Wizard Battles

Every 1000 years, wizards from across the land join together in the wizard metropolis, New Wiz.

The blinding lights of the stadium shine down upon the wizards as they line up, and are sent off into battles, culminating in a grand showdown against each other with the powers they've gained.

Many wizards enter, and one wizard leaves.

And then the rest leave because resurrection wizards are a thing. Then it goes on again.

You see the poster on your way to New Wiz, with a helpful note that this is the 30th WB tournament ever hosted. You wonder what other kinds of wizards you'll see at the stadium, but the possibilities are endless. Wizards come in all sorts of varieties, and it's almost as though there's no limit to what a wizard could do!

Although, since you have to get energy from your assigned element, wizards such as Black Hole Wizard (a fan favorite from last year) can't do very much. The winner of last year's tournament was Cyborg Dog Wizard, who had surprisingly renewable energy. Who knew cyborg dogs were so common?

After some more travelling, you end up in New Wiz and make your way to the huge stadium set up for the event. It basically covers the entire city and multiple dimensions, so it's hard to miss. You remember, however, that you need to fill out your registration form!

How silly of you to forget that in the first place, really.

Wizard Battles RegistrationShow

Name:
Wizard type: (put anything here ((and add 'wizard' at the end)))
Favorite Color:

The favorite color section seems odd, but maybe it's some sort of grouping thing? Who knows.

What is this?Show

Wizard Battles is a game where you make a wizard and fight monsters n explore with your fellow wizards, training up before you battle it out in an epic showdown of wizardry and witchcraft. Treasure and magic awaits, zap zoop

Name: D Wizzle
Wizard type: Rapper wizard
Color: #4B0082

Name: Tropella the Triumphant
Wizard type: TvTropes Wizard
Favorite Color: #002F7A - "It's the default color of the URLs!...I think."

Name: Swizzlesticks the Senseless IV
Wizard type: Mistake Wizard
Favorite Color: The color of failure

Name: Big Daddy Honk
Wizard Type: Doot wizard
Favourite Colour: The colour of some funky fresh Trumdoots

Name: Coolette, Lady Chirpington the 286th
Wizard type: Always Be Beeping Wizard
Color: Coolor you mean?

Name: Sam McGraw, P.I. (Private Invoker)
Wizard Type: Film Noir Wizard
Color: The grey of dark and stormy nights in the big city.

Name: Grammer Bones
Wizard Type: Bone Wizard
Color: bone grey

After registration is complete, you and 7 other wizards are funneled into a new room, in which the door closes and the lights glow brightly. Before you, a video transmission appears.

The feed shows an incredibly old man with an incredibly long beard which covers his entire body, and an incredibly tall hat. He floats in an entirely featureless white room, and you recognize him as Wizard Wizard. The founder of modern magic, and the Wizard Battles tournament. What an honor!



He speaks, and you swear the dust travels through the transmission feed, because you feel the need to cough badly. "Greetings, Wizards. You are now in a Wizard Battle tournament. You shall visit the nine planes on quests, before returning here to face off against each other and other wizards, of which there are three more groups of eight. You will need to work together to face the challenges that face you, as you explore to find knowledge and treasure to aid in your final battle. The winner is granted fame and prestige, and one of the magical artifacts from my travels. In the next room you will each find a chest, with a magic tool designed to harness your type of magic. Luck be with you, wizards, and may you remember... A wizard can do anything."

And with that, the feed ends, and the door to the next room opens. Not seeing much else to do, you can either progress to the next room and get your magic tool, introduce yourselves to each other, or if you're still feeling a bit lost, ask the friendly guide some questions.

Swizzlesticks mistakes the direction of the sound of the Tim Allen Grunt and says "hello" to the Film Noirzard.

"It's a pleasure to meet yew."

Tropella is at the Hub Level, trying to be Genre Savvy about her situation. Wanting to gather teammates that will last long enough, she decides to talk to everyone around her...starting with D Wizzle. She sprints towards him, looking to display herself proudly before him and win him over with her grandiose boasting. Unfortunately her vivid imagination distracts her focus and she ends up crashing into D Wizzle by accident instead.

"Oof!"

D Wizzle crashes to the ground, his sunglasses half-hanging off of his face as a result.

"Ey miss, watch where you're going, man..."

D Wizzle adjusts his sunglasses, dusts off his wizard cloak and then extends a hand to Tropella.

"Name's D Wizzle, but you can call me Wizzy for short. Yeah, I know, you might've heard of my tunes, like my hottest single Wizards Only, Fools? Haha. Nice to meet you - and I know, you probably ran into me just to get my autograph and all, so lemme see your pen and paper and I'll just sign that real quick for you."

Big Daddy Honk greets everybody by Blowing on his big-ass trombone. It only caused people to go temporarily deaf, and nobody heard Big Daddy Honk say hello. Big Daddy Honk, now dejected, sadly doots into the room, while dragging his big briefcase of spare trumbones, trumpets, and other dooty accessories. Guess he'll get his magic trumpet or whatever.

When the invite found it's way onto my desk, I barely knew what to make of it. "Wizard Battles"? I'm a Private Invoker, chum. Got a reputation to maintain, and precious little time for some "Once Every Thousand Years" Hoodoo Jamborie. Of course, once I laid eyes on the prize... a treasure, from the vault of the Wizard? As in THE Wizard Wizard? Well, it's not every day an opportunity like that just falls into your lap. A gal in my line of work would have to be a regular dunderhead to pass that up, Magical Malarkey or no.

And so, after shelling out a few clams for a ticket to New Wiz, that's where I find myself. Surrounded by a Magic Circus worth of wizarding weirdos. One looks to be dragging a whole brass band behind 'em. It's quite a sight, let me tell you. But of course, I'm not here for giggles. This is all business. Access to the Wizard's vault could crack the Copperfield case wide open, and with any lu|

Swizzlesticks mistakes the direction of the sound of the Tim Allen Grunt and says "hello" to the Film Noirzar.

"It's a pleasure to meet yew."

Hearing an unfamiliar voice, Sam looks up from the rune-covered typewriter hovering in front of her. She greets the newcomer with a quick tip of her Wizard Fedora, and a half-smile that turns into a wince, as a blast from a trombone echoes around the room.

"Hey there, stranger. Afraid you caught me working on my Mlog. That's short for Magic Blog. Which is short for Magic Web Log. I don't think that's short for anything, so thankfully we should be at the bottom of that conversational Matryoshka Doll. And, before you ask, I write about crime. Wizard Crime. And Wizard Crime never sleeps, so neither do dedicated mloggers such as yours truly. But surely, you didn't come over here to listen to me flap my gums about all that. Sam McGraw, at your service. And you are...?"

"I am Swizzlesticks, Mistake-making extraordinaire. Sam McCraw? Isn't that the Polygamy Wizard that lives on my street, if I'm not mistaken? What are you doing here pal?"

Lady Chirpington chirrups a greeting at the other wizards, not at all concerned how anyone might react to a five-foot-tall chickadee in a sparkling witch's hat.

Tropella takes several seconds to respond due to a Funny Background Event involving sad trombones before standing up and dusting herself off.

"I am Tropella the Triumphant! And I..." She puts her hand behind her head, smiling sheepishly, "...I have not even heard of your music. Or any music since my walkman broke on my way here."

She clears her throat, looking to distract the train of conversation to a different topic.

"BUT! REGARDLESS! I have come here to enlist your aid and that of others in the upcoming trials up ahead!"

Grammer Bones stirs, and from her vague enrobed form you hear:

https://vocaroo.com/i/s1jlGPoIM8Fl

...she trails off, with an osseous crunching noise.

transcript:

SpoilerShow

"bones, bones bones! bones bones! hmm? i'm grammer bones, 'course i am, i'm grammer bones! bones... bones... ah? wizard battle? never had wizard bones before! bones bones....eh hehe bones!"

D Wizzle lowers his sunglasses, glancing quizzically at Tropella.

"Damn, really? You've never heard of me? And your walkman broke? It's a real shame, yannow. Nobody should go their whole day without any tunes."

"Anyway, you said somethin about an alliance of somethin? I mean, sure, cooperation's prolly gonna get both of us farther in this ... uh .... wizard battle biz."

"By the way, who else areya thinkin of uh, 'enlisting aid' from?"

"Why, whoever looks most suitably heroic for our adventure!" Tropella answers with glee. She turns to the side and leans forward to check out who else she can invite to The Team.

"Like that hardboiled badass over there or the pathetic schmuck he's talking to, who will inevitably be the underdog of this adventure! But wait!"

The sight of a sentient bird wizard with a Nice Hat who's looking a bit confident. This excites the Trope Overdosed girl.

"Yes, exactly what I need! A Team Pet or maybe a mascot—either with attitude or wisdom to show me the ropes! Look at it! It's an adorable feathery birdling mage with a large chirp on its shoulder!" She hopes she is heard, maybe the groan-inducing attempt at birdtalk and puns would catch its attention, preferably not by unintentionally swearing in another tongue.

"Ey, you know what? I like that. She looks cool. I can vibe with her. I mean, I don't get what's up with the... bird...? Thing with her? But, I mean, that's fine. Birds are fine."

D Wizzle walks on over to Lady Chirpington with the usual swagger in his step and casually asks her if she'd like to join him and Tropello in an alliance. He refrains from commenting on the whole bird thing.

Lady Chirpington tilts her head, feathers fluffing. How coo-uaint! The non-avians' attempts at birdspeak are clumsy but understandable, and she expresses appreciation for their efforts with a delicate trill.

Why, yes. Yes indeed! Lady Chirpington explains she'd be delighted to ally with the rapping human and the troping one, especially since they're so determined to overcome the language barrier.

...Tropella's mascot thing is somewhat of a faux pas, but Lady Chirpington understands that no-one slides out of the womb socially-aware and racially-sensitive. Live and learn, Tropella. Lady Chirpington forgives her naivete.

Tropella raises her gloved fist to the air, boisterous in joy at having a third member of her Ragtag Bunch of Misfits.

"すごい! We have now formed our Power Trio, as three is such a wonderful number in case heroes do not come in groups of five! Hang on, I think not being unable to understand bird might be a problem..."

She mentally admonishes herself for not realizing that she is a wizard, and wizards have almost unlimited potential. A tiny box is pulled out of the small Bag Of Holding placed on her waist, inside of which is...nothing.

"T-There was supposed to be a pill that contains Translator Microbes. With it you could have your speech be...easily understood by us! Yes! We're wizards, we have many other solutions to such insignificant inconveniences."

Tropella dramatically points towards the nearby exit and loudly proclaims "Alright! I, Tropella the Triumphant, have begun my adventure with my acquaintances! Open the Game!"