CARD DRIVER

"Ugh..."



You wake up. Your head is killing you, and there's this dream-like haze filling your body. Everything feels so heavy, so slow-moving...and yet like you could float away if you weren't careful. The floor is cold, both smooth like concrete and pillowy at the same time.

Oh. It's a dream.



You look up, and there's a light hovering in front of you. Just out of your field of vision. You're going to have to crane your neck a little higher to see it.



Ah. That's better. It's bright...why is it so dark, anyway? God, could this get any more cliche? First, you're on the floor in a strange dream, and now you're being assaulted by this strange light. What's next, some kind of prophecy? And is that light getting brighter?



UGYAH! So bright, too bright! This is unfair! No one said you were going to be blinded in your dreams! You would've brought dream sunglasses if you knew.



Oh. Packs. Welp. Looks like you're going to have to pick one of these uh..."starter packs".

What will you do?

>take the panda pack

leftmost.

Leftmost! Dragon armor thing!

So unfair! All of them are cool and awesome. I want them all. Middle one seems most useful.

leftmost.

Leftmost! Dragon armor thing!

Welp, looks like majority rules.



You pick up the fire dragon thing. Flaming, dragonic, and with like three guns. Hell yeah. That's rad as fuck. No text on it, though. Weird.

BOOM

A voice fills your head. Deep, loud, and full of power. Merely hearing it forces your body to quake. Maybe because it's so loud it almost knocked you off your damn feet.

"THOU WHO POSSESSES BURNING PASSION. A FLAME TO SURPASS YOUR PAST SELF, AND STAND AT THE TOP IN A BLAZE OF GLORY. THOU WHO IN THE DARKEST TIMES, KEEPS THINE CANDLE BURNING BRIGHT-"

"Can you please hurry up." You spit, furrowing your brow.

"TH-EXCUSE ME?"

"Well, you're saying a lot of fluffy words, but your voice is kind of shaking my fillings loose and I'd really appreciate it if you could get to the point of whatever it is you're saying." Even if this is a dream, you don't have time for this.

"FOOLISH HUMAN! I HAVE SLAIN GODS WITH POWERS COSMICALLY GREATER THAN YOURS. MY NAME ALONE RIPS APART WORLDS, SENDING CIVILIZATIONS INTO STRIFE OVER HOW TO PLEASE ME, AND YOU DARE QUESTION I!?"

"Uh. Yeah."

"...DOHOHOHOHO! YOU, HUMAN! I LIKE YOU! SOMEONE SO PUNY, SO MINISCULE, TREATING THE AVATAR OF DESTRUCTION AS THOUGH HE WERE NOTHING! I KNEW YOU WERE TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE."

"Still not getting to the point."

"VERY WELL. I, BLAZE INCARNATE, GRANT MY POWER TO YOU. MAY WE MEET ON THE OTHER SIDE, HUMAN."

An earth-shaking snap of fingers fills your head, and then the room. The floor beneath you begins to shake and crumble. It's as though reality itself is falling apart around you, and it's becoming harder to breath. It's hot, so hot. It burns. It all burns-



"Nnnh."



You wake up in your room, shaken, surprised, and a little more exhausted compared to when you had passed out.

What the hell was all of that?

What will you do?

Admire your Hot Anime Babe poster to calm you down.

Admire your Hot Anime Babe poster to calm you down.

Oh hell yeah.

Hot Anime Babe poster: Admired

Anxiety: Calmed

Phone: WON'T SHUT UP OH MY GOD

>Take the phone!

>Examine other posters.

>Examine other posters.

Well, they're not as interesting as your hot anime babe. Just some Thicc Lady and an Ice Dragon. P cool tho. Well, of course they would be. You don't put not-cool shit on your walls. Your room is the coolest room in town. And everybody knows it.

>Take the phone!

SPEAKING OF EVERYBODY.

God, don't they know you just almost have yourself a concussion doing...nothing. What were you doing, actually? Well, sleeping. But why? You don't really remember much before now. But you feel like you had a prior obligation...

Oh well, better answer this Buddychat call. God knows you won't be let off the hook if you don't.



You have been connected to JUDGEYOURLOGIC.

Buddychatlog

SpoilerShow

idontplaythis00: What?
JUDGEYOURLOGIC: DON'T YOU WHAT ME. YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT.
idontplaythis00: For once, I really don't. I think I fell too hard out of bed or something. I can barely remember shit.
JUDGEYOURLOGIC: NICE TRY, BUSTER. BUT I'M SORRY TO SAY THAT YOUR "I GAVE MYSELF AMNESIA" EXCUSE WON'T WORK THIS TIME!!
idontplaythis00: Did you ever think that maybe I just have actual real memory problems and you glossing over that is hurting me?
JUDGEYOURLOGIC: YOU REMEMBER ALL OF OUR BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, IMPORTANT DATES, AND HOW MANY TIMES IT TOOK YOU TO GET THROUGH THE HAUNTED HOUSE WITHOUT CRYING.
idontplaythis00: 16
JUDGEYOURLOGIC: NO REASON YOU CAN'T REMEMBER OUR PRIOR ENGAGEMENT.
idontplaythis00: Sad to say, it's the truth. What was I supposed to be doing?
JUDGEYOURLOGIC: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOWN AT THE CARD SHOP WITH ME!! I NEED MY FAVORITE CHEERLEADER SO I CAN WIN THIS TOURNAMENT AND GO TO REGIONALS!!
JUDGEYOURLOGIC: I MEAN DON'T GET ME WRONG, I'M DEFINITELY GOOD ENOUGH TO GET THERE MYSELF. BUT I'D APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT! ESPECIALLY THE SUPPORT THAT AGREED TO COME!
idontplaythis00: Okay, okay. I'll be right down. I don't think I had anything else important to do today.
JUDGEYOURLOGIC: BECAUSE I'M THE IMPORTANT ONE
idontplaythis00: I don't know why you want me there, though. As my handle is quick to remind you, I don't exactly play this game. And I'm not exactly a good cheerleader.
JUDGEYOURLOGIC: YOU KNOW IN ANIME WHEN ALL THE FRIENDS AND FAMILY OF THE PROTAGONIST WATCH THE BIG TOURNAMENT? THIS IS THAT. YOU ARE OBLIGATED BY THE POWERS OF FICTION
JUDGEYOURLOGIC: BESIDES. YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO PLAY THE GAME. IT'S BEEN THE LONGEST LASTING TREND IN THE LAST TEN YEARS. YOU EVEN USE A CHAT CLIENT SPECIFICALLY FOR PEOPLE WHO PLAY THIS GAME
idontplaythis00: Because you all forced me off of Chitter. For no reason.
JUDGEYOURLOGIC: THIS BETTER. WE ALL USE IT. AND BESIDES, DON'T THINK I DON'T SEE THAT PACK OF CARDS BEHIND YOU. MAYBE THEY'LL LET YOU INTO THE TOURNAMENT IF YOU ACTUALLY SHOW UP
JUDGEYOURLOGIC: ON
JUDGEYOURLOGIC: FUCKING
JUDGEYOURLOGIC: TIIIIIME
JUDGEYOURLOGIC: LATER LOSER

You have been disconnected from JUDGEYOURLOGIC.

Well. That was a lot. Speaking of packs...huh. So was that really a dream? It felt so dream-like. The furthest thing from reality. And yet that pack you picked up is sitting right on your bed.

You never really had too much interest in this game. You never considered yourself a "everyone's into it, so I'll get into it" person. But you never considered yourself a "everyone's into it, so I hate it" person either. Huh. Maybe you'll open it just because it's there. Weirder stuff has happened to you. Remember the spaghetti incident?

What will you do?

>Why not open it? Might have cards with cool pictures on it.

> Further remember the spaghetti incident.

>C'moooon rare card. Open that pack right up.

> Further remember the spaghetti incident.

NOPE.

>C'moooon rare card. Open that pack right up.

>Why not open it? Might have cards with cool pictures on it.

Ugh. Well it's hard to argue with that. And you know, all the yelling. You had to admire that passion, but BOY HOWDY was it overwhelming sometimes. Or all the time.

You reach for the pack and begin to open it. However, this whole time...something's been eating you up. Not a lot, but in the back of your head, you've just felt it. Something so possibly important, that any sane person would be immediately detained for forgetting such a crucial detail.



AH! That was it.



What the HELL was your name again?

Lazarus Guerrero

>Furry Trash

>Jamie Lopez

Mac Macklemore

> Nick Elbeck

Lazarus Guerrero

>Furry Trash

Mac Macklemore

> Nick Elbeck

>Jamie Lopez

There's the winner. A name just as lovingly androdgynous as you are. Gender is fake, kids. Remember that. Also you almost fell for "Nick Elbeck" and you kind of hate yourself for it.

Well, whatever. You're named, you're famed, and now you're game. To finally open this pack that is! What took you so long, anyway? It's almost like the artist knew putting the next several panels together would be a lot of work and rather than preemptively start working towards it would leave it to the last second like an absolute-





"HOHO! LONG TIME NO SEE, HUMAN! GRANTED, IT HAS ONLY BEEN A GRAND TOTAL OF MAYBE TWENTY OF YOUR EARTHLY SECONDS. BUT FOR ME, IT FEELS AS THOUGH EONS HAVE PASSED!"

"AS PROMISED, I GRANT YOURSELF MY POWER. MY IMMENSE STRENGTH, THE WRATH OF MY ARMIES, AND EVEN MYSELF. WE SHALL SEE EACH OTHER AT OUR WEAKEST, OUR STRONGEST, AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN!"

"DO NOT LET ME DOWN, PITIFUL CREATURE. FOR I SENSE GREAT STRENGTH WITHIN YOU! NOW, IF YOU'LL LET ME DRAW IT OUT, WE SHALL CONQUER THOSE WHO STAND BEFORE US, AND CONSUME ALL WHO STAND IN OUR WAY, FOREVER GROWING STRONGER!"

"I, BLAZE INCARNATE, IGNIS GRANT YOU THE RIGHT TO BE MY DRIVER!"

He still hasn't learned anything about long monologues, huh. In a flash, the massive beast high above shoots down back into the cards in your hand, and suddenly everything is filled with light. Again with the blinding lights!? What is this, a powerpoint slideshow about rave culture!?

UGYAAAAH!



"Five new cards have been discovered! Would you like to view them?"

SpoilerShow

War Rally Dragon, Kindel x5
Rare - Fire - Monster
"Follow me to Victory!"

Ordinary Sword x5
Normal - Weapon - Item
"A basic blade, a simple sword, an average....word that means sword."

Quickstep x5
Normal - Quick - Action
"Get out of the way!"

>Perform a quick teleport out of attack range.

Critical Strike x1
Normal - Quick - Action
"One life? Make it zero!"

>Your weapon deals +1 damage until the end of your attack.

Blaze Incarnate, Ignis
Super Rare - Dragon - Boss
"Be engulfed in my raging storm!"

>[CONSUME] One Monster from your hand.
>[WILDFIRE] When this Boss attacks, your opponent takes one damage.

"'War Rally Dragon, Kindel' and 'Blaze Incarnate, Ignis' have been placed into your Buddy and Boss Zones! Your first deck is complete!"



Uh.



"Hello!"
"What the fuck."

WHO IS YOU, DERGON

>"Uhm... I didn't anticipate this happening at all."
>"So... uhm... how does this work, Kindel?

WHO IS YOU, DERGON

"Silly! Didn't you read the spoiler? I'm War Rally Dragon, Kindel! And I'm your Buddy!"

"Buddy? Isn't that a different game?"

"There's only so many words for "Small Monster Friend" in the English language."

>"Uhm... I didn't anticipate this happening at all."
>"So... uhm... how does this work, Kindel?

"Don't worry! As your Buddy, officially sanctioned by Lord Ignis himself, I'll be happy to help! Although, kind of odd that you live in this world which seems to be obsessed with this game, and don't know anything about it!"

"I-I know some things! It's like curling. You didn't know it existed, but somehow it's in the Olympics."

"Fair. So, you see, when a new player enters the game, they're randomly assigned a Boss Monster to build their deck around! These Bosses are super duper strong, but they can't be summoned all willy nilly!"

"When a player bonds with their Boss Monster, they can summon them in battle! This bond is known as a "Drive," and you're the "Driver!"

"Okay. I think I get that. But...why all those flashy lights?"

"Let's just say we monsters enjoy a bit of theatrics. Especially Lord Ignis. You should be thankful! I'll admit, he's a bit of a hothead, but him making you his Driver like that is no small feat. You should be honored!"



"Well, if he's such a hothead. I guess it's a good thing I didn't give him the-"



"Cold Shoulder."

make bad ice related puns in order to show them how cool you are

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH-



Oh right. You had a prior engagement, didn't you.

Buddychatlog

SpoilerShow

JUDGEYOURLOGIC: WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUUUU

Should probably get on that.

Does the dragon know how to drive. can they drive you to the tournament

>Onwards! To your annoying friend!