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07-24-2017, 05:28 AM
i was feeling sort of ok and productive and now i just feel
scared
vaguely dysphoric
feeling my entire existence stolen from me by shitty fulltime work
and on top of all of that, theres a deep visceral feeling that anything i make will go beyond being bad into outright disastrous, like harmful to my health, a waste of time i dont have enough of, even though i need that fulfillment
i cant do anything because of these feelings, i just want to stop being a trainwreck, i just want to chill a bit and appreciate life
but i cant even enjoy doing nothing because i have so little time
and these feelings are shutting me down so hard
im just. fucking doomed huh
:\
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07-24-2017, 05:29 AM
(This post was last modified: 07-24-2017, 05:29 AM by Loather.)
plus. cassie was splitting her hrt meds with me til like, two weeks ago, cause she ran out, and all the good trans feelings i had? yeah those wore off
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07-24-2017, 05:30 AM
i dont have health insurance or energy im broke and i cant do anything even though i lost my family over this and i jsut
wish it were better than this
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07-24-2017, 05:33 AM
why is there no way out. why cant i exist
rhetorical question our entire society is hell
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07-24-2017, 05:39 AM
it sucks so much though
like without my own existence what even am i
a human being reduced to a miserable automation so more power can go to the powerful, something all of society agrees to, something people agree to enforce
my entire life gone, replaced by something so much more meaningless, hollow productivity, the creation of nothing. made into a goddamned handcrank for people with functionally infinite wealth, infinite power, to give themselves more
what the fuck, humanity
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07-24-2017, 05:39 AM
let me LIVE
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07-24-2017, 05:40 AM
i'll feel better. i'll get out of this. im just not doing well at the moment
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07-24-2017, 05:41 AM
fucking sadists rule the world
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07-24-2017, 05:41 AM
i hope theres a hell for them
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07-24-2017, 05:46 AM
one day im going to live with a bunch of my friends and make things i care about for money, and things will be better. i just have to survive til then
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07-24-2017, 05:53 AM
my heart wont stop beating out of my chest
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07-24-2017, 05:53 AM
im so anxious
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07-24-2017, 06:38 AM
i dont have a family
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07-25-2017, 01:13 AM
(This post was last modified: 07-25-2017, 01:14 AM by ICan'tGiveCredit.)