[Unfortuna] Mule x Vampire... OTP?

I can't seem to remember everything, but I know that I'm a gondii with a top hat and a tuxedo in what appears to be a broken down theatre. I only remember three of my crew mates, like the lady with freckles, Ella Mayo. I also remember the Aftik/Arma hybrid twins, Mark and Coco Francis. I think I'm somewhere on... a stage. Wait a sec... what's my name again?

>Your name is SIR SCHMOOPY of AWESOMETON!

>Your name is SIR SCHMOOPY of AWESOMETON!

Oh yeah, now I remember. I think it was Schmoopy. Wait, what's this? It looks like a note. Oh, and it looks like it was from my crewmate to another of my crewmate.

Dear Coco,
Sorry for what I've done to Mark. I shouldn't of made that horrible choice. Now, Mark is dead, and it's my fault. I made a huge mistake, and I need serious help. I feel like I should just take a knife, cut a hole where my stomach is, and bleed. I don't care that I'm a "special snowflake" when all I have is just a different name and freckles.
Sincerely, Ella

Woah, I am seriously creeped out. Mark and Ella are probably dead. Wait, who's that bloody generic over there?

Likely Named "Bob": Oh... Sir Schmoopy of Awesometon... Can you get me... water?
Sir Schmoopy: Uh, I don't really have any water, Bob.
"Bob": Bob!? Who do you think I am, another generic!? I am your pal! I am your capt-[starts coughing]

Wait, is that Ella Mayo?

I just did a quick doodle of Ella

>assist captain

>assist captain

I guess I'll just have to find some water for her. Maybe there's some by the bathroom. Oh! It looks like it's my lucky day! the sinks still run! Now, I just need something to carry it in. Hmmm... should I use these pieces of metal? I have a gear, a juice box and a Nuclear plush. Which one is the most useful? Wait a second, here's another note...

To my niece Tube,
Uh, did you happen to see anything, like a ship? It looks kinda like a Demeter ship. I don't think it's friendly. We MUST attack it.
Love, Pipe

Oh. Maybe that'll explain the poor condition. Who even are Pipe and Tube? Anyway, what should I use, gear, juice box, or plush?

>YOU IDIOT. USE THE JUICEBOX!!!

>YOU IDIOT. USE THE JUICEBOX!!!

Oh. Maybe I could fill it with water?

Ella: So, you got the--hey! That's a juice box!
Schmoopy: I know. It's a juice box filled with water!
Ella: Okay, just give me it already!
Schmoopy: Here you go, captain.

Ella started to get up, but was losing blood quickly. Whenever I tried to cover the wound with the plush, she flinched. We ended up finding what appears to be a body of a familiar hybrid, but it was unproportional, with one oversized head with an incredibly large eye and a microscopic one. It had a five-foot long tail with spikes at random places, and a horn at the same place a unicorn would have one. It seemed like it was stabbed thousands of times. Ella weakly slapped me on the back.

Ella: No... I will not let Sch-moopy find out what I did to his friend.
Schmoopy: Wait, WHAT!? You mean, is this Mark?
Ella: No, no. Pretend you saw nothing, okay?

It's really hard to pretend I saw nothing. What I think is going on is that she murdered Mark, but why? I still don't know the reason yet. Is it that Mark did something bad? Is it because Mark has a strange body? The mystery will probably never be solved.

>Now, don't say that! Put on your detective hat and get investigating. Gather clues. Question witnesses. Google how to do an autopsy.

>Now, don't say that! Put on your detective hat and get investigating. Gather clues. Question witnesses. Google how to do an autopsy.

Sir Schmoopy: So, why did you kill Mark?
Ella Mayo: Because of Nunya.
Sir Schmoopy: So, who or what's this "Nunya?"
Ella Mayo: Nunya business.
Sir Schmoopy: Aw, come on. What's the reason for killing poor Mark!?
Ella Mayo: Pretend I'm Bob again, okay? For a reason.
Sir Schmoopy: Tell me or I'm not helping you!
Ella Mayo: Okay, okay. I killed him because...

Did she seriously just pause?

Ella Mayo:...I killed him because he was eating up most of our food supplies. With only one ration, he starves. With two, he feels sick. Six whole rations a day are key to making HIM live a healthy life. The rest of us starved.
???: There you are, ya little vampire!
Ella Mayo: Uh oh.
Sir Schmoopy: Who's this?
Ella Mayo: Can't you remember!? This is our medic, Coco! Trust me, she's Coco-nuts.
Coco Francis: Wait, what are you doing with ol' Schmoops? Are you gonna kill him, just like mah brudder? Well, I came prepeared this thyme!
Coco Francis: Schmoops! Listen up! Ya need ta come wid me so ya can deefeet da dawkness, or ya can die wid da gal ova dere!
Ella Mayo: Don't listen to her, if you can even understand her! Come help me, we can be friends... again! And if that's not enough, I am your captain! Just, Coco has to die.

Hmm... who should I go with? One will be left behind, and the other can continue on. Such a difficult choice...

>Resolve the situation peacefully by whapping everyone who tries to fight with a rolled-up newspaper

>Resolve the situation peacefully by whapping everyone who tries to fight with a rolled-up newspaper

I hit both of them with the paper, and told them that nobody's gonna kill anyone or that crap. Ella started to take out a knife.

Sir Schmoopy: Hey! Drop the knife!
Ella Mayo: What? Coco should go with her twin brother!
Sir Schmoopy: You are killing innocents, and you don't even need to!
Coco Francis: Witch is why SHE needsh ta be keeled! Come on, Schmoops, wee kan bee sayfe!

>check for a weapon
>>Continue to fast-talk them to prevent a nasty suprise

>check for a weapon
>>Continue to fast-talk them to prevent a nasty suprise

I checked Coco for weapons, and ended up finding a few surgery stuff, a bar of chocolate, and a gun. No weapons here--wait. A gun!?

Sir Schmoopy: Why do you have a gun on you!?
Coco Francis: Ma gummy? Ma pop gabe dat two mee wen eye wuz sicks! Nukley wuz an ice guy!

My parents were Nuclear and McKenzie Francis. One was overly edgy, and the other was pitch black. Great match, huh? So, six years after they had twins, they gave Mark and I birthday gifts. Mark got his very own videogame console from McKenzie, which he absolutely loved. I got my very own gun from Nuclear, which fired nine shots at a time.

I went to check if Ella had anything more than that knife. It turns out she has... more knifes. That's all she has. I think Ella is a psychopath, so I'll be safe off with Co--oh wait. I'm settling the argument. Should I continue to do it?

>Point out that all fighting will get is more people killed and that's a net loss for friendship

Show Content

Spoiler
Character Thought Key
Ella Mayo's Thoughts
Angus' Thoughts
Coco Francis' Thoughts
Hermes v360's Thoughts
Sir Schmoopy's Thoughts
Contest Winner's Thoughts (THERE WILL BE A CONTEST!!!)

>Point out that all fighting will get is more people killed and that's a net loss for friendship

Oh boy, I didn't realize this was gonna be this long.

I just need a solution to make them stop...hmm...
Oh, I got a wonderful idea! I could get them to date by making fake letters saying "I love you!" It always worked in the movies! But first, I need to separate the two.

Sir Schmoopy: Dr. Francis, can you just relieve your stress and split up with us for a bit?
Coco Francis: Oke fyn. Eye'l joust goo ta de batrum.
Good, and can you also speak in that language you spoke that I kinda forgot which one it is, so you don't have all these errors in your English?
Coco Francis: [Translated from Morse] Wait, so is this better?
Sir Schmoopy: Yup, now go relieve stress on the toilet!

So, that worked out pretty good. Now, time to write down the letters! First, I'll send this one to Ella.

For some reason, Schmoopy gave me this note from Coco for me, and I expected an "I hate you" message. Actually, it was the exact opposite, she asked me out. On a date. I mean, Coco, the abomination created by an arma raised by extrals and an edgelord, falling in love with me, a satanic monster in disguise as a pale generic with freckles? Who would ship that, ol' "Rusty?" Oh wait, he ships Coco with Angus, which is a bit more reasonable, not that I'm a homophobe, but because they seem like they were intended to be lovers.

Okay, I gave the note to Ella, so now to slide the note to Coco under the door of the restroom.

Huh? What the heck is that? Wait... it's from Ella? Oh great, another apology message. I'm still not forgiving you Ella, because Mark was the best brother you could ever have. He was smart, nice, and optimistic, and YOU TOOK HIM FROM ME! Wait, it's not another apology message about Mark? It's... woah, woah, woah. Who does this vampire think she is!? She wants to go out with me? On a date? In this theatre? GAHAHAHAHA!

Ella Mayo: Uh, Schmoopy? Where's Coco?
Sir Schmoopy: [Faces bathroom door] COCO!!! ELLA WANTS YOU!!!
Coco Francis: [Speaks in terrible English] EYE DU NAUT WANNA MERI U, VAMPIRE!
Ella Mayo: WHAT!? YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO DATE ME!!!
Coco Francis: WEN DEED EYE SAI DAT, VAMPIRE!?
Sir Schmoopy: Guys? Can you two just get along for once?
Coco + Ella: NO!!!
Ella Mayo: Mule!
Coco Francis: Vampire!

Okay, that just made their relationship worse. Maybe I can solve it another way. Wait—aha! Maybe I can get Coco to be her "good ol' self" and heal Ella's wound! She can't hold that blood-covered plush forever! That could give Coco a chance to turn back to normal! When Coco stepped out of the restroom, I gave her a roll of gauze and told her to go heal Ella's wound, but she refused. Then, I just remembered! I can probably convince her with chocolate, the food item she adores.

Sir Schmoopy: If you take care of Ella's wound, I will owe you three chocolate bars.
Coco Francis: [Translated Morse] That is, like, WAY too little chocolate bars.
Sir Schmoopy: Okay, fine. How about a year's worth of chocolate?
Coco Francis: [Again, it's Morse but Translated] Okay, fine. [Turns to Ella and speaks terrible English] Lissin up, vampire! Eye em onlee doin' diz fo' da cocolit! Okeh?
Ella Mayo: Wait, what are you going to do?
Coco Francis: Beein' luyel tu ma cappin!

As Coco is healing Ella, what should I do now?

I ended up knowing what Coco would look like in my head, so I drew her. [Wow, this looks extremely masculine.] Why did you have to take the drug, Kenny! Now, your own two children have birth disorders! Well, Mark turned out worse.
This is also a hybrid of edge and cringe.

Okay, since I'm terribly bored, I guess I'll look around the place. Reklice and Dotapot weresitting in the corner. Wait, how did I just remember those names? Anyway, it looks like the seats of the theatre are covered in spilled food and drinks. There is a poster on the wall that reads:
"After the Nuke
Dotapot Boonuoy as General Stesefgys
Natas Live as Decaf"