The Grand Cooperative (Round One: Waiting Room Bar & Grill)

Username: Agen~!
Name: Mediacraci (aka Casper Sparks)
Color: pink!
Race: Lost Human
Gender: Queer
Description: Mediacraci is a taller-than-average androgyne with a mop of messy black hair that frames their pale features. They've got on worn military fatigues that seem to echo the fatigue in their eyes; the hems are frayed and the knees spattered liberally with dried blood.

They are effusively cheery despite the things they've seen. Every so often they have to take a breath from a battered inhaler, which is inevitably followed by hacking coughs. They are not well.
Items/Abilities: Mediacraci has basic medical training and a complement of skills that befit an espionage agent. However, they are in no position to use any of that skill because their specialty is cyberespionage! They could be among you at any moment, as anyone in the virtual world!
Biography: A cure. Weeping, the Media parsed through pages of data, searching for a cure. On the outside they felt the sobs wrack their body, yet their hands on the keyboard remained steady and unshaking. On the inside they felt nothing. Perhaps, even, a little sense of perverse joy at the chaos they were making, a microcosm of an infinite void breaking its waves on the shores of a dark sea speckled with brilliant burning stars. They laughed. Laughing, the Media paged through parses of data, searching for a cure.

"One last job," they'd said. "One last job, and you're home free." Like heck! Now here they were, dying of that strange lung cancer they'd been given at the one last job. But that's not important right now. It is a mote in a sunbeam, a droplet in the rain, a human being on a dying planet earth.

The most important thing now was the cure. They'd had to reach into the past to find out where it'd been hidden, but had only managed to connect to some fairly limited channels, including one about eagles. But there was no time to investigate properly. In the next moment, Mediacraci and their computer had disappeared!

Is this a fucking self-insert????? Not The Author please for the love of all that is holy do not waste what appears to be a decent character on this mess.

Also you can shove it Agen I am the teamfriendliest motherfucker on this whole goddamn forum. I wrote, copy-edited, published and painstakingly hand-bound in bitchin' fabric the goddamn book on teamfriendliness.

Teamfriendliness is about RESPECT and MAKING A DOUBLEHALFASSED EFFORT to ACTUALLY CONSIDER other people's views, for example, REFRAINING FROM MAKING AN ASS OF YOU AND MEDIACRACY that I will suffer being schooled by a sugar-coated choking-hazard cinnamon puff like yourself about TEAMFRIENDLINESS.

I will play your obnoxious little game and I will goddamn win at it. You are going to get some Teamfriended you'll be PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE of saying a bad word against me.