Rule of Cool

You are Fitz Soothman, the coolest rad man in the entire Kolson Kingdom. On your 10th birthday, your fairy god parent cursed you. The only choices you can take are cool. Through the next eight years, you developed a sick reputation and stand before the king.

“Fitz Soothman, words of your savvy exploits reached my ears. I need you to save my Kingdom. To the north on Death Skull Mountain, a dragon is about to wake up from its thousand-year slumber. I am confident you are cool enough to slay it.”

Dangerous! You are acting cool due to a curse, you are ill-equipped to slay a dragon, let alone climb Death Skull Mountain. You have spent the last 8 years being cool and have no other skills!

How do you have no skills? Do you know how un-cool it is for someone as cool as you to have no skills? Commence cool skill-get montage.

Breadproduct! There's a familiar name from the forums, guess all the cool people are here now. Speaking of cool...

-->Play it cool and tell the king you can slay the dragon, then proceed to panic in private.

How do you have no skills? Do you know how un-cool it is for someone as cool as you to have no skills? Commence cool skill-get montage.

Breadproduct! There's a familiar name from the forums, guess all the cool people are here now. Speaking of cool...

-->Play it cool and tell the king you can slay the dragon, then proceed to panic in private.

Of course! You got a brilliant idea, if you can only do cool things then you need cool skills! You surprise yourself with your genius mind. Standing up you strike a 'is that all?' pose.

“My King, all you need, is for me, to scale Death Skull Mountain and slay a dragon?”

The King nods. “That's right.”

You immediately turn around while snapping your fingers. “I'll be back next Tuesday.”

Oh crap! Why did you set a deadline?! That's five days! No one can do a cool skill-get montage in 5 days, damn this cool curse! Walking away shoulders back, oozing confidence. Only you know that your heart aches. Internally you scream as your body walks towards certain doom.

As you leave the guards look at you with profound awe. The swanky act of Fitz Soothman is all a lie, don't fall for it!

“Can I have your autograph Mr.Soothman?” Says one of the guards.

Do a small act of pen acrobatics and hope it improves your cool penmanship.

Just blow a kiss.

Say what can be cooler than having your own crew of admirers/bodyguards? Recruit those guards dawg.

Found a mercenary body composed of the coolest dragon slayers

Autograph the guard. That's the cool thing to do, right?

Give the guard an autograph but only if he goes and kills the dragon instead of you.

rename self to Fitz Smoothman

Give the guard an autograph but only if he goes and kills the dragon instead of you.

subversion is NOT COOL YO

Oh right whoops.

Hmm. Ask the guard to show you his coolest moves and then sign those. Cool people spread the cool around.

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Spoiler

Do a small act of pen acrobatics and hope it improves your cool penmanship.

Say what can be cooler than having your own crew of admirers/bodyguards? Recruit those guards dawg.

Found a mercenary body composed of the coolest dragon slayers

Autograph the guard. That's the cool thing to do, right?

Hmm. Ask the guard to show you his coolest moves and then sign those. Cool people spread the cool around.

You spin a pen in your hands, impressing the guards. “Cool autographs are for cool people, are you cool?”

The guard stands tall, “Yeah, I'm cool.”

The perfect plan, maybe you can learn something useful from this guard. “Show me your moves.”

The guard immediately break dance, two others give a sick beat, all while in heavy full plate armor. You nod with approval, however inside you are twisting up. You meant combat moves not dance moves! How are you supposed to slay a dragon while break dancing?! They do look strong though.

“A'ight.” You stop spinning the pen, signing the guard's chest plates with style. “Who wants to watch me slay a dragon?”

“Oh absolutely!” All three guards say in unison.

You meant to say who wants to help me slay a dragon…

You reach outside, in the castle courtyard. A butler stands before a carriage trying to stop the princess from doing something rash. “Princess, we have the coolest man in all the kingdom to handle it.”

“I am more than enough to kill a dragon! I'll do it myself, so get out of my way!” Says the 4-foot-tall, 10-year-old princess.

What kind of lame-o would stop kids from going on cool adventures? Let the princess have a shot at dragonslaying.

Cool beans, but wouldn't it be cooler if we slay the dragon like a cool battle couple?

Maybe the princess can be the first addition to your awesome dragonslaying team?

ask for her Cool Practicing license

>HELL YEAH WARRIOR PRINCESS, THATS FUCKING RADICAL

Hey you know what's cooler than letting a 10 year-old slay a dragon? Parental supervision.

What kind of lame-o would stop kids from going on cool adventures? Let the princess have a shot at dragonslaying.

She's 10.

Cool beans, but wouldn't it be cooler if we slay the dragon like a cool battle couple?

She's 10.

Maybe the princess can be the first addition to your awesome dragonslaying team?

She is ten years old.

>HELL YEAH WARRIOR PRINCESS, THATS FUCKING RADICAL

Age ten.

Hey you know what's cooler than letting a 10 year-old slay a dragon? Parental supervision.

ask for her Cool Practicing license

Whatever you do, do not invite her to slay dragons with you. Not only is that irresponsible. You risk becoming public enemy number one for kidnapping a princess. Taking her to the most dangerous place in the country.

As you fight a losing battle in your heart, you already approached the princess. The butler looks at you like the hope in Pandora's Box. You look inside the carriage. Inside, a large baseball bat two times larger than the princess. “That's a big bat, what are you going to do with it?”

“I'm going to pound a dragon into paste before that dumb cool guy hogs all my glory!”

You cock an eyebrow. “Who says that dumb cool guy plans on hogging all the glory?”

What are you saying?! The butler gestures behind the princess's back, realizing that you are not hope. That there is no hope in Pandora's Box.

“Who are you?”

“Are you cool enough to know that?”

She stomps her foot, “Cooler than you!”

“Why don't you come with me to Death Skull Mountain, so you can show me how cool you are.”

“Fine! I was going there anyways, be ready to eat your words!”

Ah, you're kidnapping the princess. The butler stares at you with empty eyes as you follow the princess into the carriage. One of the guards following you, acts as coachman, while the other two sit on top.

“The princess is at it again.”

“It's almost every day now, so hot-blooded.”

The guards sigh in unison.

Inside the carriage, Fitz Soothman looks outside at the peaceful country. The princess whose name you don't know, sits on the opposite side polishing her over-sized bat.

The impossible became even more impossible. Not only are you on a death march to Death Skull Mountain to feed a dragon. You are taking the King's beloved daughter with you. He will be furious, even if you succeed, you already lost. All hope now rests on the three guards.

Inside of town the road leads to a busy market place. “Stop the carriage! I need to get something!” Says the princess, while jumping out of the moving carriage and running into the market.

Oh right you'll need to get cool supplies before you go straight into the cool journey. Perhaps stock up on cool food and water. Might as well get a cool weapon and armor.

Buy the coolest sword you can find. Also buy the princess some cool miniature armor to protect against the dragon's fire breath. But you don't need armor, you're too cool for that, right?

CANDY

Try to get a rapier. Should be cool enough.
As for armor, get a cool cape. Maybe a fan or something so you always have a breeze it can sway in.
Oh, and some bouncy shoes. Those are still cool, right?

>Coolness isn't in the acessories. it's in the man and in the 'tude. You could wear a potato sack and wield a rubber chicken and make it look cool.

>... Still that rapier not a bad idea. And a skateboard to do some cool tricks. and yoner sunglasses.