you've been peeling bananas wrong this whole time

it turns out

it turns out you need to learn how many licks it takes to get to the center of a banana tootsie pop, and apply the exact same number to the banana. after five seconds of being done with that, the peel will liquefy and you will have an unpeeled banana

it turns out you need to call upon the elder god b`naaan

it turns out that you must solve for b in the equation b = (an^a)n-a, where a is the value for the red-green component of the banana's hex color (as in, the smaller of the two) and n is the largest diameter of the banana

it turns out you must put it in a vacuum chamber and vacuum the peel away

it turns out you need to exchange the potassium for caesium and then dip the banana in water

it turns out you need to juice it, as the juice is the true unpeeled banana

it turns out you eat the banana whole

it turns out when life gives you lemons, you elongate them and make bananas

it turns out you must slice it in half, then slice one of those halves into two quarters, then a quarter into two eighths, and so on. then you must use the infinitesimal banana chip at the end of the infinite banana slicing process to slice the peel off the remainder of the banana and then you will have one peeled banana

it turns out you must let it rot for however many years until the rotting timer ticks over and has an overflow error. then you must wait the same amount of time again, and then it will have -x days of ripeness, where x was the amount of ripeness before. then, at this very moment, you must smash it with a pneumatic press. you will then have an unpeeled banana

it turns out you must peel it on the w axis

it turns out you must squash it so flat that it stops being 3-d. then, due to the peel being in the same space as the not peel, they will mix together and now you will have a uniform banana

it turns out you must put it on a lathe and then carve it into a sphere

it turns out you need to apply the vickers hardness test to the banana

it turns out you need to melt the banana and then cast it into the shape of an unpeeled banana

it turns out you must scream at it continuously for 5 consecutive minutes without any breaths or anything. then it will unpeel on its own

it turns out you must use a letter opener

it turns out you can just draw a warm bath for it and the banana will unpeel itself. Then, after the banana is all squeaky clean and back into their peel, you can return them to the counter, good as new.

It turns out you need to keep bananas to please an unknown god

it turns out you need to breed bananas to make them larger until the square-cube law makes it so that the peel cannot support the banana inside, and therefore is evolved away

it turns out you must combine all the bananas in the world into one great banana

it turns out mars needs bananas

it turns out the other mars needs bananas

it turns out mars inc. needs bananas