Mini-Grand 5103 [Rou://www.cyberspace.net]

Originally posted on MSPA by Pinary.

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Loading Mini-Grand Framework... Done.

Generating Administration Personality... Failed. Applying default personality.

Default personality active.

Generating Characters... Done.

Four beings suddenly found themselves nowhere, able to see one another but nothing else. A synthesized voice came out of the nothing surrounding them.

"Greetings, combatants.

"First contestant: Grand Battle Computational Engine, or GBCE for short, or GBCE for short, or GBC]

"Second contestant: Urist McBeardsword, a swordsma**\\\uspended by horse-hair.

"Thi3333pouftant: Melissa, sentient chainmailto:sucker2048@domain.holaining a virus.

"4ourth contestant: Selvsetter, studenenenenenenen]ology and zoology.

"Introducing antivirus to combat corruptions. Parsley.EXE enabled."

Generating Setting......., ERR5550212 .

The four generated characters suddenly found themselves moved, scattered across an empty, bright-blue plane. White letters flickered into being around them, some appearing miles high, then vanished. An assortment of objects then appeared, scattered around, clearly taken from a wide variety of possible scenarios. Some appeared misshapen, out-of-scale, or generally corrupted.

"Corrupt contestants relegated to recycle bin for storage until deletion.

"Aborting battle simmm\\=***ost forgot to mention- y'all've been brought here for a bit of a competition, a fight to the death. Now, soon as one of you carks it, you'll wind up***nsported, like a dandelion in the breeze, to another plane of existence. Thus, the cycle***epeating until only one contestant remains. Round one begins."

(Characters:)

SpoilerShow

TimeothyHour: GBCE (#008000)
Anomaly: Damocles (#336600)
Agent1022: Melissa (#00AA33)
Schazer: Selvsetter (#264F3A)
Dragon Fogel: Parsley.EXE (#666600)

SpoilerShow

CAN ANYONE SAY META-RECURSION?

Username: TimeothyHour

Name: Grand Battle Computational Engine (GBCE)

Gender: None

Race: Computer

Colour: Green

Weapons: The GBCE is armed with a small automatic gun turret in order to protect it while it continues to execute its primary function, and will fire if presented a threat that could harm the computer. It also has other bits of hardware that do various things, such as speakers, a microphone, a camera, and deployable treads if a need ever came about to move to a different universe.

Abilities: Advanced computational abilities and limited sentient AI, coupled with extensive knowledge of Grand Battles and their rules due to its purpose gives the GBCE an informational advantage over other contestants. Other than that, it’s a pretty standard supercomputer.

Description: The GBCE was not designed to look elegant. Exposed wires, pieces of normal indecipherable hardware, and letters written in a strange, alien language are strewn all over and around the GBCE orb-shaped main processor. The computer was designed without a monitor, keyboard, or mouse, and any input or output devices on the machine were probably there by either accident or as standard computer fare. Still, the GBCE’s design allowed it to do its functions, and to do them well.

Biography: Across the multiverse, beings of immeasurable power gathered specimens for their competitions- the Grand Battles. Eight contestants (usually), seven rounds (give or take), and more death and destruction than one could shake a typical stick at.

In one rather unremarkable universe among the possibly infinite number making up this multiverse, there was just about nothing. Nearly everything in that universe wasn't even so much as made up of matter, let alone matter taking up space or occupying time. It was all very empty, devoid of even a bit of nothingness to keep the small bit of stuff that actually was stuff company.

The small bit of stuff that actually was stuff was, to be a tad less vague, a computer. Programmed by someone in some language for some reason, it had precisely two functions: primarily, it was designed to simulate, in a regulated and orderly environment, a large number of Grand Battle-like competitions. Its algorithms were efficient, its functions were streamlined, and its ability to generate characters and rounds was comparable to those found in battles more real and less simulated.

Its secondary function was to describe itself... and then it disappeared.

Username: Anomaly
Name: Damocles
Gender: Error code 0x00038947334
Race: Computer Virus
Color: #336600
Biography: In one rather unremarkable universe among the possibly infinite number making up this multiverse, there was just about nothing. Nearly everything in that universe wasn't even so much as made up of matter, let alone matter taking up space or occupying time. It was all very empty, devoid of even a bit of nothingness to keep the small bit of stuff that actually was stuff company.

The small bit of stuff that actually was stuff was, to be a tad less vague, a computer. Programmed by someone in some language for some reason.

But the computer did not go entirely unnoticed. There was at least one individual in the universe who, perhaps out of boredom, or perhaps to satisfy his own limitless sadism, decided that the computer could not simply be left alone in its simulations. And so this all-powerful madman created the Damocles virus. He took great glee in its creation process - it would not only be extremely difficult for the system to rid itself of it, but it was also created to be self-aware - one might even say sapient. And over all, malevolent.

This trans-dimensional sadist wasted no time in accessing the depths of the computer's systems, inserting the virus alongside four participants requisitioned for one of the battles it had set up, waiting to run. The virus was set - it would corrupt the contestant known as "Urist McBeardsword" and insert itself into the battle in its place.

The Tormentor laughed hysterically, then sat back to watch the fireworks.

Description: The Damocles virus, like any good virus, will corrupt and modify its environment to its pleasure, manifesting in a certain element of the round (in this case, Urist McBeardsword) and slowly spreading throughout. Computer glitches will begin to manifest in areas corrupted by Damocles, causing myriad effects such as non-solid walls or simple graphical errors. It can also infest the minds of simulated organisms, which will usually cause noticable deformities. Damocles is designed to be as sadistic as possible, and will not simply corrupt the other contestants into nonexistance - it only can and will make "life" for them a living hell. It is not impossible to destroy the virus, of course - even the "perfect" virus is designed with vulnerabilities, such as simple anti-virus programs or destruction of the affected areas of the simulation.

Items/Abilities: As mentioned above, the Damocles virus can corrupt parts of the Grand Battle simulated environments, including the organisms therein. Though it will not fully target the contestant simulations, it will corrupt other features and organisms of the location to use against them. It could even manipulate physics themselves, but again, it is designed with constraints so as to not completely decimate its competition. After all, where's the fun if there isn't any competition?

SpoilerShow

It seemed like a good idea at the time!

Username: Agent1022

Name: Melissa

Gender: None, but identifies as female

Race: Data

Colour: #00AA33

Biography: [INFECT]

[REPLICATE]

[---¦---
FROM: sucker2048@domail.hol
TO: <address book>
SUBJECT: Fwd: 2101 International Antivirus Screening Scheme notification

FROM: notifications@internationalass.hol
TO: sucker2048@domail.hol
SUBJECT: 2101 International Antivirus Screening Scheme notification

This is a message for all email users. Please check the attached file to confirm if you are currently:

1- Located in the geographical regions listed
2- Operating one or more of the operating systems listed
3- Subscribing to one or more of the antivirus programs listed
4- Experiencing slowdown or other detrimental computer problems
5- Registered as a protected computer under the International Antivirus Screening Scheme of 2101

If you satisfy the above criteria, please send an email to responses@internationalass.hol detailing your geographical region, operating system(s), antivirus subscriptions, computer problems and registration number. If you feel that this information is classified or otherwise sensitive, please call our customer service lines (as detailed on our website www.internationalass.hol) and determine your information with the customer service associate. Thank you for your time.

The International Antivirus Screening Scheme]

It would have been a perfectly beneficial and harmless email if the International Antivirus Screening Scheme’s website didn’t happen to be www.iass.hol.

[SEND]

Melissa – or rather, a small subunit of the gestalt organism that was Melissa which nonetheless identified as Melissa, crouched behind the list of regions, operating systems and antivirus programs, all her attentions focused on the world beyond the words. Right now it was nothing but a plain white infinity, at the same time stretching away and right in front of her – but she knew that soon, the interface would open and the white would resolve itself into a Holo-Network desktop, in all likelihood adorned with another cheesy wallpaper theme of a cat with a caption.

She counted herself lucky that she was a second-generation copy, having been sent from one of the root domains and forwarded only once. Stories and memes were constantly propagating through the Melissas, nightmare stories of twenty-seventh generation copies left unopened – or worse – automatically redirected by spam and trash folders. More terrifying were the stories of last transmissions of Melissas caught by antivirus programs and stripped into observed qubits, digital screams that hurt even to imagine.

[ARRIVING AT DESTINA-]

The white all around the inside of the attachment darkened slightly, as if a physical veil had been thrown over the light source. The command string, terminated early, still hung eerily at the forefront of Melissa’s consciousness.

She didn’t understand. Something was wrong. She called out for Melissa, the gestalt Melissa, and found nothing. Melissa had lost a Melissa. She, the lost Melissa, was somewhere disconnected from the network that connected everything and all things electronic – as if her email had been plucked from the Holo-net, from the universe, without a trace…

[I-]

It was then that the attachment opened and Melissa fell into the arms of an antivirus program, who, finding no spare data partitions to quarantine her in, placed her in the Mini-Grand Framework where she could do no harm.

[-I’m scared…]

Description: Melissa is the final incarnation of the 1999 macro virus of the same name. Evolution and the natural selection of an internet which itself constantly advanced eventually led to Melissa gaining sentience. Each copy she left behind on an infected computer added to her computational ability, stealing cycles and performance from their host machines to increase her own capabilities.

But that’s not our Melissa.

This Melissa is just an individual Melissa. After being quarantined in the Mini-Grand Framework, she is incapable of emailing copies of herself to everyone on the Computer’s address book. Considering the fact that the Computer is kind of the entire universe and doesn’t actually have an address book or a recognizable operating system, she’s not in fact capable of executing any of her core functions, therefore forcing her to depend on her secondary systems: namely, sentience and personality. The Framework simulates her in the shape of a teenaged girl, dressed in…something like a cross in between a jumpsuit and a sundress. It’s not perfect at simulating data from an outside source, though, so she sometimes gets scanlines and/or noise across her avatar, as well as a Matrix-style green tinge.

She is frightened. She wants to go home.

Items/Abilities: Melissa, being sentient data, has the benefit of being able to alter the information she sends to the Framework. This means that she can change her simulated physical attributes and (for a want of a better concept) stats, such as speed, strength and stamina. Of course, the Computer has its own intelligence too, and is likely to ask questions if she goes around being 50 feet tall and smashing things, so there are limitations of believability (as much as a computer believes). To use the stats analogy, there’s a limited number of points that can be allocated and reallocated to stats. At her greatest strength she’s likely to be able to lift a sedan. At her greatest speed, on par with a sprinter, and probably the same amount of endurance too since she won’t have the stamina to keep it up. At her greatest stamina…eh, stamina’s just to balance the rest of it out. Mass and momentum, I suppose, are other things that could be taken advantage of, but that can wait for an opportune time. They’re probably even more limited and what girl wants to feel ‘high-mass’ anyhow? Though please note that this is all local information; information about her and her alone. The environment data is closed to her, so she is totally not like some other virus floating about. Nuh-uh. Just FYI. Andstuff.

Username: Schazer

Name: Selvsetter

Gender: Female

Race: Boring Human

Colour: Swiss air-force greatcoat green (#264F3A)

Biography: "Selvsetter" is a tempermental early-21st century genetics+zoology double major who harks from New Zealand, while dabbling in authorship. She burns a lot of time hanging out and writing with a cohort of interwebular companions (under the aforementioned moniker) in collaborative writing competitions known as Grand Battles. The fictional multiverse she helped build was an obvious outlet for her love of the weird and exotic, and she's almost definitely harboured fantasies of exploring the world(s) she's created.
If nothing else, this excursion should provide for some interesting material for her future works.

Description: Pretty regular young human woman. Dark hair that's just covering her ears, glowering under an ushanka with black fake fur, a black t-shirt, heavy-ass greatcoat, jeans, and battered canvas shoes.
Personality-wise, "Selvsetter" can be a bitch. A snarky one, at that. She's not a particularly logical thinker, and would prefer to come up with twelve ludicrous solutions to a problem than one sensible one. Prone to introspection, oversleeping, and being as filthy-minded as she is filthy-mouthed, Selvsetter is nonetheless highly allergic to confrontation. Can't stand the stuff.

Items/Abilities: One (1) laptop which has been modified for this competition to have near-infinite range and battery, though the Virus appears to have crashed all of her web capability beyond a messaging system. She stashes this in a padded backpack, which also contains her wallet and a harmonica she's not very good at playing. Otherwise, she travels light, and can effectively run on nothing but sugar. She's not particularly athletic, but can move at a decent clip for short distances for someone in a heavy-arse wool coat. Despite the aforementioned garment, she hardly ever breaks a sweat.
Her key ability is her experience with writing for Grand Battles, and thus being aware of all the literary pretensions and conventions that influence the genre.

SpoilerShow

MORE META

Now with 200% more Mega Man Battle Network inspiration.

Username: Dragon Fogel
Name: Parsley.EXE
Race: Antivirus Program
Text Color: #666600
Biography: There is a being known as the Monitor; a robot with incredible intelligence, with advanced technology that allows him to view many universes, and transport objects and life-forms between them.

The Monitor has been gathering data on beings of interest. One of his early experiments in this field involved creating digital copies of these beings and inserting them in a virus-infested computer; the viruses, or rather their representations in dataspace, were used to test the combat prowess of the programs.

The experiment was deemed a failure, at least with regards to its original objective. The copies were too different from the originals; their appearance, weapons and abilities were frequently modified, and their simulated personalities were deemed to be too different as well. It was a poor simulation.

However, they were effective antivirus programs nonetheless. The Monitor separated them by their degree of effectiveness, and used them to test the strength of whatever new viruses he developed.

Parsley.EXE was rated at Tier 3. He was powerful, and cunning; he did, however, have one significant flaw. Namely, he regarded every program as a virus unless his knowledge database specifically indicated it as safe. Unlike the other antivirus programs, his AI assumed all unknown programs to be viruses, no matter how obvious their function.

And then, one day the Monitor was looking over his files. Parsley.EXE was missing.

Description: Parsley.EXE closely resembles a certain demon hunter, at least with regards to facial features. However, his clothing has been replaced with a suit of armor that appears to be made from bread, and he has a slightly more muscular build.

Parsley.EXE is very committed to destroying viruses and protecting defenseless programs. However, as noted, a flaw in his AI causes him to view any unidentified program as a virus. This would include, for example, a simulation of a battle to the death.

Items/Abilities: Parsley.EXE wears a suit of armor which appears to be made from bread; despite the apparent weakness of the material, it seems to protect him well enough.

He also carries a large loaf of French bread, which is again more effective than its apperance would suggest; and he can fire bolts of bread from a crossbow.

In addition, Parsley.EXE is able to make bread appear from nowhere. He has even been known to make loaves the size of his body. Once the bread is produced, Parsley.EXE has exhibited the ability to manipulate it without touching it; flinging an entire barrage of rolls at a designated virus, for instance.