The cool thing about this is that, nobody has all the answers, (I often look at myself and think...oh crap, I'm an adult now...and I don't know anything) But, in a group, with people with different experiences and perspectives, and if people are generally wanting to be helpful, you can find a lot of understanding that you might not have expected otherwise.

That being said, if you want to elaborate on how you're feeling or what's going on, then please do! The process of just typing out and thinking through how you feel is cathartic in itself. Like, what are the usual ways you like to calm down, and what's made this day worse than others? And if you're feeling like the worst has passed, what helped you get through it? I know I could use the advice.