Trollstuck 2: The Saga Continues [likely NSFW]

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This thread is a, possibly temporary, replacement for this thread, while the powers that be determine whether this kind of thing is allowed or not. If it's reopened then it can be transplanted over there or whatever.

Admittedly Trollstuck on ET will have less of an audience and we won't be winding up any hardcore trollslummers, but I and most people who I talked to enjoyed it more in of itself than as a means to irritate people. If it ends up that original Trollstuck can't be a thing any more then we already have this in a place where we can regulate it ourselves.

Essentially this thread is about the adventures of a silly/absurd/disturbing group of trolls who play SCRUB. It's open to those who want to join in and don't consider trolls to be super serious business.

Show RoleplayerRoll:

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PickYerPoison: Ilene Fhtagn/indomitableBeauty [#ff00BB]
SleepingOrange: Johhhn Xlingn/ravishingPriapus [#b70000]
cyber95: Lard Tabasno/quiveringLipid [#000000, bold]
Dragon Fogel: Commander Brinner/commandingOfficer [#cc3300]
Schazer: ???/doricRevengencer [navy]
Ixcalibur: Xazhaf Ajraga/glitteratiTsarina [indigo]
XX: Mephistopheles Noctivigant/baenSidhe [#6FFF00]
MrGuy: Fabuloso "Fab Quatro Huckleberry" Tallahassee/quatroHuckleberry [#00FF00]
MalkyTop: Malkytop/malkyTop [#mlkytp] [#78AB46]
slipsicle: Fasdnafo Wqrolo/qnccreTragyrzna [#FF9966]
Solaris: Sollar Lairis/untimelyUltimatum [#ff0666]

> Be a doll



You are now DOHLIE XPKJLZ and you are six sweeps old. Your chumhandle is universallyVenerated and so<3eti<3es it see<3s like al<3ost every troll you <3eet wants to beco<3e <3atesprits with you.

You are constantly being BOTHERED by people wishing to get all up in your FLUSHED QUADRANT. It is really quite a pain when your HEART belongs somewhere MUCH CLOSER TO HOME.

You have MAGENTA BLOOD but you're NOT A SEADWELLER because SEADWELLERS ARE LAME.

You were just talking to your LUSUS and MATESPIRT: HAXLEY, but someone is trolling you; undoubtedly pleading with you to enter a CONCUPISCENT ROMANCE with him.

You opt to take a look anyway.

SHOW PESTERLOG

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No not really. You're still Xazhaf Ajraga and you're still ten sweeps old. Your chumhandle is still glitteratiTsarina anDD you are still the girliest girl anDD not in any way creepy or DDisturbing you DDon't know what you coulDD possibly mean.

You are currently playing with your dolls while you wait for Juan's very important game to install on your potentially explosive computer.

DDohlie/Haxley OTP!

Talking to RP didn't help, and in fact may have worried you even more than before. You decide to try telling gT straight-up that you can't talk to him. Like a man.

>Fail miserably at acting like a man.

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-- qnccreTragyrzna [gT] began pestering quiveringLipid [qL] at 15:20 --
GT: Jul uryyb gurer tbbq fve! Zvtug V vaivgr lbh gb n pbeqvny pbairefngvba?
QL: II''MM SSOORRYY BBUUTT WWHHAATT??
GT: V zreryl jvfurq gb nfx vs lbh jbhyq yvxr gb fcraq n srj zvahgrf univat n fpvagvyyngvat ovg bs ireobfvgl jvgu zr.
QL: II CCAANN''TT UUNNDDEERRSSTTAANNDD WWHHAATT YYOOUU AARREE SSAAYYIINNGG,, GGTT.
QL: II AAMM RREEAALLYY SSOORRRRYY PPLLEEAASSEE FFOORRGGIIVVEE MMEE.
QL: BBUUTT II DDOO AAPPRREECCIIAATTEE YYOOUU TTAAKKIINNGG TTHHEE TTIIMEE TTOO AACCTTUUAALLYY TTAALLKK TTOO MMEE.
QL: MMAAYYBBEE TTHHEERREE IISS SSOOMMEEBBOODDYY WWHHOO IISS SSMMAARRTT EENNOOUUGGHH TTOO GGEETT YYOOUU??
GT: Creuncf. V fhccbfr V jvyy gel ryfrjurer. Ncbybtvrf sbe gur vapbairavrapr.
-- qnccreTragyrzna [gT] ceased pestering quiveringLipid [qL] at 16:13

Well that didn't help either. ...Hold on, you think you smell something. Something delcious. Covered in troll-cheese, troll-pepperoni, and troll-anchovies. But hold on a minute. There's another unmistakable and recognizable smell nearby.



Blood! Oh no, Denolo.



Oh no, the pizza!

What the- somebody is messaging you! This is the worst possible time for somebody to finally message you! You are in the middle of an emergency!

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-- doricRevengenancer [DR] started trolling quiveringLipid [QL] at 16:30 --
DR: "Lard, I have something very important for you."
QL: MMEEAATT II KKIINNDD OOFF HHAAVVEE AANN EEMMEERRGGEENNCCYY RRIIGGHHTT NNOOWW..
QL: NNOOTT TTHHAATT II DDOONN''TT LLOOVVEE TTHHAATT YYOOUU''VVEE MMEESSAAGGEEDD MMEE
QL: NNOOBBOODDYY EEVVEERR MMEESSAAGGEESS MMEE AANNYYMMOORREE
QL: EEXXCCEEPPTT TTOO SSOOMMEETTIIMMEESS CCOOMMEENNTT OONN MMYY SSIIZZE......
DR: "Yes, the passing of Denolo will be hard for all of us."
QL: NNOOTT TTHHAATT
DR: "I'm sure you'll get your meal somehow, too."
-- doricRevengenancer [DR] has sent file InfiniteMealTime.exe at 16:32
QL: WWHHAATT IISS TTHHIISS??
DR: "It is very important."
QL: BBUUTT WWHHAATT IISS IITT??
DR: "It is a very important game for every one of us to play. It also may have a way to get you even more to eat, if that works as an incentive to play."
QL: WWEELLLL II''MM HHOONNOORREEDD TTHHAATT II''DD BBEE AASSKKEEDD TTOO PPLLAAYY AA GGAAMMEE WWIITTHH AALL OOFF YYOOUU
QL: BBUUTT II NNEEEEDD TTOO FFIINNIISSHH DDEENNOOLLOO''SS FFIINNAALL DDEELLIIVVEERRYY!!
QL: FFOORR HHIISS HHOONNOORR
DR: "Very well. I expect you to run it once you've finished your memorial meal."
-- doricRevengenancer [DR] ceased trolling quiveringLipid [QL] at 16:38 --

> Be the stupid hippy jackass

You oblige, though you're still very confused as to who and/or what that entails. Not to mention where you are, when it is, or why you're there to begin with. You definitely know how, though. The answer is, of course, your beloved SLURRY OF CALMING LEAFY GREENS AND HALLUCINOGENIC ACIDIC SUBSTANCE.

Anyway you guess you better to this WEIRD GREEN GHOST FUCKER.

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-- druggedupInsanity [DI] began pestering superEgo [SE] at 713:15:341355 --

DI: Okay so the thing I want to know is
DI: Who the fuɔk are you you ɔrazy teal-green thing
SE: I'm your superego, you insulting little...
SE: ...I'll go with "boy" for now, I suppose.
DI: ɔram a soɔk in it and tell me why we're here and what the fuɔk that even means
SE: I'm afraid those are mutually exclusive, chum.
SE: Anyway. We're in your mind, as it were.
SE: I, being your superego, moderate both your ridiculous ideals and your intensely creepy desires.
DI: If you're an aspeɔt of me you ɔould probably be a little more polite to
DI: Yourself
DI: Or your god, or your lusus, or whatever the fuɔk our relationship is
SE: Being an aspect of you, and particularly the happy medium between your especially moronic bits, I find both politeness to an authority figure and outward respect for a family member completely distasteful.
DI: Touɔhe I guess

>Be that toned piece of trollmeat


The conversation with JIGGLES having gone about as well as it could, you finally manage to make it out of your hive. It feels like it took days, but that's probably just because Lard's stupid double-letters take FOREVER to read. And anyway, READING IS HARD.

You breathe a HEALTHY, MASCULINE LUNGFUL of fresh evening air. It's a little weird that nobody else is out in your lawnring, given how early and pleasant it still is, but some of your neighbors have taken to locking themselves in their hives when you're around. THEIR LOSS, BABY. You saunter along, making sure to WORK THE GOODS and waiting for some kind of faster transport to present itself. Despite your DOUCHECHAT VISOR, something above you catches your eye.


That's weird. There are a few flashes and streaks of light appearing and disappearing across the sky. You GRUNT MANFULLY as you try to remember what this means... Several seconds of intense REMEMBAFYING later, it clicks. They're meteors! It's a METEOR SHOWER.

...

...

Wait, meteors are big flaming rocks that fall from space, right? You respond to this revelation in the only reasonable way possible.



"AAAUGH HOLY SHIT THE SKY IS FALLING THE SKY IS FALLING!"



You waste no time in charging towards the nearest hive (you don't even remember whose it is and don't have time to spend REMEMBAFYING something so unimportant) and punching the door in. Like hell you're going to get caught with a bunch of FLAMING GODDAMN SPACEROCKS falling on your head and crushing such a perfect specimen of TROLLHOOD. Bits of door go flying, and by some tiny chance, your shouting and punching and breaking and entering attract the attention of the hive's OCCUPANT.



It doesn't occur to you to wonder what kind of WEIRDO keeps their RECUPERACOON in their front room; all you can think is that maybe this METEOR SHOWER isn't going to ruin your night after all.

It is now that we take this time to see another troll, one who for all intents and purposes couldn’t care less about the grander workings that are occurring, but will of course be forced to join in. Let’s see what was that name again...

>Sollar Lairis


Ah yes, you are SOLLAR LAIRIS, and you are, as usual, EXTREMLY DEPRESSED, but sort of OKAY WITH IT.
From the moment of your birth, you had these FREAKISH HORNS which are said to actually kill the mother grub that spawned you. It is because of this, and VARIOUS OTHER ASPECTS, that you are believed to be the RENCARNATION of The Messsiah, TROLL JEGUS. As a result, you are a frequent target of the empire and are MARKED FOR DEATH, in fact, it is almost as prevalent as your UNWWANTED LOVE AND ADORATION.
“Luckily”, you are (at least temporarily) SAFE FROM HARM, thanks to the protection of the Empress-to-be, FEFERI PEIXIS.
While your aforementioned horns (which have since been COMPLETELY SAWED OFF(YET ANOTHER SIGN)) and ULTRA-VIOLET blood are both marks of the SECOND COMING, you are skeptical, in part because you are TROLL JEWGISH, and while you believe that he was a good man, and that he was an important prophet, Troll Jegus was NOT A MESSSAIH.
Additional “proof” of your status as a SECOND COMING are your RARE PAIR OF WINGS and your VISON FOURTEENFOLD. However, you see them both as HIDEOUS DEFECTS, as the wings GET IN THE WAY of everything and your MANY PUPILS leave you IRONICALLY BLIND, which to some, FURTHER PROOVES your so called DESTINY as the SAVOIR OF TROLLKIND. Your life is terrible!
Your trolltag is untimelyUltimatum and you 5ype as penest as somrome whocsn/t see cqn.


-------------------------->


You are currently sitting around and hoping that nothing bothers you until the day that you die.
Oh look, someone is trying to contact you.

Aw shit.

>Answer troll-log.

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-- doricRevengenancer [DR] began trolling untimelyUltimatum [UU]
UU: OKAYM WTHAT DO YOY WANRF==T THISF TIME?
DR: “Woah, hey! Inside voices, Solly my boy.”
UU: Whst did nyuy sat?mI can;lt wee, let me get my flasses fi4st.
DR: “No need, I'll be out of your hair before you know it.”
DR: “As much as I know you've loved your life of a possibly-accidental attention whore, I'm about to wreck that for you.”
DR: “You can thank me later, but you probably won't. I know you can't help being self-absorbed like the rest of you wriggling louts, it seems to be one of those things you grow out of.”
DR: “Or gets bled out of a troll. Boys at the lab are still testing that one.”
DR: “But hey, kids like games, right? Hopefully you'll enjoy the one I sent you.”
DR: “I could even be your Troll Judas, or something. That was a joke. Probably. Don't cross me or you'll regret it.”
DR: “Anyway, I've got to run.”
DR: “I need to bug those filially confounded followers of yours, tell them to get their game on.”
DR: “Hah, bug. I should've gone into software development, I'm a natural!”
DR: “Doc out.”
doricRevengenancer [DR] ceased trolling untimelyUltimatum [UU]
UU: wAIT, WHAT?
UU: oH, i DID HAVE my caps lock on.
UU: Now to just scroll up and.......

>Worry.


Oh god you are more terrified than a lost puppy... but at the same time, happy that this hell of a life is going to be over...

> Can we go back to being that useless lump of troll flesh already?

Yes you can.

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MT: ...So yeah...Sorry to keep talking at you like this.
GT: Nu, vg vf dhvgr nyevtug, lbhat ynql! Vg vf avpr gb gnyx gb lbh.
MT: I'm not sure if you even understand me, actually.
GT: V qb vaqrrq. Ohg vs bayl lbh haqrefgbbq zr, gura bhe pbairefngvbaf jbhyq or nyy gur zber jbaqreshy!

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MT: I really like talking to you, though.
MT: Or at you?
MT: You're a good listener.
GT: V gel.
MT: Or...you seem to be?
MT: I imagine you to be?
MT: More likely, it's just my imagination, though...
MT: I'm such a loser...the only one I can actually talk to normally is someone who I can't even understand.
GT: Bu, qba'g guvax yvxr gung.
MT: I don't even have any real frieeeeends.
GT: Bu, cyrnfr qba'g fgneg.
GT: Bu qrne.
MT: My only real friend is practically imaginaaarrrrryyyyyyy.

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MT: Oh.
MT: Someone else wants to talk to me.
GT: Gurer lbh tb, lbh pregnvayl unir sevraqf!
MT: I guess...I should talk to you later...

--malkyTop [MT] ceased trolling qnccreTragyrzna [gT] at 16:03

Uh oh.

You don't actually like talking to this person. She's sort of...loud. And scary. And she says a lot of mean words, though you sort of think she doesn't really realize it. Or mean it. Or something? Whatever the reason she says those words, you censor them out in your mind.

Well, better see what she wants.

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--glitteratiTsarina [GT] began trolling malkyTop [MT] at 16:02 --

GT: hey
GT: heeeeeeeey
GT: talk to me alreaDDy you [lovely!] [nice person!]
MT: Hello.
GT: finally
MT: Um, sorry.
MT: I was talking to someone else.
MT: Um, so, do you need something.

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GT: yes i DDo
GT: you know about that game thing alreaDDy right
MT: Um, I guess.
MT: That guy kind of sent me a file.
MT: He didn't really explain what it was, besides that it was very important.
MT: Is that what you're talking about.
GT: yeah
GT: thats it
GT: so yeah its this game
MT: Are we starting this already.
GT: i am anyways i DDont feel like [firetruck!] waiting
GT: but the thing is far as i understanDD
GT: i neeDD like some sorta [helpful!] server player to mess arounDD with my [stuff!]
GT: anDD youre wimpy enough that im sure you wont even DDare messing with me so i have to beat you up or something
GT: so start up that game
GT: i coulDD probably walk you through it
MT: Wait, is this game called, um, sCrub or something like that.
GT: yeah
GT: DDiDD you start it up alreaDDy
MT: No. Actually, my troll wolf mom kinda got this disc in the mail.
MT: Um. I'm not even sure how it survived the trip down here.
MT: But that's sort of weird. Since he already gave me a file.
MT: If this is the game, then what's in this file?
GT: whatever just start that [sucker!] up first
GT: soon as it starts uploaDDing or whatever the worDD is you can check it out
GT: actually tell me what happens
GT: are you DDoing it yet

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GT: hello

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GT: whats going on alreaDDy
GT: cmon

You can no longer be the useless lump of troll flesh.

> Ilene: Venture forth for shopping.







Oh look, it's your lusus! He's, like, the most adorable unicorn ever!



But for some reason he always refuses to lend you money. It's hard to get your groove on without any cash.



Whoops, seems you're getting a call. Sorry daddy, you've gotta take this!

Show Pesterlog:

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-- baenSide [BS] began trolling indominatibleBeauty [IB] at 666:666:PLEASE RESET CLOCK --
BS: SCREE SCREE SCREE
IB: The what?
BS: SCREE
IB: Oh.
BS: SCREE SCREEE SCREE
IB: You want me to do what?
BS: SCREE SCREE SCREEEEEEE SCREEEE
BS: SCREEEEEE SCREE
IB: Oh, behave~
BS: SCREE SCREE SCREEEEEEE
IB: You're, like, such a spoilersport, darling. But if you insist.
IB: I'm sure I have the disc around here somewhere.
BS: SCREE SCREEEEE SCREE
BS: SCREEEEE SCREE SCREEE
IB: I dunno. That man gives me some pretty bad vibes, though!
IB: Messes with my mojo, know what I mean?
IB: No way he's playing me for a sap, though. If he asks me to do something, I'll tell him to, like, go shag his lusus!
IB: ...does he even have a lusus? What a weirdo.
BS: SCREEEE SCREEE SCREEE
IB: Eek, I'm so sorry! That, like, came out all wrong.
IB: You're groovy as can be, baby!
BS: SCREEEEE SCREE
IB: Talk to you later, hun~
-- baenSide [BS] ceased trolling indominatibleBeauty [IB] at 666:666:PLEASE RESET CLOCK --

What a sweetie. Now, to find that game disc!

> Fabuloso: Inquire as to purpose of SE's interference

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DI: Okay new question
DI: What the fuɔk should we be doing
SE: Good question!
SE: Think of it as a spirit quest of sorts.
DI: I thought only halluɔinogenic spineless ɔaɔti made those happen
DI: Aɔtually you look kind of like a spineless ɔaɔtus yourself buddy
SE: And you like an anime-haired ape. Continuing on.
SE: I must train you before you are ready to open a file you have been sent.
SE: If you open it too early, disaster will strike.
DI: Okay ɔool whatever. What's the training ɔonsist of

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SE: Exercise one: Getting hit in the face with cinderblocks.

> Aghaz: Wake up!



You wake yourself up because you were getting concerned that that punch to Tal's face might actually wake up his dreamself. You can't let him find out about your dreamselves. thAt would be A fucking disAster.



Luckily he's still sleeping soundly. You decide to make sure he stays that way...